When you want to leave a narcissist, you should never be manipulated to stay.
I know that’s easier said than done considering the games they play in order to keep you around.
In fact, it’s common for them to shame you into staying by using simple phrases that prevent you from taking that step away from them.
You know you’re ready to leave, but now you feel like you’ve been cornered.
Why? All because of these 10 spiritual phrases narcissists can’t help but blurt out.
#1 God hates divorce
Oh my goodness, why didn’t you tell me that you and God got on so well? Why did you keep it a secret about how He feels about divorce?
That’s what I want you to clap back with, but so many victims instead take on all the shame this phrase carries. And it’s a heavy amount, trust me.
So when you’re told, particularly as a person of strong faith, that God hates divorce, you’ve really got to ask yourself the big question that beats this phrase to a pulp.
God hates?
God doesn’t hate. It’s the opposite of His intended purpose. God loves. God forgives.
Is he going to hate you for walking away from a relationship that is abusive and soul destroying for you?
The narcissist doesn’t see the abuse, so they’re not going to agree, but no, God absolutely won’t.
This is a poor way to get victims to stay, and a shameful way for a person to behave in order to manipulate that outcome.
#2 Everything happens for a reason
Does it? Says who? I know you’re thinking that this is a fairly popular phrase used by a lot of people, and you’re right, it is.
But when it’s used to keep a person in a relationship, don’t you think it’s odd?
We met for a reason!
Have you ever thought that maybe that reason is to learn about narcissism and to learn the lesson that abusers can come with a smile painted on them to trick you into relationships that aren’t good for your mental or emotional health?
Nobody should be listening to this kind of talk. If you want to leave, this shouldn’t be what makes you stay.
There’s no shame in admitting something didn’t work out and moving on.
#3 You’re being tested
Tested? Are you some kind of car being taken on a test drive? No. You’re a person. The world isn’t testing your resilience to make sure you’ve got what it takes to stay with the narcissist.
This isn’t fair, or right.
It pains me that narcissists feel they have the right to speak their minds and assume everybody else has to agree with them, but we are dealing with people with such over-inflated egos that it comes as no real surprise.
You aren’t being tested by the universe to see what your limits are, you’re being pushed to your limits by a person who doesn’t love you.
#4 Love is patient, love is kind
They’ve got a point. Love is patient, and love is kind. But do you want to know something?
You’re not being treated with patience or kindness. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
You’re being treated abusively, and they’re saying this to you because patience and kindness is what they want to be rewarded with.
But it works both ways, doesn’t it? You can’t be somebody giving a relationship your everything, while in return you get treated that way.
That’s why shaming you into staying like this has no point to it other than to further manipulate you.
#5 You’re not forgiving enough
I don’t even know you, yet I beg to differ! If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, the chances are you’ve already given more forgiveness to them than they deserve in five lifetimes.
The moment you want to leave because you’ve had enough, a narcissist can question why you’re choosing to go when you could yet again, choose to forgive?
More than that, condemning you for wanting to go because your limit has been reached.
#6 Let go of your ego
Sorry, what? You’re the one with the ego? Since when? Before you go any further with your thoughts on this, I beg of you, search for the truth here.
There is no ego with you. There is just the desire to leave and put this relationship behind you.
You don’t want to be there, but the narcissist is acting as though your ego wants to walk away because you think you’re better than them.
You are.
You deserve much more than you’re getting, so there should be no shame in leaving.
#7 Let Karma handle it
Karma? There’s no Karma when it comes to abuse. You want to leave, and you have every right to!
Narcissists will use phrases like this when they want to act as though they too are leaving the relationship to fate.
Just stay and see what happens. What will be, will be.
It doesn’t work that way, though, does it? How can it? Then you stay and continue to be treated poorly and assume that was what was meant for you.
Absolutely not. The way you deal with wanting to leave, is leaving. There’s nothing more to it.
#8 Good vibes only
Sounds ideal, doesn’t it? We all want to live a ‘good vibes only’ life, but let’s be honest, there are no good vibes when it comes to abuse.
Good vibes happen only after you leave. Don’t be programmed into thinking good vibes and abuse can live side by side; they are not synonymous.
This is real manipulation, where you believe the standards set are the ones destined for you forever.
When you leave, you will really get to know good vibes.
#9 You just need to pray more
Asking your God to help you will only get you so far. In reality, it’s the same kind of ‘holding onto hope’ that the narcissist gives you.
One day, I will be listened to and things will change. Until then, I’ll keep asking.
Okay…
And how long do you think that’ll take? Have you got that time? Can you afford it? Could you be using it more wisely?
You already know the answers to this. You just need to find a way to be okay with leaving, and stick to that choice.
It’s the one that’ll save you. And you can pray while you do it!
#10 Suffering is all part of the spiritual path to growth
This is true. If you want to grow, there can be suffering involved as you let go of old habits and parts of you that no longer serve you.
Growing attached to them doesn’t mean they should be there to stay, right?
But suffering at the hands of an abuser is not how you grow. It’s how you stay small and scared and under control. The longer you stay, the longer you remain in that place.
Growth means getting uncomfortable and doing things that aren’t familiar.
If that means standing up for yourself and leaving, then so be it.
