Dealing with a narcissist in any fashion is challenging, but growing up with a narcissistic parent is especially traumatizing.

Being raised by a narcissist means being exposed to abusive behavior, which can take a significant toll on your psychological development.

The problem with growing up with a narcissistic parent is that you may question whether you actually experienced abuse.

Narcissists are gaslighters, so they love to make you feel as if you’re insane or imagining things.

This means you might have a feeling a narcissistic father raised you, but you’re not always sure.

If you’re looking for confirmation, some key signs suggest a narcissist raised you.

We’ll discuss them below.

How do you identify a narcissistic father?

Having a narcissistic father can significantly impact your upbringing and psychological development.

If you’re looking for validation that your father was a narcissist, the following ten signs paint a pretty clear picture.

#1 Lack of empathy

People with narcissistic personality disorder tend to have a profound lack of empathy. Unfortunately, narcissistic fathers are no different.

If you grew up with a narcissistic father, he didn’t have any ability to understand your feelings and experiences. This probably left you feeling emotionally neglected.

It also meant that your father could be quite demanding and hurtful, disregarding his behavior’s impact on you.

#2 Use of manipulative tactics

A narcissistic father is more than willing to use manipulative tactics, even with his own children. This can involve using guilt and shame to control others’ behavior and get his way.

Narcissistic fathers are also prone to gaslighting. This means when they were abusive, they probably accused you of being too sensitive.

Or, perhaps, they told you that you were remembering things incorrectly.

#3 Conditional love

Narcissists view relationships as transactional, and relationships with their children are no different.

This means a narcissistic father’s love is entirely conditional, based upon what you can provide for him.

If your father gave love and affection only when you met certain conditions, such as achieving certain goals or making him look good in public, he was probably a narcissist.

For narcissistic fathers, approval is tied to achievements, personal appearance or other superficial criteria.

The children of these fathers feel that they are loved on only a conditional basis.

#4 The constant need for control

Narcissists need to remain in control of others to feel superior. This means they exert dominance over their children, entirely dismissing their children’s autonomy.

Narcissistic fathers have no regard for their children’s opinions. They see themselves as in control and have no room for anyone who feels otherwise.

If you grew up with a narcissistic father, he probably continued this controlling behavior even after you reached adulthood.

#5 Excessive criticism

It’s normal for parents to correct their children from time to time, but for narcissistic fathers, correction and discipline take on an entirely different meaning.

A narcissistic father doesn’t care about encouraging and supporting his children. Instead, he believes children should cater to him and meet his every need.

When children inevitably make mistakes, narcissistic fathers are overly critical.

If you grew up with a father like this, he tended to belittle, devalue, and demean you. He focused on your faults and mistakes, punishing you for every imperfection.

#6 Competing with you

Narcissists view life as a competition, and they must win against everyone around them, including their own children.

Growing up with a narcissistic father, you were likely to feel more like his rival than his child.

For instance, whenever you achieved career or academic success, he probably tried to undermine your successes or prove why he was even more successful than you. This is all part of his need to feel superior to others to fuel his ego.

#7 The constant need for admiration

Narcissists rely on external validation to maintain their self-esteem. This means they need constant admiration.

They expect their children to shower them with praise and acknowledgment for their accomplishments.

If you had a narcissistic father, you were probably punished harshly if you ever failed to recognize how wonderful he was.

At the same time, he probably downplayed or ignored your achievements because he was too absorbed in seeking out his validation. Remember, it is all about him!

#8 Emotional unpredictability

If your father showed extreme mood swings and volatile emotions, he might have been a narcissist.

Narcissists are known for erratic behavior, which can create a stressful, unstable home environment for children.

Narcissists tend to be overly emotionally reactive when things don’t go their way or when they experience rejection.

Interactions with their children can result in angry outbursts if children aren’t behaving exactly as expected.

As a child of a narcissistic father, his behavior was probably quite confusing for you, as he could go from affectionate to angry with little warning.

#9 Grandiose behavior

When growing up with a narcissistic father, you’re likely to observe grandiose behavior in his interactions with others.

This means he will expect special treatment and demand to be recognized as important in every setting.

#10 Inability to tolerate criticism

Narcissists are unable to tolerate any form of criticism. Negative comments from others, no matter how slight, trigger the narcissist’s deepest feelings of insecurity.

They need to maintain a perfect facade, and anything that threatens this facade is too much for them to handle.

One clear sign your father was a narcissist is that he couldn’t tolerate even the smallest piece of criticism.

Certainly, he could dish it out to you, but he’d become enraged if you ever fought back.

You might have also observed him lashing out in response to any negative feedback he received from others, such as a boss, friend, or other family member.

The validation you need

Unfortunately, a narcissistic father is unlikely to validate your emotions or apologize for the behavior you endured as a child.

However, if you noticed some or many of the behaviors above, you can be pretty certain you had a narcissistic father.

His bad behavior was never your fault, regardless of what he tried to make you believe.

