When you meet a female narcissist, it’s easy to assume that you’re receiving feelings of love; convinced that this is forever.
There are some truths at this point I think you should know, and I won’t skirt around each of these 10 things men mistake for love when dealing with a female narcissist.
You want it to be real, but your entire relationship is built on a thin foundation of lies.
Here’s why.
#1 Intensity that feels like a connection
Relationships with a narcissist always start fast.
Narcissistic women are no exception to this, as they dive in with deep talks, express big emotions, and keep in constant contact with their victim.
The whirlwind results in victims feeling seen; as if they were chosen especially by the narcissistic woman to be a part of the best love story of all time.
Intensity feels like pure chemistry, like a connection that you’ve never felt before. It’s as if fate pulled the two of you together.
It’s not.
It’s exactly what I said it was and nothing more – intense. To the point where you can feel overloaded. But ask yourself. Should you feel anxious in real love?
No.
#2 Passion that transpires to be jealousy
Passion shouldn’t look like jealousy, but that’s how it’s packaged when it comes to female narcissists.
She will care who you speak with, and who’s texting you. She wants you to know where you are, or where you’re going.
You feel flattered at first because you think she just wants to spend time with you.
Ask yourself though; is love trusting, or is it a form of control in disguise?
The narcissistic woman’s jealousy never comes from a place where she is afraid to lose you, she just fears not having proper control of your life,
so you shrink your world for her. You make it smaller because you don’t want to deal with the fallout.
You might think it’s her being passionate about your relationship, but it’s not. It’s possessiveness.
#3 Being needed resembles being loved
You think she loves you, but in actual fact, she needs you.
She needs your emotions as a source of supply. She needs your money because she can’t stand on her own two feet. She needs you to mentally keep her from being bored.
As you’re the steady one, you are the anchor in the storm, and it feels good.
Love isn’t a dependency, though. It’s supposed to be a partnership, where you love each other and support each other in equal measure.
You shouldn’t be valued for what you provide. All that should tell you is that you’re being used.
#4 Chaos feels like emotional layers
The highs are extremely high, and the lows are off the scale. You fight one minute, and you’re making love the next.
You have a few days where you’re distant, and suddenly you’re living in each other’s pockets again.
Normally, this would be the kind of relationship that’s hard to keep up with, but in abusive dynamics, stability is boring, and it’s the chaos that fuels because it’s so loud and thrilling.
She says it makes her feel alive when you make up after a fight, and the passion creates wild intimacy between you.
This level of chaos isn’t sustainable, and it’s not love.
#5 When she shares her past, it feels like trust
A narcissistic woman is always keen to share their past with you and how hurt she’s been.
The past betrayals will hit you like a pile of bricks, and you will feel protective of her. As you promise to never hurt her, she will hold you to that.
Whenever she wants, demands or requests, you will jump at the chance to save the day and please her, knowing that you made that promise, and you don’t want to cause any pain.
You feel honored, but it’s not love, nor how love should work.
She doesn’t trust you with her past, she trusts that you will deliver above and beyond what you physically can.
#6 She chose you: is it commitment?
You’re different from all the other guys.
You’re so much better than my exes.
You are the only person who has ever really understood me.
Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? You really know how to step up and be Prince Charming.
You weren’t chosen for the person that you are. You were chosen because you want to meet her needs, no matter how impossible that may be.
Don’t let her manipulation of you make you feel special.
#7 Problems fixed mistaken for investment
Male victims work so hard to communicate better, try harder and stay as calm as possible for their female narcissists.
The effort is all one-sided, as it depletes you, and you long for it to meet you halfway somehow.
Love shouldn’t be how you exhaust yourself trying to please another person, no matter what you’re told.
Investment shouldn’t be how you fix problems, but ensuring problems rarely arise.
There is no peace in that, and no way of coming out painfree.
#8 She’s not validating you when she approves
It feels so good to see your narcissistic partner happy, doesn’t it? When she’s happy, the whole world smiles alongside her, most of all you.
When she’s not, boy oh boy, that’s a different story. Is that how it should be?
Should you be down to be controlled by her emotions in this way? That seems like conditioning to me.
Your worth shouldn’t be reactive, and love should never make you feel less or more valuable to her.
Her approval comes across as validation, but in actual fact, she’s having the say in everything you say and do.
That’s incredibly controlling.
#9 The future is painted in a hopeful way
There is potential in the relationship, that’s for sure. You hold onto what could be because that’s what gives you the light at the end of the tunnel.
The glimpses of perfection between you are held onto like they’re gold dust, and those moments feel magical.
Promises keep you from believing that it’s all fake, and you’re attached purely by hope.
Real love is about the present moment. It has no hold on the future; nothing does.
There’s no looking ahead to what might be amazing, there’s just what you have now, and making sure that’s enough for you.
When she paints the future while treating you like crap in the present moment, you have to ask yourself if that’s real love.
#10 Your tolerance for the relationship is framed as loyalty
Through all the pain, sadness, confusion and disrespect, you stay. It’s because you choose to, even though it hurts.
You are tested every single day, making sure that you tick all the boxes and are loyal. The narcissistic woman wants you to be committed and strong, but you feel nothing but weak.
Why is that?
Because you are being slowly erased by a woman you thought was your everything.
You are barely surviving in a situation you thought would be a relationship that’s just barely reciprocal.
There’s nothing good or hopeful about that.
