10 Signs You Were Raised By a Narcissistic Mother

Too many people are being raised by narcissistic mothers, which means only one thing;

Too many narcissistic mothers are starting families.

If you can relate to having a mother so toxic that she fundamentally reshaped you through her years of abuse, then this one is for you.

All those years shared with somebody who treats you so coldly will have a lasting effect, and I know what a challenge it is to start healing from it.

Here are 10 signs you were raised by a narcissistic mother.

#1 Your anxiety is through the roof

It’s no wonder your anxiety is through the roof if you were raised in a house where no two days ever offered the warming consistency that family homes should offer.

I think we all take for granted a nice, loving environment that we feel safe in as kids.

Even those that children don’t feel safe in somehow become familiar to them, which is sad in itself.

Anxiety stems from being worried about the future. What will happen, worst-case scenarios, catastrophic thinking, and negative thought biases.

Anxiety has to have roots, and I am afraid these usually stem back significant events that happened.

Childhood, with your narcissistic mother, will be more than enough to cripple you and cause anxiety that you sometimes feel you have no control over.

#2 You are scared of having kids and repeating the cycle

I honestly don’t blame you if you feel overwhelmed at the thought of having kids and starting a family.

When you’ve spent your childhood caught up in cycles that have chewed you up and spat you out, it’s natural to not want to head in and repeat them with children of your own.

This is a great moment to inform you that many children who have narcissistic mothers grow up, have children, and are fantastic mothers.

Even just being open and conscious of what happened to you is enough to shift that generational trauma and allow you to refuse to make those same mistakes again with your own kids.

#3 You feel a thick grief

Grief is not solely reserved for the dead. In fact, I feel as a society we underplay how much we actually need to grieve in life.

Losing your job, falling out of touch with a good friend, relocating, or in this instance, grieving the mother you never had.

Even though she was there in person, she did not fulfill the role she was designated, and that will have a ripple effect on you growing up and becoming your own person.

It will feel difficult grieving somebody who is alive, as eventually you will have to grieve twice.

But just know that grief looks different for us all, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel about your abusive mother.

#4 You had no boundaries, and still struggle with them

If your own mother cannot respect your boundaries, then you’re probably thinking, “Who can?!”

The answer is, a lot of people! You just so happen to have a mom who is unwilling to respect your morals and wishes, but that doesn’t mean the world is full of only those types of people.

Growing up you will have experienced a lack of bother about your wishes.

There would have been no knocking on your bedroom door before entering. You will have been walked all over.

And now you likely feel guilty for trying to implement them, when the truth is, you are more than capable.

Boundaries create strength. They are always worth fighting for.

#5  You have image issues

Image issues such as feeling insecure about how you look, how you want to dress and present, or even down to how you style your hair can come from your narcissistic mother.

She will have spent years criticizing every part of you, including your image. One minute your choices will be fine, the next, they will be scoffed at.

Growing into an adult, this problem seems to still make you feel stuck. You want to feel comfortable in your own skin, but there’s nothing that can help it, so you just wear and look what and how feels safe to you.

#6 And even bigger identity issues

And your image extends out into your entire identity, as you struggle to even know what you like.

All those years you were told nothing you ever did or liked was good enough, now you’re left wondering how to build yourself into a whole person with passions, hobbies and opinions.

Your identity feels lost, like it will never exist, all because it was something your mother never encouraged growing up. You had to be like her, and do as she told you to do. Anything else was wrong.

#7 You hate conflict

Conflict sends your nervous system into overdrive because you grew up being surrounded by it.

Your narcissistic mother couldn’t go a day without causing drama, fallout and confusion, and for you, anything that resembles it triggers your past and dragging it into your present life.

That’s a hard way to live, and a lot to try to avoid.

#8 You don’t believe in yourself

You just wanted somebody to fight your corner, but there was nobody. You wanted somebody to defend you, but instead, your mother was too busy, or too unbothered.

You wanted somebody to tell you, “Well done!”, when it mattered, but instead, there was silence.

You don’t believe in yourself now because the way you were raised led you to think you weren’t worth believing in.

The difference not having a proper parent in your life can make on a person is drastic, and will have a profound effect on you.

#9 Success and failure scare you

You want to succeed, but you were never shown how to truly celebrate yourself in it.

It always felt like success was out of reach, and your jealous narcissistic mother never pushed you to achieve anything.

Then there’s failure. You fear it because it triggers all those negative thoughts you already have about yourself such as, “I am unable, I can’t do what I want, I can never be happy.”

When you didn’t succeed as a child, you were told off for not being perfect.

When you tried to be perfect, you were told to stop aiming so high, because you’ll never reach.

#10 You parentified your narcissistic mother

When you should’ve been the child, being loved and cared for, you had to show up and be the adult.

Your narcissistic mom came to you for advice, and she came to you to tell you all her problems.

You were far too young to cope with any of it, and you were far too young to hear all the adult things and big feelings she shared with you.

Maybe you had to tidy up after her, or fix her mistakes, or defend her, or take care of her.

This should never have happened to you. Children should be children, and parents should be parents.

These are roles that, when reversed, leave devastating scars on children who some day grow up to be very confused, very heavily-burdened adults.