Big day for you, huh? You’ve met the person of your dreams, and the time has come where you introduce them to your family.

Nervous? That’s okay. You want everybody to get along. You want smooth sailing.

Who doesn’t?

I’ll ask you at this point to slam on the brakes, because narcissists who meet their partner’s family for the first time are in their ultimate element.

It won’t go to plan, even if you don’t notice it at the time.

Here’s why.

Exciting Times!

Here we go! Big day, huh? It’s time all the people you love came together to meet. 

What could possibly go wrong?!

Well, where narcissists are involved… plenty.

Preparation is key, people!

Article continues below this section.

---

---

The Narcissists Will Do These 10 Things When They Meet Your Family

#1 Charm Switch: ON

I think it’s safe to say that any narcissist is going to have their “charm” switch activated. It won’t just be on, it will be locked in.

They want to impress! They were born to leave others in total awe of them, and their mere presence alone has to be perfect in order for that awe to come to life. 

The sole aim the narcissist has is to leave themselves positively imprinted on whoever they meet. They want people to walk away saying:

Wow! What a lovely person.

(Enter your name here) is so lucky to have met somebody so wonderful.

I see a bright future for those two!

Did you notice how much of a good listener they are?

And that’s where it begins. That’s where everything begins. 

It’s how they create a false sense of self in the eyes of literally everybody you know.

Therefore, when the time comes where you start to speak up about any abuse, they will doubt you immediately. 

#2 Scanning The Room

The second a narcissist enters any room, they will scan it.

They’re looking for characters, personalities, threats, targets – and where they fit in with it all.

They don’t necessarily want to do anything that makes them stand out, but they will people-watch their way through those initial minutes. Gauging everybody will give them the upper hand.

Who can I talk to about work?

Who looks motherly who I can compliment?

Where are the stronger characters to avoid?

Who are the quiet ones I can question and make feel special?

Where can I laugh and joke and be inappropriate?

The mind of a narcissist never switches off. They’re in it for the long haul, and they want to wrap everybody around their little finger in as many different ways as possible. 

#3 Digging Out The Kind

As mentioned – the kind in any room will be one of the first the narcissist will sniff out.

Your lovely, warm aunt who never sees the bad in anybody.

Your little sister’s helpful way she’s always asking anybody if they’d like another drink or scoop of carrots at the dinner table.

Grandma down at the end who wants you to meet your happy-ever-after.

The narcissist has people on their radar for very good reason. That reason is to dive in and manipulate as quickly as possible.

They only get one chance to make a first impression – and it needs to be a very good one for everyone to love them the way they desperately need to be loved. 

Narcissists are extremely clever at mirroring, so the kind people in your family will be met with kind responses.

They want your family to believe they have a lot in common, and it’s all to build that false persona. 

Once it’s built, you’ll have a tough time knocking it down. 

#4 Avoiding The Stronger Characters

Stepping away from the stronger character isn’t uncommon. Narcissists don’t want to bite off more than they can chew.

They will keep conversations short and light, but they spot a strong character a mile off, and will avoid the waste of time trying to manipulate them.

Instead, you’ll find them trying to match ego or successes, even if they don’t come close.

They don’t stay in these circles for too long. They prefer to be the most impressive, or the most confident.

Among the characters they’re trying to out-do, they won’t stand out. 

#5 Quiet? What a Shock!

As weird and uncomfortable as it might feel, the quietness of the narcissist you’re introducing to your family is going to seem strange. Maybe they’re just trying to be nice?

Wrong! 

They’re quiet because they don’t want to draw attention to themselves.

That’s already going to happen with the family asking questions, or being interested in what they do for a living and the like.

But the quiet is really the planning. 

#6 You’re The Best!

When given the opportunity, the narcissist will tell your family exactly what they want to hear.

That might look like singing your praises, speaking about what a good cook you are, investing compliments in your kind and caring personality – whatever it may be.

They are standing here with your parents and extended family, who all love you.

They want to see you happy, and the narcissist will be keen to reassure them that they see what your family sees – the brilliant you.

#7 Laugh When They Laugh

Play along, keep it up, and nobody will suspect a thing. 

The aim of the game here is to be whatever your family needs the narcissist to be. 

If they laugh when your mom or dad laugh, they’re building instant connections and things in common.

As much as it pains me to say it, this is real manipulation. And nobody suspects a single thing. 

#8 Listen Intently

Whatever your family speaks will be mentally noted by the narcissist.

Sister? Constant talker. Too confident. Likes to see victim twice a week for coffee. Needs to back off.

Mum? Nice, but a little too overprotective for my liking.

Dad? Likes to be in charge. Has high hopes for daughter. Not paternal at all. 

Brother? I think I can get him on side and see the me I want him to see.

All of this evaluating will be circling the narcissist’s mind as they lay out the dynamics of your family in their minds.

And yes, this can even be done as you’re all merrily sitting around the table tucking into that lasagne!

#9 Brag

Hey, if the chance arises, the narcissist is going to drop a little self-compliment your family’s way. 

Yeah, I got myself a double drive last year.

I got promoted last month, so money isn’t an issue.

Oh yeah, that celebrity is a friend of a friend.

I do like to go on vacation at least three times a year. I can afford it.

My car? Oh, thanks. It’s really just a runaround. 

Bragging revolves around material items. The narcissist wants everybody to know that they’re good for money – and you’re good with them. 

