Before you roll out the red carpet and sashay your way into a new chapter – stop.

Roll it back up.

I can guarantee you haven’t been informed of the 10 dangerous mistakes people make when they leave a narcissist.

How you leave them is as important as leaving them.

As you read on, you’ll get a good idea of those mistakes, and how you should only make them one.

Congratulations!

You left the narcissist!

How wonderful it must feel to be this free! The shackles are off, and you are no longer under their spell of misery and control.

The air is thick with toxicity no more, and the future looks bright.

You can’t wait for what’s to come next, and you’re beginning to truly feel as though you deserve some long awaited happiness.

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How Long Will It Feel Good?

Well, that all depends on what comes next.

You see, innocent enough as it may be, it is possible to make terrible mistakes when you part ways with a narcissist.

To you, it may just be that you want a fresh start, but if you slip up, things can get pretty disastrous.

Don’t Expect a Rosy Future Just Yet…

Rosy futures are only possible when you firmly mark out your boundaries and refuse to engage with any game-playing the narcissist may still have for you. 

When you’re handed these 10 mistakes, you know the narcissist isn’t done with you just yet. 

#1 Oversharing With The Wrong People 

If you disclose certain information to the wrong people – you’d better prepare to take over.

Narcissists will catch wind of what you say about them if you speak it all to those you can’t trust.

Narcissists ensure they have connections everywhere for this very reason – you must be careful when picking out your circle of trust.

All it takes is one person to feedback to the narcissist that you’re gossiping about them or accusing them, and they will fight back with the toxic strength of ten bears. 

#2 Paying Attention To Smear Campaigns

Common in breakups with narcissists, smear campaigns are sadly unavoidable. They will talk badly about you to a certain amount of people. 

I always give the following advice when it comes to smear campaigns:

1. You have to decide if the people the narcissist is turning against you are more important than your own mental, physical and emotional health. Living to protest your innocence will only make you look more guilty, and drain your energy all the way to empty.

2. Don’t try and prove to anybody with your words. People will hear you and they will think it’s your word against the narcissist’s. While this may be the case, you know the truth. Here is where you prove your innocence by your actions. Continue to be good. Continue to live your life. Be authentic and kind, and succeed. Smear campaigns cannot be sustained if you are contradicting everything the narcissist is spreading about you if your actions are good.

3. If you lose people along the way, you have to accept it. It proves they are easily led, and that they never really credited you as much as you thought in the first place. 

Smear campaigns are painful. They do not have to be the thing that holds you back from moving on. 

#3 Answering Their Calls

If it rings, let it.

Do not answer a single call once you have broken up.

LEaving them means leaving them.

And yes, they will want to tell you that you left your REM T-Shirt at their flat. 

You love that shirt. Don’t you want to come and collect it? I can drop it off at your place?

No! Sacrifice it if it means you get to keep your dignity and boundaries intact!

Plus – you can always buy another shirt…

#4 Giving Them New Information

Oh, I don’t work at the office anymore. I got a job across town on nineteenth and second. 

What did you just do?!

Now they know your new coordinates, and they will utilize those to the max. 

There’s nothing you can do now. It’s too late. 

But if I have caught you in time, any new information you get from your new life without them…

Do. Not. Share. Any. Of. It. 

#5 Hanging Out At Your Old Haunts

Don’t go to the bar you met.

Don’t sit at the movies you used to go to every Saturday.

Find a new Trader Joe’s. 

I don’t care what you do, sticking around the same old haunts you used to will only end in disaster for you when they inevitably show up and want to worm their way back in.

#6 Telling Them You Will Always Love Them

If you give them this piece of information, they will use it as a magnet to draw you back.

Knowing you’re still emotionally attached gives the narcissist permission to control you still. And if you love them, that control will be all the easier to gain. 

It’s time to be tough with yourself.

Love in silence, but move on loudly. 

#7 Inviting Them For A Sympathy Drink

No! Things ended between you! Nobody needs to drink together ever again.

Think about everything you went through with them. To hell and back a thousand times.

Is that large rioja worth it?

Plus – never feel sorry for them. They will try to extract it from you, but there’s no reason you need to feel bad.

Move on. They created this all by themselves. 

#8 Waiting Until You’ve Split To Get Your Stuff

If you’re planning on leaving the narcissist, you need to ensure you have all your stuff before you drop the ball.

Don’t wait until the 59th minute to grab everything you cherish in their current possession, because you’ll unlikely get any of it back.

If you don’t, it will all be used against you (and yes, I am talking about that REM shirt again!)

#9 Leaving Documents or ID In Their Possession

This is a serious one that I need you to adhere to.

Do not leave any important ID or documents to the narcissist’s hands. 

They can, and they will keep them. They will ask you to prove that they have them, and you will of course be unable to do so. 

These are documents you will need, especially if you need to set up a new bank account, or register with a new landlord… or worse… flee.

Hold them all dear to you at all times. 

#10 Not Exiting Contracts With Them First

Sign out of what you can (if possible, don’t sign in with them at all). 

If you are still locked into something, this may be a case of the narcissist trying to fool you into thinking you owe money somewhere, or need to pay off a bill.

