Narcissistic relationships shouldn’t be what makes us stronger, but unfortunately for many, they are.
Surviving one when most people couldn’t last a day in one means you are at a different level of strength, but that shouldn’t mean you had to tolerate it in the first place.
I want to talk about 10 things you’ve survived in a narcissistic relationship in particular, that others wouldn’t be able to do.
Reading them really ought to make you think about what you’ve put up with.
#1 Being laughed at
I know it’s fun for people in relationships to share jokes and have a laugh, but this is a totally different, more unhinged laugh.
This is the kind of laugh that is at your expense, and not because something happens to just be funny.
You’re the butt of it, just as you were feeling good. The narcissist dents your confidence in the same way they dent your joy, and you are forced to smile along because if you dare question their ‘joke,’ you’re:
- Too boring
- Too sensitive
- No fun
- Missing the point
- Unable to take a joke
So what’s your alternative?
You stay quiet, or laugh along with them.
Other people who are knowledgeable about narcissists wouldn’t last a day tolerating being laughed at.
#2 Being criticized
The same goes for criticism. Victims want to be perfect for their abuser, so the chances of conflict stay as low as possible.
Sadly for them, that means putting up with untold levels of criticism that shouldn’t exist in the first place.
Are you kidding? You’re wearing that to dinner?
Why do you never shut the bathroom window at night?
Do you forget that the bins actually need to go out in order for them to be collected?
Anything and everything. And most people wouldn’t last a day with that kind of negativity thrown their way.
#3 Being cheated on
You survive being cheated on because the disloyalty of the narcissist was probably painted as somehow your fault, or an accident.
It was neither, and I hate to break that to you. A person only cheats because they know they can get away with it, and it’s you who ends up suffering.
Those who know their worth won’t tolerate that for long, but you being a victim of abuse and no confidence, will just want to sweep it under the carpet.
Surviving betrayal never really means your heart is healed fully, but you will learn over time that not all people cheat.
Narcissists do so with zero conscience.
#4 The silent treatment
The silent treatment is a horrible way to be treated by anybody, but when it becomes a fundamental way to treat somebody just to control and manipulate them, it’s even worse.
So much worse.
There is never any reason for somebody to use silence as a weapon, yet narcissists do it all the time, and it creates a fear in the victim.
What did I do wrong?
Can we talk?
Are you mad?
Is there anything I can do to make it better?
Yeah, you can. Keep talking like that and the narcissist will love knowing that their silence has worked its charm on you.
Falling over yourself to please a person who will never truly be happy with you is an impossible, soul-destroying, uphill mission that always ends in failure.
#5 The rage
Not a lot of folk out there will tolerate the rage narcissists almost bully their victims with. Their anger dips in and out of days like a controlled way of getting you to feel certain ways.
If the narcissist wants to see you walking on eggshells, they know they can yell at you.
If they want to see you apologize for things you haven’t even done, they will rage and rage until you put your hands up and plead your innocence or case.
Narcissists know what they are doing when they approach you with such strong, negative emotions, and sadly, you will have seen that side of them frequently if you have survived a narcissistic relationship.
#6 The physical abuse
You don’t need me to tell you that physical abuse is just as wrong as all the other types of abuse. The difference is, physical abuse leaves physical scars and reminders of what your abuser is doing to you.
Many victims say that they were emotionally abused for years but promised themselves if the narcissist plays one finger on them, they will leave immediately.
Few do leave immediately, and that’s what can make it so challenging for those who feel stuck.
For other people? They wouldn’t tolerate it at all and can’t understand the complex dynamics of abuse cycles and those who do.
#7 The gaslighting
You don’t need me to tell you that gaslighting is both evil and toxic. Long term, it will leave you feeling like you don’t trust your thoughts or beliefs, but there are many people who learned the hard way to spot the signs of gaslighting.
Something to think about the next time you’re told you’re being too sensitive.
#8 Overstepping boundaries
Your boundaries matter, but to the narcissist, they don’t matter at all. Eventually, that only leads you to believe they don’t wither, and you surrender them.
The narcissist freely thinks they can walk all over you and you’ll do and say nothing in retaliation.
If you can learn like others to keep them close to you and never change them for anybody, you’ll find the wrong people leave you, and the right people find you.
#9 Being made to feel small
Nobody thinks you’re small ,except the narcissist. And I’ll be honest:
They’re wrong.
The only small thing is the mind of a person who insists on making the lives of their victims hell.
Ways you can be made to feel small can include:
- Being laughed at if you try to answer a quiz on the TV.
- Being told that you aren’t qualified enough for that job you want to go for.
- Being scoffed at when you try to do a little DIY by yourself.
Any excuse the narcissist has to make you feel like you just can’t do anything right, and almost stupid with it, they will lay thickly on you.
Other people may not put up with that for even a second, giving them just as much back as they give them.
#10 The misogyny and moods
Don’t get me started with the misogyny. It can become so much to handle when you’re told you can’t do something based on your gender, or you hear the narcissist talk down about an entire gender.
Bigging themselves up because they are the opposite gender is another common yet vile way to treat somebody, yet with narcissists, it happens all the time.
The moods that go along with how they treat you are also up for debate, and I don’t know many people who fall into the category of narcissist repellers who would tolerate even a moment of somebody’s inappropriate emotions flying across the room to them.
We all know this is what narcissists do, and we should know it’s what you don’t have to put up with!