#10 Watch You After

It’s a big thing to meet the family. That’s why the narcissist will have their eyes fixed on you the moment you leave.

If you so much as stir an emotion about a relative, the narcissist will feed it.

My dad seemed cooler than usual.

That’s when the narcissist will jump in.

I did notice him seeming hard on you. Is that something you’ve had to deal with a lot?

It’s a great segway (for them), to start pulling you apart, and convincing you of bigger problems. 

What Narcissists Really Think About You…

You should never sit in the seat of certainty when it comes to any narcissist. You will never be there for long, because you were instead destined for confusion.

Narcissists think and act differently, depending on their mood that day. If they feel like it, they will be nice.

If they’re nice, it’ll be because they want something from you.

If they’re not nice, it’s because they need your supply. They like to see you suffer.

Knowing what they really think about you will give you an idea of their true character…

…And it’s not good.

#1 You Think You Know Them?

Nobody ever really knows the narcissist. The only person who knows them is them. 

I don’t think it’s ever really wise to assume you know everything there is to know about somebody so toxic.

After all, they love to change the goalposts so much that as soon as you feel you have them pegged, they change and shift the tides to suit themselves.

The same can be said for what they really think about you.

#2 Living Your Best Life, Until…

They come along!

It’s the same with all narcissists. You’re happy until you realize what you’ve gotten yourself into. 

Isn’t it a shame to think that the narcissist, somebody who claims to have your best interests at heart, treats you the way they do?

How can somebody who says such loving things never ever prove that love in any healthy way at all?

#3 Underneath Their Act Lies Jealousy

It’s okay to be a little envious in life. It’s a natural response to somebody having what you would love to have.

For example, your friend could have bought themselves a new holiday cabin with a view.

Darn. I would love that. I am so envious you get to go there!

That’s where it ends, though, right?

I mean – you have a choice. You can work hard to earn the money for one. You can ask to stay there if you paid your way for the week.

Narcissists don’t get envious – they rage with jealousy.

They detest all the good in the lives of others and will resent you for what you have.

Is that normal?

Nope!

Is that right?

Absolutely not!

#4 “Look At You, All Happy. That’ll Have To Stop…”

They hate your happiness. It acts like a plague on them. They want to cut it off as quickly as they can, so they’ll do what it takes to ensure any joy is fleeting.

How dare they smile and have things go their way?!

The confusing part for you is that you think they love you. You automatically think they’ll be happy when you receive good news, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Any happiness is bound to come from something or somebody other than them. That’s a major threat. How could you allow that?!

Derailing your happiness can take various forms: mocking you until you stop, criticizing you until you no longer believe in yourself, or shaming you until guilt about your own happiness eats you up. 

I could go on forever. 

Imagine being around somebody who loathes seeing you content that much.

#5 “I Can Get Away With Anything!”

Forgiveness is an act undertaken by people who can see the bigger picture. They want peace and understand that people make mistakes. 

Asking for forgiveness can alter how you view your mistakes if that forgiveness will be abused later on. 

Those genuine in being sorry know they will not repeat what they did to hurt the other person. That’s how it generally goes, right?

Narcissists don’t care. They truly don’t. They will repeatedly offend, time and time again. 

They know they’ve got several love-bombing tricks up their sleeves that have proven very efficient. 

There’s no reason why those things won’t work all over again.

And you know what? All the while you continue to forgive, they will continue to offend. 

#6 They Don’t Love You

I know it’s a tough pill to swallow. Knowing you aren’t loved takes a lot of hard work because, for the most part, you feel in complete denial. 

Of course, they love me. They tell me they do.

I know they love me. They wouldn’t have taken me on that expensive trip if they didn’t. 

You learn the value of love to only be at the currency the narcissist sets.

Love isn’t a currency. It doesn’t ebb or flow. It remains. 

I know it’s hard to admit to be true. All that emotional work you put into the relationship. All the ways you were vulnerable and shared your life with them. 

I speak truthfully when I tell you it was all a ploy to get you to play their game. 

#7 Threatened By Your Success…

If a narcissist sees your success, they’re going to want and need to put a stop to it immediately. 

Your success can be compared to a competition you don’t even realize you’re in. You’re exceeding, and the judges have their eye on you.

Only the narcissist is also taking part, and the judges aren’t even looking their way at all. 

The anger. The resentment. The envy. It will all spill over the surface.

So, what does the narcissist do? When nobody is watching, they will sabotage what you are making or creating so that you fall down in the competition rankings. They may even steal what you have and use it for themselves.

That’ll get them noticed!

They can’t stand to see you getting the attention. To them, you don’t deserve happiness because it isn’t something they’re personally gaining for themselves. 

What a dangerous and toxic trait to have, right?

Well… welcome to the world of narcissists.

#8 …Pleased When You Fail!

The party poppers would be popping constantly if the narcissist had their way. When you fail, it’s not something they necessarily or overtly laugh about (although that can happen).

Instead, they will quietly smirk in the corner of a darkened room. They don’t want others to see their joy, but that won’t stop them from feeling it.

You’d think somebody who claimed to care about you would be falling over themselves with concern if you are down, sad, failing, or having a terrible day.

Nope.

Narcissists love it. They love seeing you fall because when you do, you land at the bottom of the heap, exactly where the narcissist resides. 

Knowing they have company makes them feel better, and seeing your misery or disappointment will ensure a huge grin is plastered all over their faces—difficult to wipe off.