Don’t you just love the phrase, ‘It is what it is’ ?

It covers almost every eventuality and allows people to just say, “There’s nothing you can do about it.”

There’s nothing you can do about narcissism, either.

A person is narcissistic or not, and sometimes, that can get a little muddled.

Today, I want to talk about that very thing…

What narcissism is, and what it most definitely is not.

What is Narcissism?

Often, it’s a word thrown around to anybody who annoys another person.

Oh, they’re such a narcissist!

Have you seen them on their latest vacation? What a narcissist!

Another selfie! What a narcissist!

Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. 

True narcissism is more than a selfie or a vacation somebody you know is on.

It’s deep, and it ruins lives. 

That’s not an example of drama – this is the truth.

Narcissists ruin lives wherever they go. They tear families apart, ruin friendships, bring the conflict to work with them – and the fallout can be huge. 

Narcissists are assholes, but also – assholes are assholes, too.

Sometimes, we need to take a step back and see the difference between somebody hellbent on sending you to therapy and somebody who is just a miserable person. 

#1 Don’t Get Confidence Twisted

We all want to be more confident. 

We all love to see confidence in others. 

Let’s look briefly at what’s real, and what’s fake about confidence. 

Real vs. Fake

Real confidence is always perfectly described in a story about a guy I went to university with. In a lecture one day, the tutor talked about some heavy stuff, and I could see the puzzled looks of my fellow students.

This guy, I’ll call him Jake, raised his hand and said, in front of nearly 100 other people:

I’m really sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about. Can you please explain it another way?

This is a level of confidence like no other. The fact that somebody was confident enough to admit without care that he needed a topic or concept reworded to help him was totally cool, and affected nobody. He was that sure of himself.

Fake confidence describes the type of confidence every narcissist has.

They want you to believe it’s real, but it’s shrouded in the reality that they’re deeply insecure, out to hurt you, and refuse to show anybody how much they hate themselves. 

#2 Anger – When Healthy and Unhealthy Get Clouded

We all get annoyed, let’s not pretend any different. 

When we get annoyed, we often take it out on the people we love, and we can snap.

But what’s important is that we say sorry and admit we made a mistake. We work on it, lessen our workload, and take some time out. 

Narcissists can’t regulate their emotions in the same way, and will never admit to being wrong. Instead, they keep the volume up, and their anger has no time for rest. 

#3 It’s Okay To Put Yourself First

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean that you’re a narcissist. It’s important to put your needs first when you need to, and think about your goals or dreams. You can’t pour from an empty cup, after all.

Narcissists never put anybody’s needs above their own.

They don’t know when to give somebody else center stage. Instead, they remain on it themselves, and to hell with everybody else. 

Know the difference between tending to your needs, and cutting everybody else off who may need your help.

#4 Appearance Isn’t Always About Narcissism

Hey, you can look after your appearance and look fantastic without being a narcissist. We need to do this now more than ever! We matter!

But a nice appearance shouldn’t be synonymous with a narcissistic character. 

#5 Ambition is Healthy! Too Much, Watch Out

Those goals you want and have should be worked toward, and nobody should stop you from aiming for them.

If you know you deserve it, then the sky is your limit. This is all about self-belief, resilience and confidence.

Too much of all those things ill point to narcissism, and if you are willing to trample over every good relationship you have in your life to get what you want, then it’s time to re-evaluate how much narcissism runs through your veins. 

#6 Charisma is Charming – Charm? Not So Much

It’s nice to be charismatic! Friendly, chatty, helpful, and trustworthy are fundamental traits in a good person, but let’s make no mistake about them.

Charm is not the same as charisma. It is real, and charm is just an attempt to make people believe you’re the type of person that you are, in fact, not. 

Narcissists exude charm, but it is very hollow, superficial, and cannot be sustained. 

#7 “I Love Myself”

Self-love is a half-trillion-dollar empire now, and there is an emphasis on loving who you are, faults and all.

Narcissists take self-love to another level. Number one, it’s not even genuine, because they actually hate themselves deep down.

Number two, they make up for fact number one so much that they try to overcompensate for it. 

Hideous? Yes.

But there’s nothing wrong with genuinely loving yourself.

#8 Cheating?…

Cheaters cheat, but not all cheaters are narcissists.

You hear a lot that narcissists will nearly always cheat because they can’t not get as much supply as humanly possible. 

Sometimes, cheating occurs, and the person will be highly remorseful.

Therapy occurs, reflection is possible, and you can work through it together.

It doesn’t happen with narcissists. They will cheat and cheat, anc throw your pain under the bus. 

#9 “Me, Me, Me”

People get wrapped up in themselves, don’t they? You see it a lot in this world as we have simply become busier than ever. 

Work is demanding, home life never shuts down, and we still have relationships to maintain, whether platonic or romantic. 

If hearing somebody scream from time to time about how their life is more hectic than yours, or how they have needs that are out of this world – the thought should arise that perhaps they’re struggling with juggling so much.

Before you try and tell me that this isn’t the same as the selfishness of narcissism – I am here to agree with you – and that’s my point! Truly, my point is – we all get lost in the matrix. It’s hard.

We say things we don’t mean. We snap, we judge, we complain, we yell; we’re tired. 

The difference between narcissism and non-narcissism is two things:

Remorse and apology. Both need to be sincere, and I truly mean that. 

Both need to be meant.

#10 Gaslighting? Not Always Narcissism

Gaslighting is a term that we all use when we’re describing narcissism, but there is a level of frustration that can accompany phrases like: 

I did not say that!

It might for instance, be a genuine thought from somebody that they forgot they said something. 

Gaslighting is intentional, and the make up and fabrication of lies is sent to destroy victims on the receiving end. 

