Finger painting. Finger wag.

More finger-pointing. Finger wag.

Woah … the narcissist is very unhappy today.

What for, you may ask.

That’s where most people are left scratching their heads in amazement.

Nobody knows – not really.  Narcissists will blame you for the weather if they could, but in reality, there is an entire book’s worth of reasons why the blame can get shifted on you. 

Give yourself a point for each reason you’ve experienced. No prizes! Just the realization that in fact yes, you were dealing with a narcissist.

#1 Their Regrets

Regrets…. I’ve made a few…

Ahem, well, a narcissist hasn’t made them, after all, they’re perfect!

No… You made their past be the way it is – that’s why they blame you for it!

We could have moved around more earlier to make more money, but you didn’t want to.

You’re the reason I never travel anywhere. You hate flying. I wish I had gone to more places.

I didn’t take that job a few years ago because you worried about the long hours. I wish I hadn’t listened. 

Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.

Everything they didn’t do, or wish they’d done better – is all because of you. 

It’s ironic how they take away all control from their victims, yet apply you had so much of it in the past, isn’t it?

What in the ‘cognitive dissonance’ is going on here?

#2 Being Born

Pushing my own jokes and lightness aside is a terrible, dark and heartbreaking blame-shift. 

You’re usually the child of a narcissist who has seen you as the main reason for their inner hatred.

It, of course, was never your fault. You didn’t ask to be brown or ask for them as a parent.

You’ve likely made things difficult for them by being kind, honest, authentic, empathic, courageous with a natural talent of some sort.

As a result, you’ve threatened your narcissistic parent by simply being born.

Your light must never be dimmed by the permanently dark aura of somebody you relate to.

It happens to too many. Don’t let that be your story – let it be your catalyst. 

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Takeouts, nights in, skipping the walk to work or gym for a lie-in, or driving—it’s all your fault. 

You are the reason they’re losing control of their physicality.

It’s all they have in a world where they don’t like their inner selves either.

Most narcissists are obsessed with how they look, so if that slips in their eyes – you’ll be in for it. 

They act like they aren’t in control of what they’re doing, when you’re the excuse they needed to stop taking care of themselves.

When the results become visual, it’ll be you who is reminded – and you who is blamed instead. 

#4 Being Late

Drive faster!

Why can’t you just be ready on time?

If we miss the previews, it’s your fault.

Never mind the fact that they ‘mislaid’ your car keys, or tell you off every time you break the speed limit. 

Never mind the fact that they were late home from work and demanded a shower first.

Being late to anything means they are off the hook. This especially applies when you are attending an event.

I’m so sorry we’re late. You know them (points at you). Takes a long time to look that good!

Laughs will follow, usually accompanied by a few raised eyebrows your way. 

Yes – all your fault. 

#5 Not Having Enough Money

We’d have more money if you stopped buying all these things for yourself.

Did you go to the store today? I noticed a huge amount came out of the account.

Yes, you may have done. You needed groceries or a new winter coat. Let’s not talk about all the lavish items they happily buy and pay for without conscience. 

Not having enough money will only lay at your feet, never theirs. That’s because narcissists are often irresponsible with money, and don’t like to admit it.

#6 Having to Work

I wouldn’t have to work this hard if you got yourself a better job.

Of course I have to work, I have to provide for you, don’t I ?

In truth, narcissists love to work so they can apply these little victimization comments when necessary.

It denotes a need for sympathy. 

Oh you poor thing.

You work so hard.

They’re lucky to have you.

You’re great at what you do.

They love it. They love putting you in the line of fire. You’ll never really know to the extent they do this unless you hear it from someone else. 

#7 Family Fallouts

Family fallouts tend to happen when a narcissist is quietly but surely pulling the strings in the background.

A little comment to somebody or a nudge and look to somebody else is usually enough to create an atmosphere.

Call it conflict engineering – they will give the ingredients for the perfect storm and blame you when it rains. 

You’ll be none the wiser, but the moment they point at you will be the moment they begin to persuade everybody else that you’re to blame too. 

#8 Tarnishing Their Image

Your truth is not allowed all the while it offers a negative insight into the real character of the narcissist. 

You’ll be blamed if you so much as dare start to speak your innocent truth.

Note how the narcissist would sooner point at you and tell you that you’re to blame, rather than address their behavior.

This is a classic tactic designed to make you look like a bad person, while they continue to get away with the same thing repeatedly. 

Narcissists are obsessed, and I mean obsessed with that perfect image. They have to appear perfect so people never suspect them.

You ruin it? You pay. 

#9 Car Problems

The car wouldn’t have issues if you drove it properly!

I wouldn’t have crashed into the car ahead if you weren’t talking incessantly at me!

Oh, I’m sorry. Did my mere presence cause your severe lack of attention? And now your repair bill is somehow down to me to resolve?

Nice one…

A narcissist’s incompetence has to be diverted to you, otherwise they look… well… incompetent. 

#10 Relationship Problems

If you’re lacking in intimacy, it’s because of you.

If you aren’t spending enough time together, it’s because of you.

If you’re arguing more than usual, it’s your fault.

If you can’t agree on the simplest of things, it’s your fault. 

All of it is you.

Narcissists cannot compromise, so if something is changing (and not for the better), they will refuse accountability.

There is a high level of expectations when it comes to narcissists. These are nearly always impossible to meet, and always possible to ‘screw up’ in their eyes.

