Do as I say, not as I do.
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Narcissists want you to follow orders, not behavior, that’s why they are so contradictory.
Their double standards are laughable, but when you’re stuck dealing with one, they can be difficult to deal with.
So what kinds of double standards am I talking about? Well, I have 10 that all narcissists have, and the moment you read them all will be the moment you are able to spot a narcissist a mile away.
#1 You are forced to be honest, while they lie daily
Narcissists everywhere demand their victims to always be honest, no matter what.
They expect full transparency, without any secrets being kept inside. They don’t want you even thinking about stretching a truth, or making your lie appear to be reality.
In return?
They shift their stories, and change details about where they’ve been, or who they’ve been with. They blur facts because they can, and that’s what they live by.
If you were to question them, they would accuse you of not trusting them, and you’ll be punished either by rage, silence or revenge.
One rule for them, another for you.
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#2 Their boundaries are immovable, but yours are worthless
Narcissists are quick to set their limits. What they are willing to tolerate should not be challenged by you.
Don’t cross them, don’t question why they think what they think, and definitely don’t assume they will shift their boundaries for you.
But wait… you go to set a boundary, and it’s game over. You are labelled difficult, dramatic, cold, or selfish.
The law is the narcissist’s comfort, but yours is up for debate and negotiation.
Or even worse – ignored entirely.
HOw does that make you feel, knowing that you are treated this way?
Not great, I bet.
#3 They can talk about exes, you are forbidden
Oh yeah, my ex used to…
When I was with my ex…
One time, my ex and I…
Here we go again. The narcissist brings up their ex like it’s nothing, even to the point where they are comparing them with you.
But if you dare mention your ex? All hell would break loose! Could you imagine the damage to their ego when you raise up a memory between you and somebody you have a history with?
The jealous side of the narcissist would bubble over within seconds, and you would be accused of being disloyal.
History is allowed, but only when it suits them and feeds their ego.
#4 It’s okay for them to be late, but not you
The narcissist sees their time as truly valuable, but your time can be wasted and frittered away.
For them, that doesn’t matter.
Narcissists are nearly always late, something comes up, they forget. They are always busy living this life that they think is more important than everybody else’s.
They roll up and wonder what all the fuss is about when you mention how late they are, and that they didn’t even let you know.
They look at you with this disgust. Immediately, you’re labelled disrespectful for even approaching the notion.
You see, they want consideration, but they lack any of it themselves.
#5 They can criticize you, but you can’t do it back
When it comes to your flaws, the narcissist points them out like there’s no tomorrow.
You’re too this.
You’re not enough of that.
You are so…
You really annoy me when…
Why can’t you just…
You hear it, day after day. You tolerate it because you want to hear what’s wrong with you so you can fix it and be perfect for the narcissist. But the moment you offer any feedback?
You’re attacking the narcissist.
You are trying to start a fight.
You are imagining things.
You’re being cruel, ‘after everything they do for you.’
Sounds about right, doesn’t it? Growth requires reflection, and narcissists can’t do that even slightly.
#6 They flirt, but you are disrespectful
A narcissist thinks they are entitled to flirt with whomever they want. They see it as fair game, and innocent, even though it is pretty disrespectful and hurtful to the person they’re supposed to be with.
Oh, where’s your sense of humor?
It’s just harmless fun.You don’t have anything to worry about.
Well, that might be the case in their eyes, but that’s no excuse for them to carry on and do what they want, especially if it hurts you.
Then, you do the same. But to the narcissist, it’s the height of inappropriateness. You are disloyal, and you embarrass their status and reputation.
Same behavior, different attitudes. And that’s narcissists toa tee. They can do it, but you can’t.
#7 They want and demand privacy, but to them, you are hiding something
You will never be able to get hold of a narcissist’s phone; it will be totally off limits.
Conversations are none of your business, so don’t even try to listen in or ask to be a part of them. They want to protect their world, but the same cannot be said for you.
Why are you keeping secrets?
What’s so important that I can’t know about it?
What are you up to?
Privacy is like a right to them, but for you, it’s their red flag they get to wave around.
#8 You have to stay calm, but they can rage
Oh grow up and act mature.
Have you seen yourself?
It’s not okay for you to blow up and release pent up frustration, but it’s okay for them to shout out all the injustices they feel.
There’s always an excuse. A bad day a work, traffic was terrible, their car is playing up, they
Re tired, they feel under the weather.
But the emotion police enter the building when your temper is frayed, and they monitor you like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.
Their moods should never be justified.
#9 You aren’t allowed validation, but they obsess over it
When your achievements are downplayed and the narcissist’s are celebrated endlessly, there’s a huge problem somewhere.
They crave praise, because they can’t survive without it. But your feelings? What you need? That’s ignored, and you are treated as nothing but a burden.
I don’t think that’s a fair life to live, but it is typical of narcissists everywhere to throw this kind of double standard into every relationship that they have.
Never let yourself be labelled as needy – this is nothing but narcissistic projection.
#10 Your feelings are nothing, but theirs are everything
If the narcissist is hurt, you have to stop everything to listen to them, support them and be there for them.
Their feelings not only dominate the moment, but they also dominate your mood, too. It can drain you, I truly get it. I’ve been there and experienced it for myself, but here’s the catch.
Your feelings don’t matter. They don’t have time to listen to you moan or complain. When you do, they roll their eyes and sigh, like you’re just boring.
This level of emotional inequality also refers to a high level of double standards, and one that you will notice as soon as the mask slips on the narcissist you know.
