Nobody loses themselves all at once, but when you’re with a narcissist, there are numerous ways you will start to feel like you don’t even recognize yourself.
From how they steal your light, to the way they refuse to allow you a positive entry into your future, narcissists see you as a project they want to sabotage.
Any tension you pick up stems from them, and ends inside of you, as who you used to be becomes erased bit by bit, starting with these 10 cruel things.
#1 What you really want
Losing sight of what you want from life is common when you’re tied up with a narcissist.
This doesn’t have to be specific, but it’s more about the future you envisage for yourself.
You want kids and a country house? A white picket fence? To travel? To live in the city? When you’re with a narcissist, what you want becomes obsolete.
It becomes about them, and what they want. Over time, they will convince you that you want it, too, and you forget what holds value to you.
It’s no wonder people feel lost after a period of time with narcissists. After all, they don’t care about you or anything you wish to have in life.
#2 Who you are
Who you are has always mattered, even if you’ve never really given it much thought.
Are you a happy person? Do you value family and friends? Who you are underneath it all becomes a part of you that is well hidden, and that’s down to the narcissist not wanting your character to take center stage.
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They aren’t interested in you, or who you are. They only see you as their next victim, and you won’t fit any other mold.
#3 Your future goals
Everybody has goals to a certain extent. They can be totally different from the next person, but they’re yours, and you have them in your sight and heart.
Whether that’s to work up the career ladder, lose 50lbs, build your own business, get the garden converted into a vegetable patch, or visit Canada for the entire summer; your goals mean something to you.
This importance is erased by the narcissist, who doesn’t want you chasing your dreams and succeeding. They want to see you fail, and will do what it takes to make that happen.
#4 Your opinions
Heaven forbid you have your own opinions. They will be fiercely challenged by the narcissist, who doesn’t want you thinking for yourself and forming what you believe, or don’t believe.
There is an element of independence to having your own opinions, and the idea that you hold them despite differing ones means you are somewhat defiant.
Big no for the narcissist!
They will chip away at this, and convert every thought you have into ones they tell you to believe in.
At least that way, you become less and less your own person, and more a complaint source of supply for the narcissist.
#5 Your reality
Moving on from that, we have your reality. This is all the things you experience, what you see, feel, even what you said.
Don’t expect to hold onto any of that when you get involved with a narcissist. They’re only interested in gaslighting you to believe the past is what they tell you it was.
You doubt yourself, you doubt your memory, and the narcissist gets what they want.
This is very dangerous territory!
#6 Realistic finances
Before you met the narcissist, your finances were exactly how you knew they would be. There was no guilt in spending, and no worry about not having as much as you’d like.
The narcissist will have made it impossible for you to consider your finances in any other way, but over the time you know them, they will have you fear it, as well as become obsessed with how much money goes out.
You may even have been manipulated to leave your job, so you depend solely on them for financial support. Losing that part of yourself doesn’t mean you can’t get it back, but it can feel like you never will.
#7 Your hobbies
Hobbies are what makes us, us. They weave into the very fabric that is our character, and without them, we don’t explore, create, or find joy in anything other than the daily grind of life.
It goes without saying that you lose so much about yourself the moment the narcissist criticizes what you love to do, to the point where you no longer do those things.
From working out, to making or baking; your hobbies will sink to the seabed and you will accept that they’ve disappeared as you are getting older. You won’t look to the narcissist as the cause, but they are to blame, I can assure you.
#8 Your spark
Your spark is the light that carries you through the tough times in life, and it’s also what brings others joy who know you, too. The positive thinking, or the fun ways you sing in the car on a sunny morning en route to work.
This spark will start to fizzle out when you spend a lot of time with the narcissist, because your inner voice will become the way they speak to you, or what they think of you when you exude too much happiness. Subconsciously, you will learn to be smaller, quieter, and to dull your light.
There may be the wonder as to why this is happening, and you will never be able to put your finger on it, but the cause will be because you’re with a narcissist.
#9 Any creativity
Forget it. If you want to be creative, you’d better never meet a narcissist, who will strip that side of you like it’s old wallpaper peeling off a wall.
Your creativity is a threat to them. They aren’t like you. They don’t have an imagination, and they find no happiness in getting lost in theirs because it doesn’t exist.
They don’t want you to celebrate your creative side, either, so they will destroy it over time and make you feel like it’s some kind of problem to possess it.
Before that happens, I beg of you, leave.
#10 Taking care of yourself
You’ll put yourself last because you will want to throw all your focus into making the relationship the success you want it to be.
You’ll answer their every beck and call, and you will move mountains to make them happy.
Meanwhile, you’re exhausted. You have nothing left to focus on yourself, and so that will go forgotten.
That can mean anything from eating right, to getting that workout in, to sleeping well, to doing the things you love that make you happy.
You will forget how to pause and take time for yourself, and the stress will build and build until you become so weighed down by the world.
You’ll lose yourself in it all because you just want to keep the peace and make sure your narcissistic partner is happy.
This is no way to live, but is a classic sign you’re losing yourself with a narcissist.
