10 Things Narcissists Will Blame You For

Finger painting. Finger wag.

More finger pointing. Finger wag.

Woah … the narcissist is very unhappy today.

What for, you may ask.

That’s where most people are left scratching their heads in amazement.

Nobody knows – not really.  Narcissists will blame you for the weather if they could, but in reality, there is an entire book’s worth of reasons why the blame can get shifted on you. 

Give yourself a point for each reason you’ve experienced. No prizes! Just the realization that in fact yes, you were dealing with a narcissist.

#1 Their Regrets

Regrets…. I’ve made a few…

Ahem, well, a narcissist hasn’t made them, after all, they’re perfect!

No… You made their past be the way it is – that’s why they blame you for it!

We could have moved around more earlier to make more money, but you didn’t want to.

You’re the reason I never travel anywhere. You hate flying. I wish I had gone to more places.

I didn’t take that job a few years ago because you worried about the long hours. I wish I hadn’t listened. 

Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.

Everything they didn’t do, or wish they’d done better – is all because of you. 

It’s ironic how they take away all control from their victims, yet apply you had so much of it in the past, isn’t it?

What in the ‘cognitive dissonance’ is going on here?

#2 Being Born

Pushing my own jokes and lightness aside is a terrible, dark and heartbreaking blame-shift. 

You’re usually the child of a narcissist who has seen you as the main reason for their inner hatred. It, of course, was never your fault. You didn’t ask to be brown or ask for them as a parent.

You’ve likely made things difficult for them by being kind, honest, authentic, empathic, courageous with a natural talent of some sort. As a result, you’ve threatened your narcissistic parent by simply being born.

Your light must never be dimmed by the permanently dark aura of somebody you relate to. It happens to too many. Don’t let that be your story – let it be your catalyst. 

#3 Their Weight Gain

Takeouts, nights in, skipping the walk to work or gym for a lie-in, or driving—it’s all your fault. 

You are the reason they’re losing control of their physicality.

It’s all they have in a world where they don’t like their inner selves either.

Most narcissists are obsessed with how they look, so if that slips in their eyes – you’ll be in for it. 

They act like they aren’t in control of what they’re doing, when you’re the excuse they needed to stop taking care of themselves. When the results become visual, it’ll be you who is reminded – and you who is blamed instead. 

#4 Being Late

Drive faster!

Why can’t you just be ready on time?

If we miss the previews, it’s your fault.

Never mind the fact that they ‘mislaid’ your car keys, or tell you off every time you break the speed limit. 

Never mind the fact that they were late home from work and demanded a shower first.

Being late to anything means they are off the hook. This especially applies when you are attending an event.

I’m so sorry we’re late. You know them (points at you). Takes a long time to look that good!

Laughs will follow, usually accompanied by a few raised eyebrows your way. 

Yes – all your fault. 

#5 Not Having Enough Money

We’d have more money if you stopped buying all these things for yourself.

Did you go to the store today? I noticed a huge amount came out of the account.

Yes, you may have done. You needed groceries or a new winter coat. Let’s not talk about all the lavish items they happily buy and pay for without conscience. 

Not having enough money will only lay at your feet, never theirs. That’s because narcissists are often irresponsible with money, and don’t like to admit it.

#6 Having to Work

I wouldn’t have to work this hard if you got yourself a better job.

Of course I have to work, I have to provide for you, don’t I ?

In truth, narcissists love to work so they can apply these little victimization comments when necessary.

It denotes a need for sympathy. 

Oh you poor thing.

You work so hard.

They’re lucky to have you.

You’re great at what you do.

They love it. They love putting you in the line of fire. You’ll never really know to the extent they do this unless you hear it from someone else. 

#7 Family Fallouts

Family fallouts tend to happen when a narcissist is quietly but surely pulling the strings in the background. A little comment to somebody or a nudge and look to somebody else is usually enough to create an atmosphere.

Call it conflict engineering – they will give the ingredients for the perfect storm and blame you when it rains. 

You’ll be none the wiser, but the moment they point at you will be the moment they begin to persuade everybody else that you’re to blame too. 

#8 Tarnishing Their Image

Your truth is not allowed all the while it offers a negative insight into the real character of the narcissist. 

You’ll be blamed if you so much as dare start to speak your innocent truth.

Note how the narcissist would sooner point at you and tell you that you’re to blame, rather than address their behavior.

This is a classic tactic designed to make you look like a bad person, while they continue to get away with the same thing repeatedly. 

Narcissists are obsessed, and I mean obsessed with that perfect image. They have to appear perfect so people never suspect them.

You ruin it? You pay. 

#9 Car Problems

The car wouldn’t have issues if you drove it properly!

I wouldn’t have crashed into the car ahead if you weren’t talking incessantly at me!

Oh, I’m sorry. Did my mere presence cause your severe lack of attention? And now your repair bill is somehow down to me to resolve?

Nice one…

A narcissist’s incompetence has to be diverted to you, otherwise they look… well… incompetent. 

#10 Relationship Problems

If you’re lacking in intimacy, it’s because of you.

If you aren’t spending enough time together, it’s because of you.

If you’re arguing more than usual, it’s your fault.

If you can’t agree on the simplest of things, it’s your fault. 

All of it is you.

Narcissists cannot compromise, so if something is changing (and not for the better), they will refuse accountability. There is a high level of expectations when it comes to narcissists. These are nearly always impossible to meet, and always possible to ‘screw up’ in their eyes.

If something is amiss between you, it’ll be everything wrong that you’re doing. 

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