Far be it from me to offer you just one reason why narcissists accuse you of cheating and never believe you, when there are ten you can have for free!
They really are something else, aren’t they? In a way, it’s almost laughable to hear them accuse you of the very things they do pretty much every day.
We’re not perfect, but narcissists are a whole other level of wrong.
This is just one way they treat you with such disdain and shame you into trying to admit you do them wrong.
It’s time to understand why they do it.
Cheating? Really?…
I know. I hear you. It’s the last thing you’d do.
It’s not in you to put the person you love through all that pain and suffering just for a temporary feeling that you can’t seem to resist.
You don’t come from that kind of place. You’d rather be the honest, loyal and faithful person you were raised to be.
With values and morals that compliment a loving relationship, not ruin it.
But… the narcissist has their eye on you, and they want to accuse you of being a cheater.
Dig a little deeper, and you might find those reasons…
#1 To Confirm That You’re The Problem
Even though you’re not the problem, the narcissist wants to make sure you’re to blame.
And guess what they tell everybody else?
You guessed it.
You’re the one who causes the issues. You’re the conflicted one. You can’t help yourself. You don’t care who you hurt. You don’t care what you do.
#2 Control
Control is the very heartbeat of the narcissist. Without it, they don’t get what they want, and they’re unable to abuse you the way they do.
You are never to blame for the action of others, and that includes the narcissist.
Sometimes they use control to flatter you, or coerce you into a relationship, but this isn’t an occasion like that.
Instead, this is how they control the narrative of you. When people assume you’re a good person who would never do anything to hurt the one you love (which is true), they will see to it that everybody else thinks differently.
#3 Jealous Much?
Where are you going?
Who are you going with?
What time will you be back?
Why do you suddenly want to go there?
Why are you joining a gym?
Who is going to be there?
Why can’t I go with you?
Why were you so late back?
Why can’t you look me in the eyes?
When are you going to admit where you really were?
Exhausting set of questions, aren’t they? And all aimed at you and the very innocent lunch or visit to your fitness class you went to.
It means nothing, in fact, you’re just living your life. But for the narcissist, there has to be some underlying reason – and if it fits – they will point to you cheating.
#4 Insecurity
All narcissists are insecure I repeat, all narcissists are insecure.
Their attitude is going to differ from the reality of just how insecure they are, but we all know that this is due to overcompensating for what they want to hide from you.
Too proud to admit that they feel uncertain a lot of the time, or don’t believe in themselves or their capabilities will only shine a light on a weakness.
A weakness that they’re keen to hide from you.
And so they hand it over to you – you’re the cheater. You have to be, because they don’t believe you love them. That comes across angrily the majority of the time, but it certainly holds truth.
#5 Projection
Listen, narcissists may accuse you of the very thing they’re doing.
Projection is a common tactic in narcissism. Their feelings become yours. Their actions become yours. Their thoughts even become yours.
It’s a way for them to deflect what they’re doing, and make you think that it’s not happening.
It also becomes a problem when you’re the one with the heat on – and you know you’re innocent!
#6 To Gaslight
Gaslighting is one of the most insidious ways to abuse a person emotionally – and it’s popular with narcissists.
If they can get you to question yourself, they will do that. The love to watch you shake and tremble on the rocky foundations of your uncertainty, because that’s where they love you the most.
You’re able to be swayed if you aren’t rooted in your own reality, so if they’re accusing you of cheating, you might even start to think that the innocent work-related phone call with your coworker is actually some kind of affair!
#7 To Play Victim
Whenever they get a chance to play victim, narcissists will jump on board like it’s a five-star cruise.
They foresee the sympathy they’ll get, the people who will rally around them, or as you and I know it to be:
People they can manipulate.
And you know what gets me?
It works!
People actually for for it, and unknowingly give the narcissist exactly what they want:
The victim card.
If they’re accusing you of cheating, you can bet the reason why they might be doing it is to get others to side with them and stick by them.
Narcissists form allies this way.
#8 The Need to Sabotage
When it’s going right, the narcissist has to put an end to it somehow, don’t they?
It seems crazy to want to ruin a good thing, but narcissists are ingrained with such low self-esteem that they actually need the attention that self-sabotage brings them.
Think of them as dysregulated toddlers trying to live in an adult world, and you might start getting close to the real character of a narcissist.
#9 Boundaries: Testing, Testing!
If you showed any narcissist your boundaries, they’d jump on them as soon as possible to try to break them.
I’m not kidding.
They will attempt to ruin them and force them to crumble if it means they overstep and take advantage of you.
What’s yours is theirs for the taking, and your kind, honest and patient attitude is going to be put to the test each time they accuse you of cheating and then refusing to believe you when you protest your innocence.
#10 To Avoid Any Responsibility
What else is going on in their life? What are they trying to avoid?
At times, narcissists will throw accusations your way so they can free themselves of other wrongdoings that are circling them at that current time.
Take the heat off, take the responsibility off!
Accusing you works this way, and they know it!
