Take a deep breath. You and the narcissist have finally parted ways, yet something heavy and dark keeps taking over you. What is it?
It’s the inability to heal, or so you think. The reality? You can heal, and if you’re ever stuck on ways to help you, I’ve got 10 things that are proven to assist you.
There’s no such thing as impossible when it comes to healing from the narcissist, regardless of what you’ve been programmed to believe.
This time is yours, and this time is now! Let’s get you to start empowering yourself!
#1 Knowledge
I can’t stress this enough – knowledge of narcissism will help you open your eyes to how dangerous narcissistic abuse really is.
The word narcissist is thrown around so much more than it used to, but don’t let that dilute its meaning.
More people are discovering for themselves what it all means, and how it affects others.
If you can learn and stick with me, the pieces of your puzzle will start to fit together and everything will start to make sense.
Narcissism is a complex topic, much more complicated than simply knowing somebody is toxic.
It is the root of your problems, it is also the cure for your future once you know exactly what’s going on.
#2 Time
Time is our best friend, yet we live in a world where we get so much quicker than ever.
From asking your smart device for a song, to ordering food online and watching it be delivered to your house on your phone – everything is instant.
As a result, we forget that we need longer to heal, and time is the factor in it all.
Cherish time the old fashioned way and allow it to help you. Broken arms don’t get fixed overnight, right?
It’s the same with a broken heart.
Time is your friend.
#3 Forgiveness
This is a tricky subject, as most people assume forgiveness means you’re saying to the narcissist, “I forgive you. I will let you off. It’s okay.”
It’s never okay to be abused, but forgiveness has to start with you. Forgive yourself for falling for their tricks.
Forgive yourself for the time you wasted waiting for them to change. Forgive yourself for daring to hope they will follow through with their promises.
If you can forgive yourself, you can introduce a level of self-kindness that your heart hasn’t experienced in some time.
It’s not about giving in and telling yourself that the narcissist has your forgiveness, but it’s the acceptance behind knowing it happened, and how you can learn to communicate positively and gently with yourself.
#4 Small steps
Nobody wants you to take these huge leaps towards a better life.What happens when you do that?
You create gaps beneath your feet. These gaps could be filled with smaller steps, kinder steps; steps with intention.
Use this opportunity to heal to create goals that are achievable. Stop pretending you need to get somewhere in a hurry, you don’t.
Small steps are far more manageable, and as healing goes, it’s never a linear journey anyway.
The last thing you want to do is leap back when you can just shuffle on those more difficult days.
Know it’ll all work out with the smaller steps, and have the confidence to know that all progress is still progress.
#5 Rediscovering what you love
Let’s get to the crucial points! When you’re with a narcissist, you forget who you are.
You recognize the person in the mirror as somebody from your past, rather than a person you’re growing with.
You stopped doing the things you love because you were criticized for daring to like and find joy.
Now you get to do both all over again, with no audible voice telling you not to.
You might find there is an inner voice telling you that you can’t do something, but if you associate them with the echoing voice of your abuser, you can learn to quieten it.
#6 Therapy/self-help
Therapy goes without saying, and now, there are so many therapeutic approaches to helping people heal from narcissistic abuse and everything that comes with that.
The trauma, the anxiety, the depression, the C-PTSD, the insomnia, the low self-esteem; every aspect.
I also like to encourage self-help. Getting out into nature, meditation, dancing to your favorite song while your morning coffee is brewing, reading a book by an author who influences you, taking up yoga or running.
Whatever you choose to do that’s good for you, I say do it. It will enrich your healing journey like you wouldn’t believe.
#7 Patience
There are no quick fixes with healing. Sometimes, you might even bump into your abuser if you still live locally with them.
You may see their mom or brother or friend. It’s not easy, but it’s possible that you can create an emotional distance from these people.
Knowing they’re a part of your past should help you appreciate the present moment a lot more.
Furthermore, patience will be required when healing doesn’t go the way you want it to.
Just because you’re not together, doesn’t mean you won’t have a day where all you want to do is cry and watch old Friends reruns. That’s okay.
Be patient with the person you are detaching from, and from the version of you that you were when you were with them. It’s a form of grief not talked about enough.
#8 Going no-contact
This goes without saying. Expecting to heal in the same palace that made you sick is just impossible, yet so many people think they can do it.
Go no contact. Cut them off. Block them. Block their associates. Tighten up your online space and make it impossible for them to see you.
You earned the right to have privacy, and that’s exactly what you need to focus on.
It’s the only way you can give yourself space to breathe and focus on your healing.
#9 Building a support system
Those friends you were told to stay away from? The family they made you avoid as much as possible?
Go see them.
Build bridges.
Forge new connections.
Know that there are people who want the best for you, and who want to help you through this.
Trust that they will.
#10 Believing the truths
I’ll help you out a little, here.
Truth #1 – You were lied to over and over again. From them telling you that they love you, to being told you aren’t good enough.
Your abilities are doubted by you now because they applied that program into your brain.
Truth #2 – You are a good person who wanted the best outcome for a good relationship, and it didn’t work out.
That doesn’t mean all relationships are going to meet the same fate in the future.
Truth #3 – This is all on the narcissist, not you. The narcissist came into your life with one goal; to ruin it.
You can fix what they broke in time. It’s never too late to decide who you want to be and what you want from life.
Believe in it all, and you can’t go wrong.
