Narcissistic abuse is alive at this very moment in 1 in 5 relationships. It’s a scary number, right?
Knowing that you probably know somebody who had to deal with the toxic treatment of their partner is a very real thing to deal with.
So, what do you think of when you hear the words narcissistic abuse?
Hitting? Yelling? Well, it can include those terrible aspects – but it goes a lot deeper.
I want to show you exactly how deep this well of misery can go, with 10 perfect examples of narcissistic abuse.
Narcissistic Abuse is Still Abuse
I know it may not seem like it – but when you unravel all the different forms of abuse and roll them into one – that’s exactly what narcissistic abuse looks like.
Sexual, physical, emotional, mental, financial, neglect – they all count toward living with a narcissist, and over the years can have a devastating effect on its victims.
As you read through these examples, I want you to feel if they have, or ever have, resonated with you.
It’s never too late to ask for help, and it’s never too late to start over.
10 Perfect Examples of Narcissistic Abuse
#1 Silence
I know a lot of survivors of narcissistic abuse who will admit that one of the worst aspects of the abuse was when they were given the silent treatment.
It’s truly so damaging, and it’s done in a way that creates absolute fear and dread in the person on the receiving end.
The silent treatment occurs whenever the narcissist feels like it, and what does that do to the victim?
It makes them feel as though they’re constantly walking on eggshells.
They wait for the mood shift.
They overthink what caused it.
They place blame on themselves.
They feel guilty, knowing they ‘caused it.’
And what does the narcissist think/do?
Well, they love it! Why wouldn’t they? Everytime they give you the cold shoulder, they’re watching you squirm and get yourself upset.
They take away your good days, and replace them with bad.
#2 Gaslighting
Life can become unfair and unjust very quickly when you have your reality distorted by the narcissist.
In a clear attempt to mess with your mind and alter your reality, they will not hesitate in gaslighting you.
This can be done in various ways, and I want to show you several right now.
Gaslighting:
- Your memory can be pulled into question. The narcissist wants you to remember an event or conversation their way, so they will erase your memory of it by calling you forgetful, or telling you that it ‘didn’t happen that way.’ Soon enough, you just agree, because you wrongly trust them.
- They themselves can become confused by what you’re saying or doing, in an attempt to cause you to doubt yourself. You do, and you almost apologize for making them feel that way (and hey, they got what they wanted!)
- They refuse to listen to you, which in turn makes you think that what you’re saying is in fact wrong. You go along with their opinion or thought instead, as it’s so much easier than fighting for your own opinion or lived experience.
- They deny knowledge of what you’re talking about, even if it’s something innocent. They see you’re passionate or excited, and they want to get rid of that feeling within you as soon as possible. The only way to do that, is to crush you.
- Narcissists can tell you that you’re being too sensitive. You’re overreacting, and you’re intentionally trying to confuse them. This blame is unreal, but it works, as the victim backs down.
#3 Criticism
All narcissists criticize where they can, saying whatever means things they can think of just to bring you down a peg or two.
Do you deserve it? No! You don’t deserve any kind of abuse, but you mostly don’t deserve to be treated in a way that completely shatters you out of the blue.
Whether it’s how you look, what you say, what you like, who you choose to spend your time with, what hobbies you have, what your job is – the narcissist will find a way to poke at it.
#4 “I Was Just Joking”
Hey, narcissist, stop with the ridiculous justifications for being a terrible person!
Joking is meant to be fun and for all people to enjoy. When you’re making somebody the butt of your joke, it no longer becomes a joke.
It’s a way for the narcissist to allow themselves to get away with being unkind and disguising it as humor.
It is not.
#5 “You Don’t Need Them”
Pulling you away from people you care about in the hope it leaves you cut off from your support circle is a huge red flag – and points to narcissistic abuse.
Narcissists want you alone, so any way they treat you can be yours to deal with by yourself.
If that sounds worrying, it’s because it is.
#6 Rage
We all get annoyed from time to time, but to purposely rage at another person is terrifying, unnecessary and unpleasant.
To be so angry that you just explode, knowing you will upset that person is toxic. Narcissists do it to get a reaction, and that reaction is fear.
Rage comes from the inability to handle emotions properly, and the desire to intimidate the people you claim to like or love.
#7 You’re Hot Then You’re Cold
I hear all victims of narcissistic abuse say, which will it be today?
In truth, you’ll never know. The narcissist isn’t going to tell you what kind of mood they will be in. It’s your to constantly walk on eggshells to find out.
#8 Love/Sex-Bombing
While male narcissists tend to love-bomb, female narcissists prefer to use sex as a weapon of enticement for their victims.
It works to trap – and it works to form attachment bonds that are hard to break away from.
As loving as they may seem – it’s all an act.
#9 Guilt
Narcissists will use any way they can to make you feel guilty. If you say something they deem out of line or insensitive (the irony…), they will make you feel bad for it.
If you accuse them of anything, or complain that they were late, they will offer you the whole, “I work hard to put food on the table, it’s no wonder I have to work all the hours I can get,” line.
If you forget an important event or meeting, they won’t hesitate in reminding you. If you do the same, they’ll make you feel terrible for even suggesting they owe you an apology.
Narcissists love the guilt trip. It means they can hatch all their inner self-hate onto you, and watch you crumble as a result.
#10 And It’s All In The Cycle
If I could describe the narcissistic cycle of abuse in a few words, they’d be:
I love you, you’re annoying, I’m done with this, I’ve changed.
That’s the cycle that loops and loops, turns and turns, and like a sock caught in a washing machine, you get stuck in it.
It’s why so often you hear of people who ‘can’t leave,’ or ‘don’t know how to leave.’
The abuse is in the hesitancy – and only you can alter that.
