If only you could really see what narcissists get up to when you aren’t looking.
Would you be surprised? I think you would because it would give you real insight into the act they put on for the world to see.
When narcissists are alone, you’ll not only see that act disappear – you’ll see them completely differently.
Narcissists never want you to see what they do when they’re alone.
Luckily, you don’t have to, because I can tell you right now!
Wouldn’t You Love to Know?!…
You think you know a person, but let me tell you – you never really know anybody – least of all the narcissist.
When alone, they will do whatever it takes to keep themselves mentally and emotionally charged.
Absolutely nothing is off-limits.
The Insight Reveals Everything
Knowing these 11 things will open your eyes to the real character of the narcissist.
Prepare to be completely shocked at the lengths they go to, to keep their ego alive.
10 Things Narcissists Do The Moment They’re Alone
You’d better get ready for some shocking revelations. If a narcissist is in your life, you’re going to want to know every single one of these.
#1 Scroll Social Media Looking For Fault or Fact
Any gossip or news the narcissist can extract, they will.
Look at what so and so did with their work bonus this year?
I saw how much weight your friend gained.
I noticed we weren’t invited to your cousin’s birthday.
They will hunt for fault. They will hunt for facts.
They will drag you into it as much as they can the next time they see you.
#2 Checking Up On Their Exes
You may not realize it, but narcissists are famous for checking up on the people they used to date.
The ‘ones who got away’ are now out there living a new life without the narcissist – and it results in a lot of interest from them.
They want to know if they’re suffering or alone. They want to see if they’re living a dream life with somebody new – emotionally healthy.
They snoop, compare, and do it because they can’t let go of the people they used to control so strongly.
When nobody is around, what does it matter what they do, right? Well, that’s how the narcissist thinks, anyway. Unable to let go of the past, they will hold on to what they truly once thought was theirs.
Like some kind of warped idea of possession.
#3 They Talk With Whoever They Can
Fill the silence, fill the silence!
Narcissists can’t sit around with their own thoughts or (shallow) feelings for long. They need to tap into the lives of others.
Anybody who will listen – come and share your news!
They will call or text absolutely anybody willing to give them a few minutes of their time just to fill those voids and prevent them from further self-loathing.
#4 They Grab Their Substance or Addiction of Choice
Alcohol.
Supplements.
Food.
Gambling.
Adult content.
They’re going to reach for whatever it is that temporarily eases their pain. The pain you never get to see, yet you always seem to be on the receiving end of.
Narcissists think nothing of what makes them feel better. As far as they are aware, as long as it does the trick, that’s all that matters.
The self-soothing nature of a narcissist is fickle and problematic. All their addictions lead to further problems, and further hate for themselves will ensue.
That hate is turned outward to you.
#5 New Targets?
Can they seek new supply? Well, they can try!
I once talked with a client who was divorcing her narcissistic husband. One day, the soon-to-be ex bumped into my client’s brother in town, and he managed to persuade the brother to go for coffee.
Of course, it didn’t go down well with my client and her brother. She felt betrayed, but the brother was insistent that he felt backed into a corner.
That’s what they do.
They are constantly looking for ways to tangle your life up even more. They will do that by drawing people you love in. They will look to triangulate at any given opportunity.
New targets are never off-limits.
#6 Research!
If they want to get under your skin, they will use their alone time to figure out how to do that. If that means researching something you worry about so they can use it to your disadvantage, they will.
Narcissists are constantly plotting their next move, and if they see an opportunity for some time where nobody will bother them – they will take it!
#7 Personal Care – Gotta Look Good!
They want to look a little bit better the next time they present themselves to the public.
Did you get a new haircut?
Is that a new jacket?
Did you lose weight?
Your skin is glowing!
It all matters – looks and image are top of the narcissist’s list of priorities. If you were to try and convince them otherwise, you’d be labeled jealous or some kind of slob for not feeling the same about yourself.
They want to constantly become better versions of themselves, because to them, perfection is something you don’t unconditionally have, it’s something you have to work to keep.
#8 Online Fights
Being alone and having no drama going on is going to backfire unless they can claw it from somewhere.
It isn’t uncommon for narcissists to scroll social media posts or forums in order to stir up some hate, or to rub people up the wrong way.
May I add right here that these people are strangers, but that doesn’t matter to the narcissist.
A win is a win, right?
It’s actually quite pathetic that they have to pick fights online with people. For starters, you really don’t know who you’re dealing with. You can also get into trouble for saying certain things, but mostly – the bravery of people behind keyboards is always very telling on who they are as a person in real life.
These types of people nearly always hate themselves.
Just like the average narcissist.
#9 They Won’t Forget To Wallow
What is narcissistic life without a little self-pity?! Wallowing has to come from their cold heart when nobody is watching – and they will do that in private!
You have to remember that narcissists actually hate themselves.
It comes as no surprise that they will allow that out a little behind closed doors.
#10 Go Through Your Stuff
I mean, I don’t even think I need to tell you that narcissists will go through every inch of your belongings when you aren’t looking.
Part of this is that they see you as them, and that boundaries don’t exist between you both.
You and I know how untrue that is – but they will see it as their right to know everything about you.
Going through your stuff is how they find out little things about you that you’ve kept private. They’re looking to blame you for something.
And they won’t stop until they get what they want.
How To Outsmart The Narcissist?
Outsmarting a narcissist might seem like something you would never be able to do.
Think of all those times that toxic person has made you feel small, or even nothing. The idea of outsmarting them won’t come naturally to you, right?
