Q: Who is his best friend? My Narcissistic ex has a friend that I talk with occasionally because his wife abandoned him and they went through a tough time and ugly divorce. She left him with financial problems and had multiple affairs and they got in a verbal argument that ended up getting him thrown into jail for domestic violence. My husband “rescued”a stripper from her pimp and housed her for 5 months and got us into a financial mess to say the least.
He lived a double life and slept with both of us. His best friend recommends that we get divorced. That I am looking for someone in my husband that is not there. He spent 2+ years of his life trying to understand why his ex wife left the way she did and she kept contacting him till she had a baby and got remarried. I just don’t understand why he still hangs out with my husband and is friends with him.
Wouldn’t someone who went through the same pain understand he is a pathological liar and take a stand? He just takes my husband out on weekends and helps him find new hook-ups instead! Yuck! I hate myself for compromising who I am and was before to love and be in a relationship with my crazy making narcissistic husband! Ugh!!!
A: His best friend is getting Something out of the relationship. He could be living vicariously through your husband, he could be trying to win him over as he could not win over his ex-wife; he could be trying to work things out in his own mind by trying to understand narcissists; he could be one of the dependent type personalities that are drawn to narcissists as is evidenced by whom he chose as a friend and mate. He could be an “inverted narcissist”. I question why you continue to be preoccupied with his best friend’s actions instead of focusing on your own relationship with a narcissist. I hope you are able to get back in touch with the self you left behind and stop compromising yourself; you deserve better. I hope you can find the strength to leave your toxic marital relationship or get help learning to cope with narcissism if you choose to stay.