I don’t enjoy any consequence of narcissism, because there are so many painful ways they treat people.
When I think about the reasons why the narcissist will never love you, I feel like the shatterer of illusion.
But that’s where it’s probably a good thing, right? As uncomfortable as it is to break it to you that you will never be loved by this person, in the long run, it’s a favor to know.
And so, I give you 10 painfully honest reasons why the narcissist will never really love you. If you can use them to heal, then it will have been worth it.
#1 They don’t love anybody
I know I’m starting with probably one of the harshest points to raise, but narcissists really don’t love anybody. I know they may want to, and they will even pull out all the convincing cards they can, but in truth, they don’t.
Love is a concept to them, and nothing more. It’s what they want to aim for, and as people obsessed with image, they have every ability to sing it from the mountain top in the grandest of ways.
That really doesn’t mean they love you, though. It’s just a way for them to pretend so they look like the family-orientated people they want to push into the world.
#2 They’re just using you
What are you good for in the eyes of a narcissist? Whatever it is, I am sure they will get their way if they can charm themselves into your life with a lie and a smile.
And that’s not to blame you. You’re just looking for somebody to spend your life with, and they tick those crucial boxes with the version of themselves that turns out to be fake.
Using you can be for anything, from your finances to your good nature, from your reputations to the people you know who may help the narcissist.
#3 They were never truly loved in healthy ways
As painful as it might be to understand, the narcissist will have come from a dynamic that did not love them in healthy ways.
They may have been neglected as a child with their needs never met, and, carrying that resentment with them into adult life, they chose to build themselves up to be somebody that defies everybody else.
Then you have those placed on a pedestal the day they were born.
With the pressure to be perfect one hundred per cent of the time followed by being the golden child growing up, these kids will grow into narcissists.
In both cases, healthy love doesn’t exist.
#4 They are too obsessed with their own image
Excuse me, but I have to put it out there. If you think you’re going to come along with your image and personality and overshine the narcissist, you can think again.
Right when you think they are going to love you, you are in for a rude awakening.
What you’re faced with instead, is how much the narcissist loves themselves.
They are obsessed with the mirror, and making sure they are the best version of themselves they can be.
No amount of begging, pleading or looking and being a good person will change that.
This is where I have to say: stop. I’m being purposely painfully honest with you, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
This is all them.
#5 They can’t prioritize you
Narcissists will only prioritize what they genuinely think matters to them. That can be:
- Work
- Studying
- Working out
- Cleaning the garage
- Running errands
- Seeing friends
- Going to that bar
- Drinking
- Sleeping
- Going fishing
- Getting that hair cut
- Buying some new clothes
I could go on, but ultimately, it’s anything that doesn’t involve you at all.
Of course, that leaves you feeling unimportant.
#6 You’re too needy for them
Any time you do want to spend time with them, chat with them, ask them for help or support, or simply have conversation and share a meal, in their eyes, you’re too needy.
Why do you always do this?
Can’t you possibly eat without me?
Why do you need to spend time with me tonight?
Is it not possible for you to be alone for longer than five minutes?
You’ll say sorry, and will wonder what it is about you that needs them so much. In truth, there’s nothing wrong. You want to share your time with the person you love.
And they will do everything to show you that this feeling is not mutual.
#7 They don’t actually know what love is
And that might surprise you, because they say it a lot. Well, saying it and showing it are two different things.
If you’re involved with somebody who lowers the standards of love so much just by not keeping to their word, or proving through action (or inaction) that they don’t love you, you have to assume correctly that it’s because they don’t even know how to.
You can hope for it all you want, but in truth, you’re with somebody who is so mentally unstable that they have perfected pretending to love you down to a tee.
That’s why it can be so confusing when any narcissist promises you the stars, and gives you nothing but grief.
#8 Material things will always trump you
A new phone, a new car, a new house, a new laptop; whatever the material item is, it will always be better and more impressive than you.
The narcissist treats these kinds of things like shiny new toys, but you are not shiny, and you are not new, and you answer back and have opinions.
That’s why the narcissist ultimately ends up not loving you in the same way they love these items.
I know that’s quite cutting to just come out and say, but I don’t believe in holding back in the truth where you need to know it.
#9 Too much pride
Pride comes from caring too much about themselves, and nowhere near enough about anybody else.
Pride comes from wanting to look and be the best, and your emotions will lonely slow them down and soften them up.
They’re too proud to love you. Love is weak and flimsy, and they are strong and unbreakable.
So they say, anyway…
#10 Weakness is imperfection
If you were ever in any doubt to what weakness looks and feels like from a narcissist’s perspective it is this:
- Imperfection
- Damage to image
- Mistaken for being a pushover
That’s why you will rarely see or find them looking like they’re melting into the idea of loving you. That won’t stop them from saying the words I love you, but it will stop them from showing or expressing it.
They don’t know how to, because they don’t actually love you.
If you really want to be loved by somebody, then at least find a person who doesn’t see it as an imperfection.
I find it completely alarming that anybody can view such a beautiful thing with such poisonous, paranoid views, but we are talking about narcissists, here.
Of course, this is how they all think.
