I love honesty.
Yes, me too. I’ll always be honest with you.
You think that’s where it would stop, right? The unwritten rule for basic human decency is honesty.
When a lie is exposed, most people have the conscience to admit they lied and try to make it better.
Narcissists? They live on another planet entirely. Their lies always have the risk of being exposed, but some they will never admit to.
Why? And exactly what are those lies?
Honesty: What You Deserve and They Can’t Give
Not a week in my professional career goes by where I’m not reassuring somebody in a session this:
The narcissist is incapable of giving you what they want, so they resort to lies.
Lies are always what you want to hear, but never work out in your best interests. When you know a narcissist is lying, you think that’d be enough for them to admit they’ve said or done something wrong.
Do they?
Absolutely not.
You deserve better, but you’re never going to get what you want from them.
The reason you deserve better is because you’re a good person. You go into whatever ‘ship’ it is with the narcissist wanting an open book between the two of you.
So why isn’t that possible?
Because honesty isn’t in the interest of the narcissist if all they do is manipulate and control you.
They won’t admit to this – so they lie.
Loving the Person You Want Them to Be
The most painful part of any narcissistic relationship is waiting for them to change. You see the person they could be, but in reality, you’re loving a fictional character.
Narcissists lie, and that will never change.
Denial! 10 Lies Narcissists Will Never Admit
#1 “Me? I’d Never Lie To You!”
What is this trickery?!
This phrase is proof that you can say whatever you want, but the proof is in your actions.
Narcissists lie all the time. It’s a fact. Nothing will change it, nothing will prove it wrong. The narcissist? Come on! They’re going to challenge your accusation.
I don’t lie!
I love you too much to be dishonest!
We all know how untrue that is – so why even bother trying to convince us!
#2 “Oh, My Ex Was Obsessed With Me…”
Way to make yourself appear more lovable to people while simultaneously looking arrogant.
The narcissist will want you to think they are God’s gift to all, but in reality, there was no obsession. The only obsession was the narcissist trying their best to maintain that relationship for as long as possible.
Until the ex had enough!
#3 “I’m Too Busy”
Narcissists are never too busy to do things that are important. They might like to think they are, because they want everybody else to think how lucky they are when time is given.
In truth, narcissists are busy doing nothing because they can’t stand ‘standing still.’ Being so still gives just enough time for them to start hating themselves – and that simply won’t do.
#4 “I Was With a Friend”
So, the late night and the secretary surrounding where you were has nothing to do with the entitled smirk on your face?
Narcissists describing somebody they were with as ‘a friend’ is already a huge red flag, but it is also a poor attempt to cover the truth.
They will never admit who they were with, so they think they can pacify you with something so generic and bland as ‘being with a friend.’
Don’t buy it.
#5 “You and I Have So Much in Common”
There’s no surer way for a narcissist to pseudo-connect with you than to tell you that the both of you have so much in common.
I can’t believe I met somebody just like me.
I am so happy that we just get along so well.
You and I are like peas in a pod.
This feels like destiny.
I love how we get along.
It’s all designed to create a thick bubble of “us against the world” around the pair of you, when that isn’t the case at all.
You can have so much in common with a lot of people, but how the narcissist molds this kind of character synchronicity, well…
It’s nothing but an intense attempt to bond you with them, so the likelihood of leaving is pretty much zero.
#6 “I’m Just Messaging to Say I Love You”
The reality of “I love you” messages come from the idea that the narcissist is actually stopping by so you don’t forget about them. If you’re busy, you’re reminded that they are there.
This is offered as a display of love by the narcissist, but in reality, they’re just reasserting themselves in your life.
#7 “It’s So Unfair and Wrong to Cheat”
A narcissist knows this is a lie, but they have to come across as the “good guy” to you, so you learn to trust them.
Trusting them means you trust what they say and how they act to be noble and true.
And of course, what does that lead to?
It leads to the narcissist being able to get away with whatever they want.
#8 “That Person Means Nothing to Me. It’s You I Love”
So, you find out the narcissist has been carrying on in some way with another person. Either that, or they’ve been spending a lot of time with who you’ve come to know as “a friend.”
They will tell you whatever you need to know in order for that relationship to remain, as well as being able to stay with you, too.
This is how entitled narcissists are, and they honestly don’t think they
Re doing a thing wrong.
#9 “I Had Such a Toxic Ex”
We all know they didn’t. The only toxicity came from the narcissist themselves.
The hardest part is coming to terms with that, because this statement will invoke immediate sympathy for the narcissist.
Not only that, but it will awaken ways for you to be better than their imagined ex. You’ll do all you can to avoid conflict and toxicity without realizing that they are the common denominator in all their relationships.
The toxicity in their last relationship did not come from the ex—and in time, you will learn that.
#10 “I Used To Be a Bit of a Player. I’ve Changed Now”
Narcissists never stop playing! They want you to believe they’re a changed person now, and that ‘all of that is in the past.’
No! It’s not! It’s here, right now, today!
Telling you how much they still love to play, cheat and lie is hardly going to lure you into loving them – so they will make you look like the reason they’ve transformed for the better.
