Before you roll out the red carpet and sashay your way into a new chapter – stop.
Roll it back up.
I can guarantee you haven’t been informed of the 10 dangerous mistakes people make when they leave a narcissist.
How you leave them is as important as leaving them.
As you read on, you’ll get a good idea of those mistakes, and how you should only make them one.
Congratulations!
You left the narcissist!
How wonderful it must feel to be this free! The shackles are off, and you are no longer under their spell of misery and control.
The air is thick with toxicity no more, and the future looks bright.
You can’t wait for what’s to come next, and you’re beginning to truly feel as though you deserve some long awaited happiness.
How Long Will It Feel Good?
Well, that all depends on what comes next.
You see, innocent enough as it may be, it is possible to make terrible mistakes when you part ways with a narcissist.
To you, it may just be that you want a fresh start, but if you slip up, things can get pretty disastrous.
Don’t Expect a Rosy Future Just Yet…
Rosy futures are only possible when you firmly mark out your boundaries and refuse to engage with any game-playing the narcissist may still have for you.
When you’re handed these 10 mistakes, you know the narcissist isn’t done with you just yet.
#1 Oversharing With The Wrong People
If you disclose certain information to the wrong people – you’d better prepare to take over.
Narcissists will catch wind of what you say about them if you speak it all to those you can’t trust.
Narcissists ensure they have connections everywhere for this very reason – you must be careful when picking out your circle of trust.
All it takes is one person to feedback to the narcissist that you’re gossiping about them or accusing them, and they will fight back with the toxic strength of ten bears.
#2 Paying Attention To Smear Campaigns
Common in breakups with narcissists, smear campaigns are sadly unavoidable. They will talk badly about you to a certain amount of people.
I always give the following advice when it comes to smear campaigns:
- You have to decide if the people the narcissist is turning against you are more important than your own mental, physical and emotional health. Living to protest your innocence will only make you look more guilty, and drain your energy all the way to empty.
- Don’t try and prove to anybody with your words. People will hear you and they will think it’s your word against the narcissist’s. While this may be the case, you know the truth. Here is where you prove your innocence by your actions. Continue to be good. Continue to live your life. Be authentic and kind, and succeed. Smear campaigns cannot be sustained if you are contradicting everything the narcissist is spreading about you if your actions are good.
- If you lose people along the way, you have to accept it. It proves they are easily led, and that they never really credited you as much as you thought in the first place.
Smear campaigns are painful. They do not have to be the thing that holds you back from moving on.
#3 Answering Their Calls
If it rings, let it.
Do not answer a single call once you have broken up.
LEaving them means leaving them.
And yes, they will want to tell you that you left your REM T-Shirt at their flat.
You love that shirt. Don’t you want to come and collect it? I can drop it off at your place?
No! Sacrifice it if it means you get to keep your dignity and boundaries intact!
Plus – you can always buy another shirt…
#4 Giving Them New Information
Oh, I don’t work at the office anymore. I got a job across town on nineteenth and second.
What did you just do?!
Now they know your new coordinates, and they will utilize those to the max.
There’s nothing you can do now. It’s too late.
But if I have caught you in time, any new information you get from your new life without them…
Do. Not. Share. Any. Of. It.
#5 Hanging Out At Your Old Haunts
Don’t go to the bar you met.
Don’t sit at the movies you used to go to every Saturday.
Find a new Trader Joe’s.
I don’t care what you do, sticking around the same old haunts you used to will only end in disaster for you when they inevitably show up and want to worm their way back in.
#6 Telling Them You Will Always Love Them
If you give them this piece of information, they will use it as a magnet to draw you back.
Knowing you’re still emotionally attached gives the narcissist permission to control you still. And if you love them, that control will be all the easier to gain.
It’s time to be tough with yourself.
Love in silence, but move on loudly.
#7 Inviting Them For A Sympathy Drink
No! Things ended between you! Nobody needs to drink together ever again.
Think about everything you went through with them. To hell and back a thousand times.
Is that large rioja worth it?
Plus – never feel sorry for them. They will try to extract it from you, but there’s no reason you need to feel bad.
Move on. They created this all by themselves.
#8 Waiting Until You’ve Split To Get Your Stuff
If you’re planning on leaving the narcissist, you need to ensure you have all your stuff before you drop the ball.
Don’t wait until the 59th minute to grab everything you cherish in their current possession, because you’ll unlikely get any of it back.
If you don’t, it will all be used against you (and yes, I am talking about that REM shirt again!)
#9 Leaving Documents or ID In Their Possession
This is a serious one that I need you to adhere to.
Do not leave any important ID or documents to the narcissist’s hands.
They can, and they will keep them. They will ask you to prove that they have them, and you will of course be unable to do so.
These are documents you will need, especially if you need to set up a new bank account, or register with a new landlord… or worse… flee.
Hold them all dear to you at all times.
#10 Not Exiting Contracts With Them First
Sign out of what you can (if possible, don’t sign in with them at all).
If you are still locked into something, this may be a case of the narcissist trying to fool you into thinking you owe money somewhere, or need to pay off a bill.
Avoid this altogether by separating your finances before you separate yourselves.