If something is amiss between you, everything you’re doing will be wrong. 

These 7 Narcissist Hobbies are Instant Red Flags

Hobbies are great, right? I mean, we all have them. We pass the time doing things we love – and it’s good for the soul.

Narcissists also have hobbies but aren’t always necessarily what you might expect. These hobbies are often for self-gain in different ways than the usual pottery or yoga class.

Nope. These hobbies are huge red flags.

The hobbies of a narcissist are designed to improve and maintain their image solely.

Let’s take a look at 7 hobbies of a narcissist that are instant red flags.

#1 Exterior House Improvements

Wow, what a beautiful house!

I love what you’ve done with the place!

It looks amazing – you’re so talented.

You have such an eye for colors and visions. 

Yadda, yadda. Undoubtedly, anything that involves making improvements to the outside of the house will gain attention from others.

Narcissists love this. They love to be seen up a ladder with a paintbrush or building new fences.

Neighbors will be drawn to coming over and asking them questions bout what they’re doing and say things like:

 I don’t know how you find the time to fit it all in.

You’re obviously somebody who takes pride in where they live.

Good on you for wanting to make your home a nice place to live. 

These comments will fill the narcissist with the assurance that they are good people. It will almost be like validation for them – and the narcissist is going to lap up every word.

They don’t actually care about painting. If they could leave it, they would. 

But…

They have an image to maintain.

#2 Lavishly Decorating for Holidays

When the holidays roll around, whatever they may be, the narcissist will want to have the biggest and best decorations imaginable. 

Cutting short of being completely tasteless, they will bring the particular holiday to life and use these decorations to get people excited.

Most holiday decorations bring out the inner child in us all. Narcissists love it the most when children’s eyes light up.

Children are some of the most impressionable people on the planet.

Their innocent natures just see people for face value, and anyone who smiles and has bright lights or fun decorations outside their house has to be a fun person, too!

#3 Spending Time on Dating Apps “For Fun”

You’re going to cringe at this one, but it’s a fact that narcissists ‘use dating apps for fun.’

Many who are in relationships will openly admit to having them on their phone to their partners because they see it as a hobby.

Narcissists are some of the most judgemental people on the planet. They feel they have the god given right to be able to look at others through a critical lens just because. 

What does that mean for you?

Frequently, you can find them on dating apps, laughing to themselves, maybe even showing you!

Look at this person, who would want them?

Well, they’re far too good for this site.

They’ll tell you it’s fun, but for you, it’ll only make your self-esteem dip. How can someone be so critical of others based on their looks? What does that mean for you?

Having dating apps on their phone is a huge red flag for any spouse.

To be so brazen to use them in front of you and treat it like a big joke is really quite insensitive and disturbing.

Narcissists to a tee!

#4 Whatever ‘You’ Like to Do

Mirroring is a classic narcissistic tactic. They tend to jump on your bandwagon of loves, passions and hobbies to get you to think you ‘have everything in common.’

Oh really? I love that band too!

I’ve always been interested in hiking!

I love to take time to meditate every day. It’s so good for my mental health.

Little by little, you will think about how much you are suited. 

Mirroring is actually a way to get you to feel a certain attachment toward the narcissist.

It’s helpful to them to know you are invested in them, so the likelihood of you leaving becomes pretty much non-existent. 

Prepare for red flags to fly high when you spot someone loving everything you love.

It’s actually nice to meet someone with whom you have one or two mutual hobbies. It’s also nice to know you like different things, so you can maintain your independence and identity. 

Narcissists don’t want that for you. 

#5 Working Out Obsessively 

Exercise is healthy. We are constantly told to keep our bodies and minds as healthy as possible because life, right?

If you meet someone totally obsessed with going to the gym, but beyond that, obsessed with their image in unfathomable ways – watch for what that means. 

It’s good to know that a person is taking care of themselves but not to the point where it’s all they do.

Constantly checking themselves in the mirror and loving themselves means deep insecurities exist.

While insecurities don’t solely point to narcissism, they indicate a level of unhealthiness. Red flags are born here. 

The gym isn’t a narcissistic place, but narcissists are known to congregate here because of all the compliments they would receive as a result of constant working out. 

They love the guts, they love the glory. 

#6 Gambling

I don’t want to create a strong link between narcissists and gambling, but there is an addictive link between the two that can be a red flag.

Narcissists have an addictive personality. Their personalities lean heavily to addictions to wealth, power, status or fame. 

Maybe even all!

They exaggerate their achievements and crave admiration and praise from others daily. 

So then let’s look at how addictive this can all be, and how damaging it is to like something such as gambling. 

If you meet somebody who is known for enjoying gambling to the point where they’d consider it a hobby…

It’s time to see it as a red flag. 

#7 Using Their Own Narcissistic Habits Like Hobbies

This one may not appear too obvious at first, but think about it.

We do a lot of what we tend to like, right?

Suppose the narcissist in your life spends a lot of time criticizing, belittling, punishing, exerting their power, and generally being unpleasant. In that case, it will be a red flag you can’t ignore.

Narcissists love to get stuck in other people’s business. They love to ridicule and tear down friends, family, or even strangers and acquaintances. 

They enjoy it so much that barely a moment goes by where they can resist. 

Noticing this really brings out the ugly in that narcissist (if it wasn’t already obviously in vision…)

Look out for these crass displays – and avoid them as a result.