Furthermore, any mistreatment you experienced was real and valid, and it’s understandable if you were negatively impacted.

You’re worthy of being treated with love and respect, and there is no shame if you need counseling to help you begin your healing journey. You couldn’t control the father you had, but you can decide what behavior you’ll tolerate now as an adult.

What Eventually Happens To Narcissists?

How Does it End For Narcissists?

Narcissists are like a really painful, long book that you have to read to understand. They don’t come with an index or bullet points. If they did, half their toxicity would fall through the cracks.

Sadly, people like you or I must experience them fully before we know each trick.

If I can offer you one fragment of light at the end of this treacherous tunnel – it’s this:

What happens to narcissists is an ending that you’re going to want to hang on for.

Let’s get into it.

“Look At Them!”

It’s enough to make you sick, isn’t it?

They live their merry little lives, seemingly getting away with anything and everything, making you want to scream from the rooftops.

Yes – it’s unfair.

You wish they would just crumble and fall down, so you could finally see them suffer as much as they made you suffer.

You want what happens to them to be detrimental to everything they pretend to be.

Does The Tide Ever Turn?

What do you think? I mean, I want to be able to tell you that they do indeed turn honestly.

I also know and appreciate how it really doesn’t feel that way at the time. Constantly waiting for them to taste their own medicine can feel like waiting for rain in a drought.

But I am here to say that, yes, eventually, that rain will come.

And it will feel amazing.

The Beauty of Karma

I don’t like to meddle with Karma. Instead, I trust that everything will work exactly how it should.

Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. The circle of life appreciates both good and bad happenings, and I am certain that includes narcissists and how they treat others.

Karma doesn’t need you stepping in and taking over, so if you ever try to gain justice from a situation involving a narcissist, you’re likely to lose.

Rather than that – it’s nothing but a waiting game.

But a game you’ll definitely not want to quit.

How Does It End For Them?

No narcissist has a really happy ending.

Ultimately, they go home alone every day, even if they go home to somebody.

Narcissists always want to be part of something, yet never feel part of anything. It’s all empty. It’s all meaningless. They don’t have layers to them or an ounce of appreciation for their family or friends.

That alone should tell you how it ends for every narcissist.

They’re nothing but lonely people craving some kind of something.

That is something they never end up getting.

#1 The Slipping of the Mask

You may have to wait a while, but the mask of a narcissist will always, I repeat, always slip off.

I know you think it can’t happen soon enough, and many of you will be screaming for it to be today—but it doesn’t work that way.

In fact, the more you try to rush the mask’s slipping, the crazier you will look.

If you want to allow their true selves to unfold naturally, you’ll have to wait for the day.

#2 Inability to Keep Up With Their Lies

We all know that lying can lead to serious trouble. Not only do you have to remember this, but you may also have to build potential lies around it so they make sense.

#3 One Small Mistake

This is all it takes, believe me. One tiny little slip up to get people talking is all it takes.

I once knew a narcissist professionally who never took any accountability for his mistakes.

He used to cover up all his mistakes, blaming others or deleting evidence that he was responsible.

One day, he was caught in the act. He had no defense, and even though he got really angry and tried to blame somebody else, it was clear he was to blame.

His mistake was leaving his work pass in the room where he shredded all the information he wanted to discard.

It’s all it took for the dominos to all fall down, and for the past to come together like a jigsaw puzzle. People saw what he was like, and nobody trusted him again.

#4 Time Will Tell

You’re all familiar with the saying, ‘Time will heal.’ It helps if you are going through hard times or have lost somebody close to you.

Time also heals your own heart as it allows narcissists to be revealed for who they really are.

As much as it will cause chaos, it will be healing to be validated by the entire event.

It’s how so many victims breathe a sigh of relief and say, “Thank goodness everybody can now see them for who they truly are.”

Time will give you that. You just have to wait for it.

#5 They Won’t Hesitate To Move!

Narcissists are renowned for moving.

To start again, if things get too heated where they live,

Looking for work in a new city or town for a ‘fresh start.’

Usually, when they run everybody else down or play them all in their games, they run out of people.

They run out of supply.

So what do they do?

They run away.

It won’t end there, though. Moving anywhere new only restarts the whole process.

Narcissists, for that reason, never really admit to having somewhere to call home.

#6 New Friends

Of course, moving anywhere means starting up a new friendship circle. People will mingle and meet with everybody, as all new people are considered to be fresh pawns in their game.

Friends end up being enemies before long…

In The End

You can wait and wait, but eventually, the narcissist will get their comeuppance.

In one way or another, whether being found out, having their mask slip, or having to keep bouncing from town to city to stay relevant or liked.

Please allow that to be the justice you need, because it is.

Narcissists will always be miserable. They hate the idea of being stuck or figured out, so they must constantly work out their plan to keep their true selves a secret.

Isn’t that the end you want to hear about?

I know it is for me.

