Living with a narcissist isn’t nice. It never will be, and you will never feel or be happy under a roof with them.
I kind of think you might already know that though, but let’s get down to the real issues, here.
There are 10 things that really mean you’re living with a narcissist.
They may not be physical things, but they are very real. Knowing them will help you join those crucial dots together…
“… yes, I live with a narcissist, and this is how I know.”
#1 Your house is not your home
You want it to be, and I totally get that. Houses that you choose to live in should manifest into homes that you are proud to call yours.
Safe, loving, secure and a place you can rest your head at the end of each day.
Except, living with a narcissist never really allows any of that to become your reality, does it?
And you’re probably unaware of the extent of that, because you just get used to living this half life in a place you wish felt more like home, but it’s the truth.
Narcissism encroaches every aspect of life, and that includes the walls you live in. If you live with them, don’t expect anything more than just four walls.
#2 Their moods equal your eggshells
Do you ever notice that about narcissists? Their moods equal how the whole house feels.
Sometimes, it can be the most magical place, but those moments are few and far between.
What really happens is the mood is dictated by the narcissist, and most of the time those moods are going to be negative.
I hate to say it, but you will grow used to living life this way, too.
It doesn’t matter how many candles you light, or cushions you buy, or warming stews you have in the crockpot to fill the house with a homely scent.
A narcissist coming home in a mood will shatter all of that and make the atmosphere seem impossible to live in.
Enter: your eggshells that you have to walk on.
#3 Your stuff is their stuff
If you think your stuff is just for you when you live with a narcissist, you can think again. It’s not. Instead, it is all to be shared without question.
And don’t for one second think you will see any of it again, because if the narcissist takes a liking to something you own, they will take it for themselves.
I know that’s hard to hear, and in a way, we do share things with the people we live with.
But there are also things that are yours, and the narcissist’s lack of boundaries will wave away your right to own them fully once you start co-habiting.
#4 You have no privacy
Don’t expect to sit down with your phone and not have the narcissist’s face peering over your shoulder to see what you’re looking at or who you’re texting.
Don’t think for one minute that you can have a bath in peace without the narcissist ‘needing something’ from the bathroom.
Don’t imagine that you will be able to have a friend over for a coffee without the narcissist loitering around trying to listen to your conversation instead of giving you space to be with them.
These small things will be noticeable, and they will matter the moments you really feel as though you’re being suffocated by their dominance.
#5 You see the real them
And that’s not going to be a good thing, either. You see, narcissists will present themselves however they want, to whomever they want, at precisely the right time.
That is literally the definition of an abuser; a person who is in control of the kinds of behaviors they project in order to create certain behaviors or emotions returned.
Living with a narcissist means you really get to see the worst of them, and that’s a side they are never going to show the world.
It really isn’t a pleasure to witness their moods, tantrums, gaslighting and controlling side.
#6 People stop coming by to visit
I’m often asked that one question. “Why do people not come by and see me any more? I feel so alone.”
It’s because the narcissist, in some way, has put people off wanting to be around them.
That might be through having something about them that doesn’t make guests feel welcome, or pulling you away and isolating you so people stop thinking about calling by.
However you want to paint it, you feel alone, and that’s because you are alone. You can expect more and more of that the longer you stay with them, too.
Nothing is going to change, and they won’t suddenly become more fun to be around over time.
#7 You see their emotional switch
You wish others could see the switch you see, because it happens in the blink of an eye. Again, this is controlled behavior.
Imagine if the narcissist acted this way in public, so everybody could see just how dysregulated they really are? It would never happen.
And so it’s all saved up for you, and you get to see the real them behind the pretence.
That switch leaves you feeling as though you never really know what will happen next, and even the most basic of conversations you start are feared to blow up into something chaotic because you worry how the narcissist will react.
#8 You dread them coming home
All day you can sit in your own peace, but there comes a certain time you start to watch that clock more because you know you’re edging nearer and nearer to the narcissist’s home time.
The smile on your face fades as you whisper goodbye to the positive day you’d had while being alone, and you begin to try to look busy so they don’t think you’ve been lazy all day.
You wonder about moods. Will they come home happy, or sad? You try to predict, but you never really get it right, leaving you with more and more anxiety.
This is the sad reality for victims of narcissistic abuse, and how living with them becomes overwhelming to the nervous system.
#9 The security cameras are real
Your life no longer feels like something you’re in control of as the narcissist quips, “I saw you at lunch eating the last bagel!”
Suddenly, your privacy goes right out the window. What else do they watch you do?
#10 They control everything
The narcissist’s rules are what controls the house, and you just live in it.
You wonder if there’s some kind of catch you missed out on understanding when you both agreed to live together, but there is none.
This is just how narcissists operate. From how they treat you, to how they want the house to look, to what tradesmen they allow to come in and make repairs.
The say isn’t yours, and it never will be.
That’s exactly why your house never feels like home.
