10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup

Has your girlfriend just dumped you but decided she wants to remain friends?

Whether you were dating for one month, six months, or one year, such a sudden turn of events can be heartbreaking.

So why do girls want to stay friends after a breakup? Girls may want to stay friends after a breakup for various reasons, such as maintaining a sense of familiarity and social support, respecting the positive aspects of the relationship, or hoping to rekindle the romance in the future.

However, staying friends after a breakup can also be challenging and emotionally complex, especially if one or both people still have strong feelings and expectations.

But you’d assume if she ended the relationship, she’d want you guys to go your separate ways; instead, she wants to be friends.

She more or less wants things to remain the same without the intimacy. How confusing is that? Very confusing, I know, but there’s a reason for it, and if you want to know why girls remain friends after a breakup.

Here are 10 reasons why girls want to stay friends after a breakup

Key Points you will learn from this article:

10 Reasons why girls may want to stay friends with their ex-boyfriends after a breakup

Answers to frequently asked questions about staying friends with an ex

The importance of setting clear boundaries for a healthy friendship and avoiding staying friends with the intention of getting back together.

#1 They Want Emotional Support

This is especially true if you have been dating for a while. When you were together, you were her emotional support, and she called you when she needed advice or a shoulder to cry on.

Now that you’re not together, she feels the void and wants to remain friends in order to keep that part of the relationship. 

#2 You Are Familiar To Them

Did you spend a lot of time together as a couple? If so, not only does she feel your absence, but having someone else around (even if it’s a friend), isn’t the same as you being there.

“So why doesn’t she just get back with me then?” I hear you asking, It’s not as simple as that.

Unless a woman is in an abusive relationship that is detrimental to her mental and physical health, there are always downsides to breaking up with someone, such as:

#1 They Don’t Want to Lose a Special Connection

It’s hard to develop a connection with someone because not many people will connect with your authentic self. So when you do find that connection, it isn’t easy to let go of it 

#2 Not Having Anyone To Chill With

There are some people you can just chill with, and there’s no pressure. You can sit in silence, watch TV, have a debate, or play computer games. You are comfortable with each other, and that’s rare to find. 

#3 The Fear Of Not Finding Someone Else

This is another contradiction in the dating world. You break up with your significant other because you’ve decided they don’t make a good partner, and you want to find someone else. But at the same time, you’re afraid that you won’t find anyone. 

#4 Parts Of Your Life You Feel You’ve Got To Avoid

You’re probably going through this right now as you read this. There are songs you find it hard to listen to, places you feel uncomfortable visiting, and TV shows you don’t like watching because they remind you too much of your ex.

Well, that pain is minimized when you’re still friends because they’re not completely out of your life. 

#5 Missing Her Partner’s Family

Breaking up can be especially difficult if she got on well with her partner’s family. You may of invited her to all the family gatherings, birthdays, Christmas’, and other special holidays.

One of the reasons she wants to stay friends is because she doesn’t want to be excluded from your family gatherings. 

#3 You’ve Got Children Together

Although things didn’t work out between you and your partner, because you’ve got children together, she wants to remain friends for their sake, and this is especially true if they’re young.

Parents splitting up is very traumatic for children, and the last thing you’re partner wants to do is to intensify that trauma. 

#4 They Want to Remain Respectful and Friendly

Maybe you’ve got mutual friends, you work together, or you live in the same area.

Whatever the reason, you see each other often and holding onto animosity whenever you see each other isn’t something she wants to do.

So, instead of cutting ties with you completely and having to deal with that uncomfortable feeling every time you see each other, she’d rather remain friends. 

#5 They Want To End The Relationship On Good Terms

Ending a relationship on bad terms causes a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety.

For whatever reason, she’s decided she doesn’t want to be with you anymore.

As adults, you should have enough emotional intelligence to understand that not everyone is compatible and things don’t always work out as planned.

In which case, as far as she’s concerned, being friends shouldn’t be a problem. 

#6 Shared Interests and Experiences

She might want to remain friends, because you’ve got shared interests and experiences she wants to keep exploring.

Maybe you’re both into rock climbing or traveling to unique destinations, and she doesn’t have friends who share her passions. 

#7 Easing Into The Transition To Being Single

Although there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single, some women don’t like it for several reasons. Here are some of them:

#1 They Feel Lonely

Humans can thrive alone, but not for long periods. Everyone needs their ‘me’ time, but we also need to socialize.

When all a girl’s friends are single, they have plenty of things to do together. But the friendship dynamics change when their friends get into a relationship.

In some cases, they go from going out every weekend to once a month, or sometimes, not at all. This is when loneliness sets in, and they start thinking about finding their soul mate so they won’t need to feel lonely anymore. 

#2 They Are Insecure

Insecurity can manifest as needing constant validation from others. One of the most convenient ways to get this validation is from a partner.

Although most people are insecure to some degree, when a person is extremely insecure, it’s easy to get caught up in an abusive relationship because abusers pick up on insecurity. 

