You have your suspicions that your father is a narcissist. You can’t place your finger on one particular thing, but it feels like the puzzle is coming together on certain occasions.
In fact, the more you look into it, the harder it is to avoid the fact that they are displaying some very worrying signs.
If any of these 10 signs that your father might be a narcissist are relevant, then you just may need to face facts.
#1 He doesn’t like it when you don’t give him attention
Are we supposed to spend our entire childhood giving our fathers all the attention we can?
No. It’s not normal to have to drop what you’re doing and make it all about them, so if you are dealing with that or have in your past, just know that you’re probably looking at a narcissist.
If a narcissist isn’t getting any attention, they really can’t stand it. They have to be front and center, and if that’s not happening, they will kick up some kind of stink.
Punishment, rage, silence, sulking, sabotage; that stink will always look the same.
#2 He’s always too busy when you need him
It’s funny that when you don’t want your dad around, he’s always there, yet when you do, he’s always too busy.
Kids need their parents a lot, and fathers are not exempt from that.
Do you have memories of wanting your dad for something, only to be practically told that you’re a pain and to leave them alone, or go find your mom instead?
Their business is an excuse to not deal with whatever it is you’re requesting, and it hurts to know they can’t be concerned for you and show that through their presence.
#3 He puts a lid on your happiness
Whenever you were happy growing up, there was always this part of your father that didn’t like to see you exude too much joy.
Stop jumping around like that.
Okay, okay. We get it.
Calm down.
You’re making too much noise.
It’s not that big of a deal, stop screaming.
These comments might seem totally harmless. There’s no actual swearing or threats laced within them, but they are full of limits.
Why should any joy have a lid on it? Why should your happiness levels be the ceiling, and not the sky?
Your father doesn’t know how to be happy, so he wants to cap yours and turn you into him. This is a sign he is likely to be a narcissist.
#4 He picks fights right before important events
Just as you’re about to step out the door, or the night before something big that you’ve had planned is occurring, you can bet the narcissist in your father will ruin it.
These events might be family occasions, your achievements such as a graduation or school play, or even the Holidays or your own birthday.
As the conflict rises, so does the fact that they’re getting their own way.
Yelling, accusations, silent treatment, projection; these are all approaches the narcissist has that can fracture events to the point where you simply no longer look forward to any.
It’s worth noting that this is all to gain attention back onto them, because heaven forbid an event steal their thunder for a day or two.
#5 He blows hot and cold
You can’t keep track of his moods. One minute you’re the best thing that ever happened to him, and the next he can’t stand you, and you seem to do anything right.
The hot and cold is painful, and you as a child – even an adult – can’t keep up with him.
The goalposts always seem to move and no matter what mood you go to your father in, it’s never quite fitting for that moment.
The hot and cold is due to a dysregulated pattern of moods your father has taken on in order to keep people guessing.
They feel in control when their moods shift and change, and they want you to always feel like you’re on edge, waiting for them to alter their current state.
#6 Love equates to money
As all narcissists don’t know how to love, they all turn to money to try to express themselves. Throwing money at parties, throwing money at their kids.
They might get all the latest gadgets, but they don’t get time, patience and understanding from the person who they should be looking up to.
If your father is more obsessed with dollars than daughters, you’ve got yourself a likely narcissist on your hands.
#7 You aren’t allowed privacy
You were never given privacy as a child, and as you’ve grown into an adult, that lack of privacy still remains.
Your father wants to know everything about your life. What you do, who your friends are, how much you earn, what your house is worth, and anything to do with savings or mortgages.
They don’t just enquire out of curiosity, they want to know your worth and how successful you are.
And don’t even get me started on your personal life. They will feel it’s their right to know everything about your relationship, problems you have or challenges you face together.
It’s so they can have an opinion and gossip about you behind your back.
Yes – even your own father. Forget all boundaries.
#8 He doesn’t let you grow up
Forgetting that you’re now an adult, your father will still see you as that little boy or girl that always relied on them.
They will even say it aloud as much as possible. Why? Because that’s literally how they still see you.
You’re not an adult to them. They can’t face the reality that you are old enough to make your own choices and forge your own opinions.
That means your father will no longer have as much control over you:
Their worst nightmare.
#9 You’ve always lived with anxiety
But you were never really able to put your finger on what it was as a child. When you were given opportunities to relax, you could never really do it.
And the older you got, the more confused you got about how your anxiety originated, and why.
That is, until you started looking into narcissism, and understanding how being raised by the wrong type of person can leave you fundamentally damaged by them.
As your health suffers, so does your ability to rationalize in those moments you need that.
#10 You severely lack confidence and self-worth
Who wouldn’t? If your father was narcissistic, he would have never given you anything to help your self-worth shine.
You will have faded into the background and become invisible both to him, and to yourself.
You will have had limits imposed upon you.
You’ll never be able to do that.
You won’t make it.
You aren’t good enough.
Sometimes those words will have been direct, and other times you will have been treated like all those words were true. Either way, your confidence and self-worth will have dissipated.
Narcissistic fathers do this to their children, and once that damage is done, it’s very difficult (not impossible) to reverse.
