I wish there was just one everyday thing narcissists used to abuse you. In fact, you know what? If I could make a wish, I’d wish for no things, and no narcissists.
As it stands, there are 10, and listing them made me feel angry for all the victims out there who have to tolerate the erosion of who they are because of these people.
Don’t just think abuse starts and stops with treating you like s**t to your face. This is way more complicated, intrusive and covert than that.
#1 Your finances
We can’t go far without mentioning the finances, can we? Remember, this involves all aspects of your finances. It isn’t just the big or the little things, it’s all things.
From the credit card they want to just borrow that you never get back and never pay off, to moving in with you and contributing to no bills or food.
The abuse will be there, and it will become your problem the moment you try to raise the topic.
As a people-pleaser, you’ll probably want to just let them get away with it to keep the peace, but this is the biggest mistake.
You will only end up teaching them that there are rewards for their bad behavior.
#2 Your car
Can I take the car to work today?
Can I use the car for a trip this weekend?
You don’t mind if I use the car tomorrow, do you?
I mean, it usually shouldn’t be a problem if you’re going to contribute to the brake lights, furl costs and insurance, but seeing as narcissists don’t offer a dime, I don’t think it’s fair for them to use it without limits.
Your car costs a lot of money, and it takes a huge chunk of your salary to keep it running efficiently.
#3 Your patience
Survivors and victims of narcissistic abuse are the most patient people on the planet. They have to be in order to tolerate the sheer toxicity of their abuser.
Who would have thought your very patience would be used against you?
It is, and it is truly shocking how they do it.
Imagine being pushed and pushed to the edge of your tolerance level, and then pushed some more. The narcissist is testing you in real time to see what they can get away with.
What they’re waiting for is the very moment you do snap, and that’s usually a long time after non-victims would snap.
That moment arrives, and you just let rip. You yell, and as quickly as you have released that built-up tension, you immediately regret it.
I’m sorry.
It’s just gotten too much for me.
I didn’t mean to yell.
You’ve done nothing wrong.
You don’t deserve to be spoken to that way.
I need to handle my emotions better.
You see how your comments have the effect they do on the narcissist? You blame yourself for the way they pushed you into the corner.
Being unable to take any more, you understandably boiled over.
#4 Your reality
You can kiss goodbye to your reality, because a narcissist will steal it from you from the moment you meet them.
You won’t know it of course, but when you are gaslighted, your reality, thoughts, opinions, experiences and memories are being substituted by what the narcissist wants you to believe, think and remember.
Why?
So they can control the narrative all the time, even in the most basic, everyday ways.
#5 Your joy
Your joy is one of the main reasons the narcissist was attracted to you in the first place. They saw how well you shined and said to themselves, “I don’t think so.”
Ripping it from you slowly day by day is how they turn you from light to dark, and then you are left wondering what happened to you.
Where did I go?
Why don’t I feel like myself any more?
I don’t recognize who I am in the mirror.
Your joy to do the things you used to love has gone, and yet all you seem to think about is how to keep pleasing the narcissist more and more.
#6 Your pets
There will be conflict when it comes to your pets, especially if the narcissist sees your cat, dog or lizard as your best friend.
Pets make great companions, and when you’re feeling low, there’s nothing like a snuggle up with your furry friend. Can you believe the narcissist feels threatened by that?!
As a result, they will either be unkind to the animal and snap at it for even being in the way, or they will fight you for their love as though it is some kind of competition.
#7 Your hobbies
Your hobbies are what makes you you, so if the narcissist is trying to make you break up with your favorite pastimes, that is a worrying sign of abuse.
They will do anything, from accidentally spilling their drink on your painting,’ to, leaving your yoga mat out in the rain to collect mildew.
I had no idea it was there.
I thought you brought it in.
I didn’t know your painting was there.
It was an accident.
My cup handle broke.
Excuses, excuses. They can also come as critical comments, telling you that you’re pathetic for liking what you like, or even babyish.
#8 Your sleep
We all need sleep, but narcissists are famous for keeping their victims awake, jolting their nervous system into overdrive right before it’s time to shut your eyes.
If you find yourself trying to plea your innocence, or begging for forgiveness, or even helping the narcissist look for something they claim to have lost right before bed, you are being abused without even realizing it.
When you are sleepy, you are much more prone to being confused, foggy and emotionally reactive.
What does the narcissist love?
All of those things!
#9 Your confidence
You can forget about your confidence if you are going to enter into a relationship with a narcissist.
They don’t care about stripping you of all the good ways you feel about yourself and the world around you.
Your confidence is what helps you grow and learn, and without it, you remain the same. Stuck and unable to progress.
This is the version of yourself the narcissist truly loves, as it’s the easiest version to be able to manipulate.
#10 Your compassion
Narcissists don’t have a shred of compassion in their tiny little feeble minds. They see you being kind to the people you know and love, and even strangers in the street.
You impress people without even trying to, or wanting to, because you are a naturally good person.
The narcissist could scowl for a week at you for this innate part of your personality, and so they abuse it by continuing to take and take from you without giving a single thing back.
This is how you end up feeling completely drained of all life, while they sit atop their egotistical throne with that great big smirk on their face.
Infuriating?
You could say so! But this is who they are, and who they will always be.
