When you want the person you’re with to show you that they love you, it shouldn’t be too difficult should it? Especially if they love you back.
If you’re with a narcissist and want them to show love, they will do so in the strangest of ways – every way but showing up for you when it matters.
I want to look at those strange ways today, and there are 10 in all, that a narcissist will show you they love you. But tell me, are any of them actually healthy?
#1 With their words
You’d think that words wouldn’t be strange. We tell people we love them all the time if we do, but narcissists limit themselves to these words alone, and it has a lot of people fooled.
Think about it; you could tell anybody that you love them. I could tell my mailman if I wanted to. Does it mean I do? No, of course not!
For some, words are enough. It’s what they want to hear, and the narcissist knows they can get away with whispering to them when it matters.
When you’re at your most down, when you’ve had a bad day.
But saying I love you is not being there and being part of a relationship. It’s just three words that offer a low person a little solace in their time of need.
It’s easy for them to say they love you, but difficult to express it.
#2 Wining and dining
We all know the romantic connotations of being taken out to a fancy restaurant and told we can have whatever we want on the menu.
The pianist is in the corner blissfully playing ambience music.
The candles are lit. The table service is top notch. The food is exquisite. It’s like you’ve stepped into a movie.
Going out for a meal like this is a strange, standard narcissistic way for them to show they love you.
They think they’re giving you their best moves, but it’s all about showing off for them. They love to act like they have all the money in the world and are throwing it in the air in front of you.
That’s not love.
#3 Physical intimacy
What goes on between the sheets is all part of what makes up a relationship, and I understand that.
But what goes on between the sheets shouldn’t be the only way a narcissist shows you that they love you.
For them, any form of physical intimacy is easy all the while it detracts from the emotional side of things.
They don’t want the talking, the vulnerability and the time spent connecting through sharing stories or hopes or dreams.
They want to do the deed, seal it with a kiss, and get up to go to the gym or work.
They think it’s enough for you, but if you’re a person with healthy, regulated emotions, you’ll soon miss out on the richness of emotional intimacy before long.
#4 Expensive vacations
Vacations are fun, and we all enjoy getting away and having a break from the norm back at home.
Being treated or taken on an expensive vacation, where everything is about flashing the cash and seeing how much money you can spend on luxury accommodation or travel is not a great way of showing love.
In fact, it’s actually really strange.
Narcissists love material things in life because they want to possess everything (including you).
They think the more expensive a thing is, the more you can show that you love the person you’re giving it to.
Wrong!
#5 The social media pedestal
When you’re behind closed doors, the narcissist couldn’t care less about you, but one thing they do care about is their image.
In order to look like the pillar of society; the loving and trusting partner they want to portray, they will put you on a pedestal on social media.
You will be ‘the best thing ever’ and ‘the love of their lives.’ They will celebrate you in public to make it seem like they’re the dream partner.
This is all a lie, but i a trick to also make it hard for you to try to accuse them of abuse later down the line, as all people see is that in love person, and not the narcissist they really are.
#6 Fast proposal
Quicker than you can blink in some cases!
Proposals can come weeks into a relationship, maybe even sooner.
Narcissists know when they’ve got somebody who they know they can abuse for a very long time, and when they find that victim, they won’t want to let them go.
Showering you with love and promises and making it seem as though you’re in a fairytale will keep you happy, and keep you from leaving.
#7 By telling everybody
Work colleagues, friends, family; everybody they can think of will know that they love you.
It’s like shouting it from the rooftops to ensure the whole world knows if anything goes wrong, it wasn’t down to the narcissist.
It’s so conniving, isn’t it? They’re already thinking ahead to the disastrous end, and they want to claim rights to being the victim.
Which means you stand no chance in looking like the innocent victim, so don’t even try.
#8 Sudden rescue
When you’ve been metaphorically (or even literally) pushed to the ground, the narcissist will come along and look as though they are saving the day by rescuing you.
It’s a strange dynamic when you’re rescued by the very person who caused the problem in the first place, but this is typical of narcissists who covertly cause pain and then fix what they broke in a more overt manner.
I love you so much, I hate to see you suffer.
Then why do you cause so much of it?!
#9 Expensive jewelry and clothes
It’s so easy to go out and buy a nice necklace, or a pair of earrings that cost a fortune if you have the money, isn’t it? I could do it, you could do it, and it means nothing.
Yet to victims who spend probably 90% or more of their time feeling unhappy and unsafe, a pair of earrings to prove they’re loved will more than do.
The same goes for clothes; throwing money at the person you’re abusing and telling them to go have an ice time spending it is all good, but it’s not love. It isn’t time or honesty or respect.
Narcissists see material things as more important than a hug, a talk, or ears to listen.
Let’s not forget the ways they hold those things against you at a later time!
#10 Copying your interests or traits
Mirroring is a sure fire way for victims to feel as though they’ve met their soulmate. In fact, the more it looks like you have something in common, the more you will want to hold onto what you have and not let it go.
It’s a dangerous game, but one that narcissists know how to play well.
This is not love, this is manipulation. You think you love somebody but they aren’t the version they make out to be.
Don’t walk, run!