#3 They Have Co-Dependent Issues

Co-dependency is an excessive psychological or emotional reliance on another person.

It’s also referred to as ‘relationship addiction’ because co-dependent people jump from one relationship to the next because they find it so hard to be alone. 

#4 They Like Being In A Relationship

Some women just like being in a relationship. It’s not because they’re insecure or co-dependent but because they enjoy being in a loving, close union with a man. They enjoy being loved and giving love in return. 

#8 They Are Practising Personal Growth

One of the things people do when they’re practicing personal growth is fix their relationships.

They understand that some relationships are toxic, and they don’t need such people in their life; but they also understand that even though a romantic relationship didn’t work out, discarding it isn’t the solution.

She may have concluded that although you’re not someone she would date, there are plenty of things she can learn from you. 

#9 They Value Your Friendship

Good friendships are hard to come by these days because people are not genuine or they’re too self-centered to care deeply enough about the needs of others.

If you developed a great friendship while you were together, she’ll want to keep that. 

#10 They Want To Preserve The Memories

For some females, it’s out of sigh, out of mind when they breakup with a guy, which means if she doesn’t see you, she’ll quickly forget about you.

Despite the fact that she ended the relationship, she might not be ready to erase you from her life just yet because of the special memories you share, hence the reason she wants to remain friends. 


Here are answers to some of the most commonly asked questions about staying friends with your girlfriend after a breakup. 

#1 Can staying friends after a breakup lead to getting back together?

There is no definitive answer to this question because it can work for or against you. As friends, you’re more likely to let your guards down and show your true colors.

And your ex-girlfriend sees who you really are, she might decide she’d rather keep you as a friend than a boyfriend. 

#2 How can I tell if my ex-girlfriend really wants to be friends or if she still has feelings for me?

The best way to tell how your ex-girlfriend feels is to ask her. Signs such as her getting jealous when you mention other females, or her staying single since your break up are not enough to determine how she really feels. 

#3 How can I stay friends with my ex-girlfriend while also respecting my own emotional well-being?

Set boundaries. The boundaries you set are up to you, but ultimately, you’d want to avoid being exposed to anything that will upset you, like her talking about a new relationship.

Nevertheless, it’s best to part ways if you can’t handle being friends with your ex.

#4 What are some warning signs that staying friends may not be a good idea?

Warning signs that staying friends may not be a good idea include, sleeping with your ex in a friends-with-benefits type of arrangement, or her not wanting you to date anyone else even while she’s dating at the same time as not wanting to get back together. 

#5 How do I deal with the residual feelings of attraction or affection I still have for my ex-girlfriend?

If you still have feelings for your ex-girlfriend, your first step should be to speak to her and find out if she feels the same.

If so, great, you can try and work it out. If not, let it go. You can’t force someone to want you. It’s easier said than done, but that’s the reality of the situation.

#6 How can I effectively communicate my boundaries in a relationship after a breakup?

The first step is to be clear on your boundaries and the consequences attached to violating those boundaries.

Then arrange to have a face-to-face conversation with your ex-girlfriend and tell her what your boundaries are.

Be very firm and direct and let her know that if they’re broken, the friendship will come to a swift end. 

#7 What should I do if my ex-girlfriend wants to stay friends, but I don’t feel ready for that yet?

Tell her. Don’t fall into the trap of hurting yourself to appease others. That’s called people pleasing, and it’s a very unhealthy emotional state to be in.  

#8 How can I maintain emotional detachment in a friendship with my ex-girlfriend?

Emotional attachment is formed when your companionship, validation, or intimacy needs are fulfilled.

If you don’t want to maintain an emotional attachment with your ex-girlfriend, don’t let her know what your needs are, and she won’t be able to fulfill them. 

#9 Can guys and girls really just be friends after a romantic relationship?

Mature guys and girls can most certainly be friends after a romantic relationship because they are both emotionally intelligent enough to understand that they were not compatible.

The breakup was no one’s fault; it just wasn’t meant to be. When both parties come to this conclusion and don’t hold any resentment in their heart, they can be friends. 

#10 How do I navigate the boundaries of a friendship with my ex-girlfriend and avoid any confusion and misunderstanding?

You can navigate the boundaries by ensuring that you don’t break them. It’s easy to set boundaries, but it’s also easy for other people to influence you to violate them.

When you violate your own boundaries, it causes confusion. You’ll basically give your ex-girlfriend the green light to violate the boundaries you established. 

Before you Go

As you’ve read, there are many reasons why girls want to stay friends after a breakup.

It’s important to mention that if you do decide to stay friends with her, don’t do so with the intention of getting back together because you might end up with a broken heart.

In some cases, you’ve been permanently friend zoned because although she thinks you’re a really cool guy, she doesn’t see you as boyfriend material. If so, she’ll move on and won’t look back.

But there is a chance that you were the right guy, but you met at the wrong time, and things could work out later on down the line.

Whatever the outcome, get on with your life; it’s okay to hope for the best, but you should also prepare for the worst.

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Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

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