It’s a familiar thing, right? Narcissists apply the, one rule for you, and one rule for me phrase on you without so much as uttering those exact words.
And you think to yourself, how come this is the way? Why do I have to do this if you aren’t?
Because you don’t make up the rules – they do! That’s just the way it is.
And I will be the first to say how ridiculous it all is, which is exactly why you’re here now, with this perfectly crafted list before you!
Double Standards!
Don’t you find it very telling that narcissists love to create one rule for you, and another for them?
It’s the kind of thing that victims don’t consciously think is going on, but once they start to scratch below the surface, it becomes very obvious.
The double standards are standard for any narcissist. They never lead by example, instead dragging you into a set of rules that simply don’t apply to them.
It’s frustrating to say the least, but it’s where you always find yourself being trapped.
#1 No Speaking First
Sorry, what year are we in? Are we not allowed to speak unless we’re spoken to?
This no speaking first rule is just a way for them to tell you that you’re not important. They don’t want you to have an opinion, or be the first to speak of it.
This goes further, though. It leans into the reality (note I didn’t say narrative), that the narcissist wants power, glory and the attention at all times.
Why shouldn’t you have a voice? Why shouldn’t you lead conversations by subject?
Simply because the narcissist wants to do that all by themselves.
#2 Reply Within Minutes
Where are you? Why aren’t you replying? Don’t you know the narcissist has sent you a message or tried to call?
Why aren’t you dropping everything and responding?
Don’t you think it’s funny that you can call them, message them, and get nothing back at all.
For days, weeks, even months if they’re friends or family members, yet if you dared do the same, you would be in hot water with them big time.
Narcissists don’t revolve around you, you revolve around them. That’s the simple answer I’ve got for you.
Never expect them to prioritize you, but always be prepared, no matter what you’re doing, to drop whatever it is you’re in the middle of to make sure you reply.
#3 Phones Turned Up
If you’re not hearing them, then you’re not listening.
The phone needs to be turned up on the off chance (and it will happen more than you think) they need to get a hold of you.
With narcissists, the worst part is that they will test you on that. If your phone is on silent and they’re trying your number, you’re not going to notice. Prepare for the backlash, because that will happen.
But guess what? You need to get a hold of them, and you call. The phone is either straight to voicemail, on silent, or off.
Do I need to say more?
#4 Always Sit With Them
They want you to do as you’re told, but they will on the other hand do whatever the heck they want. Sounds… typical.
I’ll let you into a little secret. The narcissist wants to control you even in public.
If you’re with them, you can’t be anywhere else, talking with anybody else. You have to sit and watch them socialize, while you do and say nothing.
However, if you go somewhere and invite them along, they’re not going to do the same for you!
They’re scanning the room wondering who they can gain attention or adoration from, and you’ll have to eat their dust as they dart off.
#5 No Friends of Opposite Gender
You are not allowed to have friends unless they are the same sex as you. What a threat that would be to the narcissist!
It would boil them over to think you were on a night out with people whom you could end up flirting with or kissing..
Even more troubling for the narcissist would be where you naturally start to compare the narcissist with those friends.
Why can’t my partner be as friendly as these guys?
It’s so much easier to talk to them.
They’re loyal to me.
This is a huge concern for narcissists everywhere who will see them as a threat to the relationship.
But…
It’s okay for them to have friends of the opposite sex!
#6 Accept Every Critical Comment
I’d hazard a guess that for every 100 critical comments the narcissist throws at you, you throw one back at them.
The memory of the narcissist though, isn’t going to be those 100 critical comments they made at you to hurt your feelings, it will be that one you made.
The big deal they will make of it will be exhausting, as you fight for your right to have an opinion, they will punish you for it and never forget it.
Then it becomes about you and how you can’t control the nasty things you say.
They will throw your critical comment back to you in every opportunity they get, namely arguments to shame and guilt you.
#7 Daily Praise
If you aren’t praising the narcissist in your life, what are you even doing? You should be waking up and singing a song to them that tells them how wonderful they are as a minimum!
But wait, don’t you deserve to hear the song yourself, too? Well, yes you do, but you aren’t going to hear it. It’s not the narcissist’s job to make you feel good!
The thing is, it’d be nice to just hear one subtle, small thing, wouldn’t it? Just once a week, let alone once a day. But no, it’s just not possible.
#8 Keep All Their Secrets
If you tell anybody else, then we’re going to have a large problem.
What I tell you, stays in this house.
I do not want my news spread around town like butter.
Okay, so you’re a good, honest person and you hold onto those secrets.
But they will tell the whole world anything and everything you tell them. Whether it be intimacy related, financial, or even your thoughts or opinions on certain people.
Prepare for nothing to be sacred as the narcissist’s obsession with telling people gossip first ranks over your trust you have in them to keep quiet.
#9 Share Passwords
They want to know all your passwords, and have a problem when you don’t share them.
What have you got to hide?
Why don’t you trust me?
I thought you loved me.
That’s it. Lay the guilt on thick! But hey, does that mean we can know your passwords?
No. Didn’t think so. That’s because you actually have something to hide!
#10 Cancel All Plans at the Click of a Finger
If they’re not feeling it, they’re not going to go. Even if it means letting you down at the last minute, they’d sooner put their own needs and wishes first because, well, that’s how they roll!
Sometimes that might mean they got a better offer elsewhere, but either way, you’re going to get geared up for events that you’re never going to end up at.
All because they live life on their own terms. But if you did the same? All hell would break loose!