Avoid this altogether by separating your finances before you separate yourselves. 

5 Fears Narcissists Hide From You

Before we get started, I want you to know that narcissists don’t walk around openly fearing everything.

If they did – they wouldn’t be able to live with themselves.

A big ‘however’ coming up…

However…

Narcissists still fear. They fear, and they loathe, and they hide it all.

Why do they hide it all, Alexander?

Okay. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about narcissists, it’s that they have to hide what they cannot allow anybody to see.

Let me explain a little more deeply…

Narcissists on the Outside

There is a huge bubble of ego around the outside of the narcissist. This ego appears unbreakable but weaker than it looks by far. 

Once you get past that bubble, you’ll see a person living in constant fear. Hard to believe when they’re so tough and full of bravado on the outside, I know.

The trouble is, they’re even more terrified than you could ever imagine, and it’s all because they can’t stand showing it to the world.

They don’t want to, and they won’t. 

As Fragile as Can Be

The fragility of a narcissist is never up for debate. It’s there, and it holds onto their fears far more than you’d imagine.

Narcissists feel shame surrounding their fears, which to me just seems incomprehensible. It’s human nature to be scared sometimes, or to fear something huge happening in your life.

People can be known to sidestep something, just so they don’t have to face their fears.

Narcissists won’t admit what they fear secretly, so you never know when they’re doing that sidestepping. 

Why Hide?

Well, simply put, it’s better to hide and pretend to be strong than to expose and reveal weakness. 

The narcissist lives by their sword, and will die by their sword. Expect nothing else. 

The Fears of the Narcissist – 5 Fears They Hide From You

Buckle up – because these fears are all designed to expose the narcissist’s real character.

#1 Failure

Narcissists hate failure. They hate failing, and they hate you failing.

Failing to please them.

Failing to give them any attention.

Failing an exam.

They will remind you of your failures for a long time because they love you to know that you can’t do it all and aren’t perfect like them. 

When a narcissist fails – it’s the end of the world. You know, sometimes they do. They don’t get the job they wanted, or they don’t pass that test. 

They will act like it doesn’t matter, or that it was the fault of the person interviewing or testing them, but in reality, they’re terrified.

They fear why they lost, and the idea that they didn’t do or say something right in order to get over that line of success.

They fear it so badly because they fear not appearing or being good enough. It’s why they constantly overcompensate by always trying to be the best of the best.

If everybody sees that version of them, nobody would be able to get close to those inner fears, right?

#2 Being Outed as a Narcissist

Being outed as a narcissist is a huge fear for them. 

I want to start by saying that there will always be a way out for them. If they’re accused of the very thing they are, they will blame you, smear your name to others; punish you in as many ways as possible. 

Denial is their middle name.

However…

…Everything changes for the narcissist as soon as you figure out the person they truly are. When you uncover their moods and begin to stand up to their unforgiving behavior, you are letting them know one thing:

You know. And nothing is going to be the same from now on.

What does that look like to the narcissist?

Well, nothing being the same means the narcissist can no longer manipulate you.

They were used to pushing and pulling you like the tide. Their control over you became something you begrudged them over time, but it was something you learned to silently accept. 

I’ve lost count of the amount of people who have told me that as soon as they outed the narcissist in their life, nothing was the same again.

The narcissist fears this. They have a unique system, and the supply they need from others is drawn from certain people at certain times. It’s how they function, and they get used to that. 

Their fear is having all of that stripped from them. They fear that dynamics will shift because they don’t know where or how they’ll be able to replace it.

#3 Rejection

Narcissists live the kind of life that you would assume has zero room for fear. They exude confidence (too much most of the time).

They love to show off and brag about what they have, where they’re going on vacation, how much this or that cost…

Narcissists love to be accepted. They want to feel part of something so that eventually, they can dominate. If they can get a foot in the door, the rest is history.

Rejection does happen to narcissists. When it does, you see a side of them that you never thought you’d see. They can cover up their fear with anger, or rage, or even laugh it off like it means nothing.

Only you, the narcissist expert, can tell something has annoyed them. 

The fear of rejection comes from the innate entitlement that they must have everything.

They have to succeed, they have to be loved and admired by everybody, and nobody can let them down or reject them.

If they do, it will only fuel their inner fires of insecurity—and believe me, that fire is huge. 

#4 Losing

If a narcissist loses, you will see a spoiled child appear before you. They can throw tantrums, they can go off sulking, they can ignore you. 

When they do, it isn’t because they are simply’ a little immature.’ It’s so much more.

This is about their perfect image being shattered, especially in front of others. They may be getting laughed at or mocked when usually they do it to everybody else. 

When the shoe is on the other foot, they fear that the perfection they portray will be seen as nothing but an illusion. 

#5 You Leaving

If you leave, what does that tell the narcissist?

It tells you that you’re strong enough to walk away. It gives the message that you refuse to be caught up in this cycle of abuse a moment longer. It also tells them that you don’t want to be with them.

And that?

Well, that is seen as a huge worry for them. They almost fear your lack of supply as much as you being okay without them. If the one person who said they loved them doesn’t need them, then what hope is there?