How To Outsmart The Narcissist?

Outsmarting a narcissist might seem like something you would never be able to do.

Think of all those times that toxic person has made you feel small, or even nothing. The idea of outsmarting them won’t come naturally to you, right?

Wrong!

You can absolutely outsmart a narcissist. They won’t see it coming, they won’t see you coming – and it will be a shock to their narcissistic system!

Finding ways to outsmart a narcissist can be fun, and it will put you right back in control of your life.

So, let’s see a show of hands to see who’s with me?

Narcissists: The Truth Behind the Mask

Narcissists! 

You’ve likely encountered them at some point in your life, right? That’s why you’re here!

Narcissists walk into a room and act like they own it, even if they’ve just walked into your kitchen. It’s incredibly frustrating.  

Masters at creating a toxic air of confidence and superiority, narcissists hide behind their mask. Behind it all? Insecurity and neediness!

You know it well, I’m certain!

Narcissists can be charming and persuasive when they want to be. 

They’re also incredibly convincing at it. 

But don’t be fooled. 

Their charm is a well-rehearsed act designed to get what they want, whether from you or from others.

They thrive on control and manipulation, and will do what it takes to continue this weird game of human chess they are experts at. 

Understanding the core of a narcissist is crucial for all of us – especially you. 

Beneath all charm and smiles, they are often fragile. They fear their true selves being exposed – and they do all they can so that doesn’t happen. 

This fragility makes them dangerous, but it also makes it possible to outsmart them. 

Once you know what exactly is lurking behind the mask, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with their toxic tactics.

They Think They’re So Clever!

Narcissists believe they are the smartest person in the world, and nobody else compares even marginally. 

They convince themselves of this, and do their best to convince others too.

They use their quote-on-quote “intelligence” to dominate conversations and situations, which only makes others feel inferior. Is this a familiar story to you? 

It is to so many people, sadly.

The narcissist has a deep sense of superiority, which acts as a double-edged sword. 

Yes, it fuels their confidence and bravado. But also, it makes them vulnerable to being outsmarted. If you think about it, anybody can outsmart them, and it certainly doesn’t take much at all. 

Their arrogance blinds them to their own weaknesses, which can backfire on them!

What does this mean? Well, it means the narcissist can sometimes really underestimate others. 

Good news for you though – as this overconfidence is where you can find your edge.

Dealing with a narcissist requires more than just holding your ground; it’s about understanding their playbook and using their own tactics against them. They think they’re so clever, but with a little knowledge and strategy, you can turn the tables.

You? Really? …

Yes! Really!

You’re here because you’ve had enough of the narcissist’s mind games, right?

Outsmarting them is now a healthy option for you, and you should definitely do all you can to do it.

If the narcissist is your friend, boss, family member or lover – the time has come to regain control and peace of mind. 

You’re so not alone.

Many people struggle with how to handle narcissists effectively. 

The key? 

Outsmart them!

Let’s get to the good bit…

How to Outsmart a Narcissist

#1 Be Firm – Set Your Boundaries!

Narcissists are known to thrive on pushing limits, no matter who they belong to. Oh yes, expect boundaries to be constantly tested. They will look for your weakness and then exploit them, until now, that is!

The first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to get your boundaries as firm and clear as possible. This means being completely transparent about behavior you will accept, and what behavior you won’t.

Don’t stop short at setting boundaries, you have to enforce them too. When that narcissist attempts to walk all over them, you have to calmly and consistently push back. 

Make your language clear – and assertive. No, they won’t like it, but hey, this isn’t about them anymore, is it? The less emotion you apply, the better. After all, narcissists feed off any kind of reaction.

Composure is key, just like consistency. 

#2 “Gray Rock”

The gray rock method is such an empowering tool when dealing with any narcissist. 

The idea of gray rock is to make yourself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible.

You might think that sounds easy but it does take a little practice to get it just right.

Remember, narcissists crave drama and seeing you act ‘overly-emotional.’ By being boring and unengaging, you deny them that very satisfaction they seek.

Bingo!

When they try to provoke you, be bland. Be the human equivalent of vanilla.

Avoid showing anger, frustration, excitement – any of it. Over time, they are strongly likely to lose interest in trying to manipulate you because you’re not giving them the fuel they need.

You’ve become so boring!

No…. I am just doing my best to outsmart your attitude…

#3 Deflection – Master It!

Narcissists love to put you on the spot – it’s their attempt to make you feel uncomfortable. 

One way to tackle this is to master what I like to call the art of deflection.

Whenever they try to criticize or undermine you, that’s when you redirect the conversation. Ask them a question that shifts the focus back onto them or onto a neutral topic.

I’ll give you an example.

They criticize your decorating work at home (how predictable, right?) 

Now you respond with, “Interesting point. What do you think about the weather lately?” 

It sounds crazy, but it really throws them off and totally stops them in their tracks. 

#4 Information is Preparation!

Ah yes, narcissists will often use misinformation and lies to manipulate everybody else. 

You can outsmart them here by being well-informed and prepared. Do your research, re-check facts, and even have evidence to back it all up. 

Many people I know have been known to write down information or revert to old texts for screenshots to prove their points. 

This will all reduce the narcissist’s ability to use deception against you.

This is all about concrete information – and who can argue with the facts?

#5 Gather Your Support System

It’s not uncommon for narcissists to isolate their victims to assert themselves and gain more control.

You can maintain a strong network of people you love and trust. Seek support from anybody you know who may understand the situation you’re in, and who can provide advice.

Encouragement is also heavily advised here!

Having that crucial support system will help you stay grounded in your reality. When a narcissist is trying their best to get to you, you have people you can rely on to turn to. 

Let’s start unlock that potential!