Narcissists are known to twist their words, and when they start talking about you, it’s no different.
Picking and choosing certain phrases to say about you when they think nobody will really hear the level of abuse that’s going on is common, but they are so careful with their words…
…So careful that the truth will always be coated in manipulation.
Here are 10 things narcissists say about you when they think no one will ever hear it.
#1 “I was only trying to help”
Wanting to look like the hero is typical narcissistic behavior.
Loving to march up to your door on their moral high horse will forever be a favorite game played, and one that they will want to speak aloud about when the time is right.
Sorry… I was just trying to help.
You know the kind of sorry that is, with tones of up and down strung throughout.
It’s as if they are annoyed that you’re annoyed by their constant behavior, but they refuse to admit that behavior even exists.
Narcissists will act up, creating a scene where you are the annoyance and they are the innocent victims.
#2 “They can be pretty dramatic at times”
The meaning behind this is what others won’t hear, but the words will ring home to those who they want to view you incorrectly.
I try so hard, but where they walk, drama follows.
It’s as if they want sympathy for a problem that doesn’t even exist, and they usually get it from others, too.
The truth? Nah. You can forget that. Narcissists aren’t known to play others with what’s actually going on, rather they want to be seen as good and wholesome, when the opposite is true.
But if they say you’re dramatic, that takes the heat off them!
#3 “Others seem to agree when I speak about them”
The most justifiable (to the narcissist) phrase that can come out of their mouth is common to hear, but the truth is, narcissists want as many people on their side as they can.
That can look like trying to prove that others think the same way they do. It then appears easy to them to frame you, and you see how you then become the bad guy?
I know you don’t want to admit it, but this is exactly how narcissists project their toxicity onto you.
#4 “The victim card is always pulled”
When wanting to show others that they are always the victim, narcissists will like to express their thought that you, the actual victim, are the one to watch.
They do try to pull the victim card wherever possible.
It’s not necessarily a horrible statement to make, and narcissists never want anybody to know the truth, but this is enough to shake them and make them
If it’s about you, it’s got to be manipulative, and this is the kind of statement they can get away with, in turn making them the victims to anybody willing to listen.
If this sounds familiar, then I feel your pain. It’s an uphill battle to get anybody to recover from this type of treatment, and when people think incorrectly about you, it’s hard to prove the real person that you are.
#5 “They are just obsessed with me”
Narcissists want people to hear that you are obsessed with them, but they don’t ever think anybody will ever catch on to what that means for their egos.
People do clock on and think, “That’s a mighty high thought to have about somebody.” Others can think, “Wow, they really do seem obsessed with you.”
The difference between these people is that one set are enablers, and the other are wise to the narcissist’s ways.
Nobody should be walking around telling others that there is somebody out there obsessed with them.
That in itself is a very presumptuous and bold statement to make, but then again, we are talking about narcissists here.
#6 “They love to play games”
This may raise an eyebrow or two, but what the narcissist is trying to avoid is specifically dragging your name through mud, not least without testing the waters first.
They wait for the reaction once they’ve said this to the person they’re aiming it at.
Oh yeah? What’s been going on?
Sorry, I’m not really interested in whatever you have got going on in your personal life.
When the narcissist can judge what response they will get, they’re far more willing to give further information out into the world.
#7 “I was only trying to help you”
Narcissists love to play games, and one of them is letting you know that they are only ever around to try to help you.
If you’re annoyed by them, it’s your own fault for not being more sensitive to the narcissist and how ‘kind’ they’re trying to be.
Note I didn’t directly refer to kind as it is usually intended.
That’s because I can’t even really compare a narcissist to being kind, but that’s a whole other subject!
#8 “I think they’re jealous of me”
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about narcissists, it’s that they assume everybody else to be jealous of them, even if they’re just happily getting on with their day without a care in the world.
This is code for, “I want everybody else to be jealous of me.”
They don’t think anybody will hear that version, and instead try to keep up the pretense that there are people envious of what they have.
I don’t know anybody who has been jealous of a narcissist, period. If anything, people pity them and tolerate them because they have to.
That doesn’t have to be you, though. Not any more.
#9 “They wouldn’t be where they are without me”
Oh, this is one of the most eye rolling inducing statements a narcissist can make, and they say it in a way that makes them appear to be the best, and so holier-than-thou.
Well, I have given them everything.
They wouldn’t be where they are without my help or support.
How noble of you, and now you’re saying that about you, they think nobody will hear the toxic undertones, but they often do.
That’s where people usually take a step back and not want to involve themselves in the drama that is inevitably unfolding.
#10 “They aren’t good at taking jokes”
Ooh, I don’t think this one is true about you, do you? I think you are great at taking jokes, but the kind of jokes the narcissist makes are in fact, just nasty comments that are unnecessary.
That’s where of course, you will raise an eyebrow and refuse to laugh along, and be then labelled boring or no fun because you aren’t entertaining them with your reaction they wanted.
They don’t think anybody will ever hear that they’re actually really trying to cut you down and make you feel bad about yourself, but there are people out there who will spot it…
…Especially those who have previously been abused by a narcissist. There are plenty of you out there!