Of course, they will never tell you they fear you leaving. The bravado will paint quite the opposite picture.

But when you do … you’ll know about it. 

What Eventually Happens To Narcissists?

How Does it End For Narcissists?

Narcissists are like a really painful, long book that you have to read to understand. They don’t come with an index or bullet points. If they did, half their toxicity would fall through the cracks.

Sadly, people like you or I must experience them fully before we know each trick.

If I can offer you one fragment of light at the end of this treacherous tunnel – it’s this:

What happens to narcissists is an ending that you’re going to want to hang on for.

Let’s get into it.

“Look At Them!”

It’s enough to make you sick, isn’t it?

They live their merry little lives, seemingly getting away with anything and everything, making you want to scream from the rooftops.

Yes – it’s unfair. 

You wish they would just crumble and fall down, so you could finally see them suffer as much as they made you suffer. 

You want what happens to them to be detrimental to everything they pretend to be. 

Does The Tide Ever Turn?

What do you think? I mean, I want to be able to tell you that they do indeed turn honestly.

I also know and appreciate how it really doesn’t feel that way at the time. Constantly waiting for them to taste their own medicine can feel like waiting for rain in a drought.

But I am here to say that, yes, eventually, that rain will come.

And it will feel amazing.

The Beauty of Karma

I don’t like to meddle with Karma. Instead, I trust that everything will work exactly how it should.

Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. The circle of life appreciates both good and bad happenings, and I am certain that includes narcissists and how they treat others. 

Karma doesn’t need you stepping in and taking over, so if you ever try to gain justice from a situation involving a narcissist, you’re likely to lose. 

Rather than that – it’s nothing but a waiting game. 

But a game you’ll definitely not want to quit.

How Does It End For Them?

No narcissist has a really happy ending. 

Ultimately, they go home alone every day, even if they go home to somebody. 

Narcissists always want to be part of something, yet never feel part of anything. It’s all empty. It’s all meaningless. They don’t have layers to them or an ounce of appreciation for their family or friends. 

That alone should tell you how it ends for every narcissist. 

They’re nothing but lonely people craving some kind of something. 

That is something they never end up getting.

#1 The Slipping of the Mask

You may have to wait a while, but the mask of a narcissist will always, I repeat, always slip off.

I know you think it can’t happen soon enough, and many of you will be screaming for it to be today—but it doesn’t work that way.

In fact, the more you try to rush the mask’s slipping, the crazier you will look.

If you want to allow their true selves to unfold naturally, you’ll have to wait for the day.

#2 Inability to Keep Up With Their Lies

We all know that lying can lead to serious trouble. Not only do you have to remember this, but you may also have to build potential lies around it so they make sense. 

Narcissists are great at lying, but they can do it so frequently that they fail to recall them all.

When you see a narcissist caught in a lie trap, they will fluff and fumble their way out as best they can with the charm they were born with. 

I want to remind you, though – the lies do catch up with them eventually.

Lies catch up with everybody. 

#3 One Small Mistake

This is all it takes, believe me. One tiny little slip up to get people talking is all it takes. 

I once knew a narcissist professionally who never took any accountability for his mistakes.

He used to cover up all his mistakes, blaming others or deleting evidence that he was responsible. 

One day, he was caught in the act. He had no defense, and even though he got really angry and tried to blame somebody else, it was clear he was to blame. 

His mistake was leaving his work pass in the room where he shredded all the information he wanted to discard. 

It’s all it took for the dominos to all fall down, and for the past to come together like a jigsaw puzzle. People saw what he was like, and nobody trusted him again. 

#4 Time Will Tell

You’re all familiar with the saying, ‘Time will heal.’ It helps if you are going through hard times or have lost somebody close to you. 

Time also heals your own heart as it allows narcissists to be revealed for who they really are.

As much as it will cause chaos, it will be healing to be validated by the entire event. 

It’s how so many victims breathe a sigh of relief and say, “Thank goodness everybody can now see them for who they truly are.”

Time will give you that. You just have to wait for it. 

#5 They Won’t Hesitate To Move!

Narcissists are renowned for moving. 

To start again, if things get too heated where they live,

Looking for work in a new city or town for a ‘fresh start.’

Usually, when they run everybody else down or play them all in their games, they run out of people.

They run out of supply.

So what do they do?

They run away.

It won’t end there, though. Moving anywhere new only restarts the whole process.

Narcissists, for that reason, never really admit to having somewhere to call home.

#6 New Friends

Of course, moving anywhere means starting up a new friendship circle. People will mingle and meet with everybody, as all new people are considered to be fresh pawns in their game. 

Friends end up being enemies before long…

In The End

You can wait and wait, but eventually, the narcissist will get their comeuppance.

In one way or another, whether being found out, having their mask slip, or having to keep bouncing from town to city to stay relevant or liked.

Please allow that to be the justice you need, because it is.

Narcissists will always be miserable. They hate being stuck or figured out, so they must constantly work out their plan to keep their true selves a secret.

Isn’t that the end you want to hear about?

I know it is for me.