Wrong!
You can absolutely outsmart a narcissist. They won’t see it coming, they won’t see you coming – and it will be a shock to their narcissistic system!
Finding ways to outsmart a narcissist can be fun, and it will put you right back in control of your life.
So, let’s see a show of hands to see who’s with me?
Narcissists: The Truth Behind the Mask
Narcissists!
You’ve likely encountered them at some point in your life, right? That’s why you’re here!
Narcissists walk into a room and act like they own it, even if they’ve just walked into your kitchen. It’s incredibly frustrating.
Masters at creating a toxic air of confidence and superiority, narcissists hide behind their mask. Behind it all? Insecurity and neediness!
You know it well, I’m certain!
Narcissists can be charming and persuasive when they want to be.
They’re also incredibly convincing at it.
But don’t be fooled.
Their charm is a well-rehearsed act designed to get what they want, whether from you or from others.
They thrive on control and manipulation, and will do what it takes to continue this weird game of human chess they are experts at.
Understanding the core of a narcissist is crucial for all of us – especially you.
Beneath all charm and smiles, they are often fragile. They fear their true selves being exposed – and they do all they can so that doesn’t happen.
This fragility makes them dangerous, but it also makes it possible to outsmart them.
Once you know what exactly is lurking behind the mask, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with their toxic tactics.
They Think They’re So Clever!
Narcissists believe they are the smartest person in the world, and nobody else compares even marginally.
They convince themselves of this, and do their best to convince others too.
They use their quote-on-quote “intelligence” to dominate conversations and situations, which only makes others feel inferior. Is this a familiar story to you?
It is to so many people, sadly.
The narcissist has a deep sense of superiority, which acts as a double-edged sword.
Yes, it fuels their confidence and bravado. But also, it makes them vulnerable to being outsmarted. If you think about it, anybody can outsmart them, and it certainly doesn’t take much at all.
Their arrogance blinds them to their own weaknesses, which can backfire on them!
What does this mean? Well, it means the narcissist can sometimes really underestimate others.
Good news for you though – as this overconfidence is where you can find your edge.
Dealing with a narcissist requires more than just holding your ground; it’s about understanding their playbook and using their own tactics against them. They think they’re so clever, but with a little knowledge and strategy, you can turn the tables.
You? Really? …
Yes! Really!
You’re here because you’ve had enough of the narcissist’s mind games, right?
Outsmarting them is now a healthy option for you, and you should definitely do all you can to do it.
If the narcissist is your friend, boss, family member or lover – the time has come to regain control and peace of mind.
You’re so not alone.
Many people struggle with how to handle narcissists effectively.
The key?
Outsmart them!
Let’s get to the good bit…
How to Outsmart a Narcissist
#1 Be Firm – Set Your Boundaries!
Narcissists are known to thrive on pushing limits, no matter who they belong to. Oh yes, expect boundaries to be constantly tested. They will look for your weakness and then exploit them, until now, that is!
The first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to get your boundaries as firm and clear as possible. This means being completely transparent about behavior you will accept, and what behavior you won’t.
Don’t stop short at setting boundaries, you have to enforce them too. When that narcissist attempts to walk all over them, you have to calmly and consistently push back.
Make your language clear – and assertive. No, they won’t like it, but hey, this isn’t about them anymore, is it? The less emotion you apply, the better. After all, narcissists feed off any kind of reaction.
Composure is key, just like consistency.
#2 “Gray Rock”
The gray rock method is such an empowering tool when dealing with any narcissist.
The idea of gray rock is to make yourself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible.
You might think that sounds easy but it does take a little practice to get it just right.
Remember, narcissists crave drama and seeing you act ‘overly-emotional.’ By being boring and unengaging, you deny them that very satisfaction they seek.
Bingo!
When they try to provoke you, be bland. Be the human equivalent of vanilla.
Avoid showing anger, frustration, excitement – any of it. Over time, they are strongly likely to lose interest in trying to manipulate you because you’re not giving them the fuel they need.
You’ve become so boring!
No…. I am just doing my best to outsmart your attitude…
#3 Deflection – Master It!
Narcissists love to put you on the spot – it’s their attempt to make you feel uncomfortable.
One way to tackle this is to master what I like to call the art of deflection.
Whenever they try to criticize or undermine you, that’s when you redirect the conversation. Ask them a question that shifts the focus back onto them or onto a neutral topic.
I’ll give you an example.
They criticize your decorating work at home (how predictable, right?)
Now you respond with, “Interesting point. What do you think about the weather lately?”
It sounds crazy, but it really throws them off and totally stops them in their tracks.
#4 Information is Preparation!
Ah yes, narcissists will often use misinformation and lies to manipulate everybody else.
You can outsmart them here by being well-informed and prepared. Do your research, re-check facts, and even have evidence to back it all up.
Many people I know have been known to write down information or revert to old texts for screenshots to prove their points.
This will all reduce the narcissist’s ability to use deception against you.
This is all about concrete information – and who can argue with the facts?
#5 Gather Your Support System
It’s not uncommon for narcissists to isolate their victims to assert themselves and gain more control.
You can maintain a strong network of people you love and trust. Seek support from anybody you know who may understand the situation you’re in, and who can provide advice.
Encouragement is also heavily advised here!
Having that crucial support system will help you stay grounded in your reality. When a narcissist is trying their best to get to you, you have people you can rely on to turn to.
Let’s start unlock that potential!
