Hey, let me give you a bit of advice before we go any further:
Never believe a narcissist when they tell you that you can’t operate without them.
This is a lie sent to destroy your confidence in yourself and your abilities.
You can operate. You can thrive.
With these 10 things you can do without a narcissist, you will be living your best life ever!
#1 Have friends
Could you imagine actually having real connections forged with people who you can both trust and rely on?
What a foreign concept this must seem to you as a victim right now if that’s your situation, but let me assure you, it can be a reality.
When you’re with a narcissist – a person who does not know how to have and hold true friends – you will lose the ability to think you’re able to be any different than them.
You’ll notice how they will try to convince you that you “don’t need anybody else, you’ve got me.”
Well, that’s the one thing you should fear. It’s not normal to have nobody, but the narcissist will think it’s okay that you don’t, in fact, they will be pleased.
You having no friends will mean they get you all to themselves, and they can get away with manipulating you without anybody else coming to your rescue.
#2 Enjoy intimacy
Although you might think you’ve enjoyed it with the narcissist, you’ve probably enjoyed knowing that you’re pleasing them for a period of time rather than making it a mutual, special moment between you both.
Physical intimacy will be like that with all narcissists, but can I just say this; so will emotional intimacy.
You’ll get so far with them, but that’s all. After that, they will shut down and shut up because they find the whole thing too uncomfortable.
If you were without them, there’s a strong chance you will be able to find yourself a person so emotionally regulated that the concept of intimacy will feel brand new to you.
Don’t let it scare you off – this is good.
#3 Find peace
It all boils down to peace. I find that’s where all roads along the narcissistic abuse path should and will eventually take you, as long as you leave them behind.
Peace is the feeling of calm without the fear of impending chaos. With narcissists, you may experience fragments of it, a little bit like a preview. But it will always end quickly when they ultimately start playing up again.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
Peace can be permanent. It can balance your mind and body back to where it belongs. It can be where you live and stay.
#4 Share good times
You know, the good times you’re craving that you never get in their company?
The happy times where you can be you, and they can be them, and you don’t have to worry about that dead look from across a crowded room that makes you dread the drive home?
It’s possible. And that doesn’t mean you need somebody else to love for that. You can have good times by yourself, or with friends. Go traveling. Eat dinner. Drink wine. Catch a movie. Laugh.
Without the narcissist, good times will not be eventually clouded over with the predictive grey clouds of control and manipulation.
Without the narcissist, there is light, I can promise you that. So find it.
#5 Feel safe
You think you’re safe with them, but what you experience instead is the skewed version of safety they want you to feel.
It’s not real, nor is it consistent. And just because they take care of the finances and control every other aspect of your lives together, it doesn’t give you any more security than you could give yourself.
Without them, you can breathe a sigh of relief. You’ll be able to build a life that you want, with all the little things that make you feel the safest you’ve felt since forever.
Without them, you can finally be free.
#6 Be comforted
Who is there for you when life hits the fan? Relationships involve two people offering support as well as love not just when everything’s going to plan, but also when it’s not.
If you’re unwell, or stressed with work, you want somebody to come home to who can listen; who you can lean on.
If you’re single, you can have a set of friends who can be there for you, and you can learn to sooth away your stress with comforting tools such as meditation or a long bath, or a hike on the weekend.
You’re getting none of these opportunities when you’re with a narcissist.
#7 Find true love
How can you find The One when you’re stuck with The Bum?
Love is out there for all of us. You need to give yourself chances to explore your community, take yourself out, make friends and go from there.
You can’t do that if you’re limiting your life to the company of a narcissist who is abusing you.
It’s a waste of a life. If you want love, you need to admit to yourself that the narcissist is not that person.
But that person does exist and is waiting for you somewhere right now.
#8 Be respected
You deserve to be respected, but that’ll never happen if you are stuck living or being with a narcissist.
When you call for it, they will never answer. Why? Because their relationship with you isn’t about respect, it’s about compliance.
You need to fall in line and obey the rules of their game.
Being treated this way is so confusing, I mean, you want to love and be loved, you want the happy ending, but it’s never going to end that way.
You want somebody who is loyal, appreciative, kind and present, but instead you get selfish, cold, critical and absent.
Without them, you can have the right people for you in your life.
#9 Speak your truth
Without fear of repercussion. The truth doesn’t have to mean that you have permission to be rude or snappy, it means you get to know your reality and be able to retain it.
You get to hold onto something that you experience without it being pulled from you and replaced with theirs.
If you’re self-assured and confident in what you believe, it stays that way.
And you know what else? You have the confidence to stand up for what you believe in, for what’s true, without being heckled back into silence.
#10 Reach your full potential
I liken narcissistic abuse to putting a ceiling on people whose destiny was to have the sky as their limit.
You’re made to fit in a small hole when you have so much more to reach for and become.
Your potential shrinks around a narcissist because they like to keep you smaller than them, less successful, less capable, less loud. They love it when you are a side dish when you should be a main course.
Without them, the sky becomes your limit once more, and you learn you can do anything you want to.