What Happens When Narcissists Realize You Are on to Them?

Okay, I‘m going to warn you right from the very start…

If you are ever onto a narcissist:

They will show you a side of them even YOU would never have dreamed of seeing.

I hope you’re ready for that, because let me just say, things are going to get interesting.

You’ll see it all, but luckily, you cannot unsee anything once you start seeing it.

That mask has been well and truly on for all this time, and suddenly, as it slips, you begin to wake up…

…What happens now?

I’ve got the answers for you, right here.

The Thing to Know About Narcissists…

Narcissists are so far removed from reality that you being onto them alone won’t be enough.

They won’t gather your suspicions and run with them because they’re so in their own head that they will fail to notice.

What really gets the narcissists attention is when you change. People do this after they’ve seen the narcissist’s true colors.

They start to act differently and they also treat the narcissist differently too.

What used to be a people pleaser has turned into a guarded, stronger character, and narcissists hate that.

They cannot stand somebody offering them a different version of themselves they’re used to.

You might present:

In a way that stands your ground. You won’t budge just because the narcissist has demanded you do.
You no longer do what they say. You won’t if they want you to stop talking to that person. It’s not up to them, after all.
Your reality becomes clearer. All the times they have tricked you into confusion are now in the past.
You begin to see the bigger picture opening up before you. All the abuse becomes clear.

When Narcissists Know You See Through Them

Narcissists will know you see through them as soon as you stop giving them what they need.

Remember, they crave everything good in you, but they steal it from you. Once taken, they will never return it, just continue to sap it from you.

Realizing you are not a maple tree, you awaken, and everything changes.

I mean everything.

You’re finally putting yourself in harm’s way no more, and the narcissist becomes frustrated.

The difference now is that they are no longer able to use the usual tricks to get a response from you.

The techniques they once had up their sleeve are going to be deemed useless if the person receiving them has their eyes wide open.

The frustration for them will become very real, very quickly

Caught in the Act: What Now For You?

When a narcissist realizes you’re onto them, it’s as if you’ve caught them in the act. You begin to understand that all the ways they would abuse or belittle you were nothing to do with you.

It was everything to do with them.

What does this mean for you?

It means you get your freedom back. It means you get to pull back the control they’ve taken from you over time.

What could be more liberating than knowing you have released yourself from this painted belief that you’re the problem?

It will be a great time for you to get to the other side of the abuse, and start to piece the puzzle together.

The narcissist won’t enjoy it – but hey – it’s not about them anymore!

How Narcissists Respond to Being Uncovered

Narcissists are initially so frustrated when you blow their cover. Realizing you’ve changed is never going to work for them, because they can’t undo what you’ve learned.

The narcissist will find it impossible to claw back the submissive person who did as they were told, and acted in a way that kept them in control.

Their mind will start to spin out as they watch you:

Figure out their lies
Understand their deceit
Realize the extent they were gaslighted
Watch them closely, making them undoubtedly uncomfortable
Work on making your own self stronger again

Where the narcissist was once able to move people around and play them like a game of chess, the dynamics change completely.

All it takes to break the dynamics is one person figuring them out. It’s like pulling one card from a house of cards, and seeing it all fall down.

You are that card, and you have pulled yourself out of the equation.

Now comes the consequences.

How Narcissists Handle Being Found Out

It’s natural for a narcissist to feel on guard when they’re found out. They notice and sense the change, and they are now wondering how to make it all ‘normal’ for them again.

How they handle you finding out is quite interesting.

Anger

The narcissist is angry that now you are unreachable. You’ve checked out, and you’re nothing but disengaged to their tactics.

It’s like you were once a fire that has now burned out. No matter how many times they poke you, you’re not going to start up again.

This enrages them.

Denial

If you were to start speaking up about what you realize, you’d probably have a little fun watching them deny any wrongdoing and potentially even turn it around on you.

Narcissists deny through sheer panic. They don’t want to be found out, and they don’t want you to ruin the perfect image they’ve spent years building.

Narcissists deny when they have nowhere else to go. If you are showing them a version of themselves that’s far from ideal – they don’t want to see it. Even if it’s true, they don’t want to face seeing the ‘real’ them.

That’s the person they can’t stand.

Discard

So … Here it comes ….

The discard. You’re no good to them anymore. They don’t want you around. You’re useless.

Your supply has dried up. You know the real them. They can’t fool or trick you into believing their lies.

Your yesterday’s news, so any relationship is going to now be no relationship.

Once they’re through with you, the next aim is to find the next ‘you.’

Revenge

Sometimes, yes, the narcissist sees you as somebody who needs a little calculated revenge thrown their way.

For all the times you have rattled their cage and questioned their games – you now get the treatment.

The smear campaign.

It is not above the narcissist’s station to tell people what a troublemaker you are. How good you are at lying and the untrue rumors you spread about them.

The narcissist will be believed because they’re so good and manipulating situations in their favor.

10 Signs You Had a Narcissistic Father