The Narcissist: He is Making Me Crazy!

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One Woman’s Story of ‘Narcissistic Crazy-making’

My partner is a narcissist and he is driving me crazy. He does this with such panache and ease that I almost admire his ability to do so. He will go from the nicest, most charming Dr. Jekyl (in public) to the dark, twisted Mr. Hyde (in private) in the blink of an eye. Prince Charming transforms into the Prince of Darkness right before my eyes.

When we first met, I thought I had found Mr. Perfect, Mr. Right. He seemed to be too good to be true. He was handsome, charming and he knew all the right people and all the right places to be. He worshipped me and put me on a pedestal- according to him, I was perfect and could do no wrong. We were both in seventh heaven and madly in love. Or so he said and so I thought.

Now he criticizes me all the time- what I wear, how I look, my opinions, even my cooking (which he previously said was so good it was beyond comparison). When I have a bad day, or more importantly, a significant crisis- he isn’t there for me. He can only talk about himself day and night; instead of offering me support, he complained about how my crisis affected and interrupted his day.

He projects all his “bad” behavior on to me- blaming me for anything and everything that goes wrong or might go wrong. He accuses me of doing the very thing he is guilty of doing. He constantly accuses me of having an affair with male friends…yet he was the one who had an affair with a friend. Then he said it was my fault because I didn’t provide enough compliments; I didn’t stroke his ego enough. He is never sorry and he never apologizes. After all, I should apologize to him because whatever went wrong was my fault (yes, he actually said I should apologize to HIM when he had the affair!). He always acts as if he were the victim, not the perpetrator.

He mocks me and puts down everything about me- from the perfume that I wear to the music I listen to or to the friends I have. He makes fun of anything I believe in and any opinion that I express. Not only am I no longer “perfect”, but I can never do anything right; nothing is ever up to his standards. It seems the more I get emotionally upset, the colder and icier he gets. He keeps his composure while I lose mine.

Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind as well. Lately, he has started to literally drive me crazy to the point where I am not sure about myself anymore. He will say something or do something and then completely deny he ever said it or did it. He says I imagined it or that it never happened and that I am just crazy. I am beginning to think I am crazy as I am starting to believe what he says.

When I know I am right and state that I am certain of what he said or did, he storms out of the room in a verbally abusive rage and then completely refuses to talk to me or acknowledge me. He totally ignores me for days and sometimes weeks. He will act as if I were invisible and meaningless. It is worse than living with a three year old who tantrums and then sticks their fingers in their ears so they can’t hear you. His iciness literally freezes you out.

When he is not ignoring me, he demands my full attention. If I have an important deadline or pressing appointment, he will do something to sabotage it and make me late or not go at all.

Sometimes I feel like I am the enemy and that it is not a relationship between us- it’s a war. And there can only be one winner (him) and one loser (me). When the constant criticism, insults and demands become too abusive, I pack up and leave. He cries and says he will change. He calls and texts and emails me, showering me with the charm and attention he showed me in the beginning of our relationship. I am drawn to this man like a magnet and every time I go back. But he never changes. Oh, for a few days everything is wonderful again but then the cycle starts again. Once more, the verbal abuse starts as does the manipulations, mind games, coldness and blaming. It is so exasperating and frustrating. How can he be so charming one moment yet so evil the next? It is driving me crazy.

I feel like he is a vampire and sucking the life out of me, taking my own self esteem and even my soul. He has tormented me so much that I feel like I am going crazy- I can’t make up my own mind about anything anymore. I can’t even decide which I want more… to kill him or to kill myself. (Just kidding…I think)

References:

http://www.breakingupwithyournarcissist.com/narcissists_drive_you_crazy.html

http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/five-traits-of-a-narcissistic-crazymaker/

www.lisaescott.com/2010/11/15/crazymaking-behavior-narcissist

About Alexander Burgemeester

2 Responses to “The Narcissist: He is Making Me Crazy!”

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  1. Cheryle says:

    Dear Crazy, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY AND HE IS THE ONE WHO IS SICK! LET ME SAY THIS AGAIN….. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY AND HE IS THE ONE WHO IS SICK! I don’t know where you are in your relationship today, I saw you posted this last year. But, let me tell you, I could have written the EXACT same thing last year. What I started to do was hide a recorder so I could play back the insidious remarks and accusations so I knew for SURE what was really said and what happened. I realizes , through much soul searching and a lot of reading on narcissistic personality disorder that it is him. I am not crazy much less anything else he says I am or to me. I too never had his help during Amy crisis. I went through so many surgeries with him making my life a living hell (it was always about how he was inconvenienced by my illness) that I literally would not have him even take me to the hospital or come there at all. Your story is mine TOO A T! I have left and been promised the moon too. I finally realized that I no longer care whether he leaves or stays. So I finally grew a HUGE SET OF FEMALE BALLS and I do and say EXACTLY WHAT I WANT NOW! The more I behave in a way that is for my best interest the less he acts like an ass! He will NEVER leave. So what do I care. I have told him before that I saw a lawyer and the next time I leave it is for good and by the time I am done with him I will have half of all his retirement plus he will be paying me every month for alimony and child support and he will be paying for this house while me and his three kids live here. And I mean every word of it. What’s more, he now knows it. Do yourself a favor, get some help, grow some balls and do not give a shit about him or what he says and does ever again! It is life transforming! I promise, email me so,e time, I’ll tell you more

  2. jjj1984 says:

    I whole heartedly agree with the previous comment.
    Rest assured that everyone who experiences narcissistic abuse goes through the same cycle of confusion. It’s a hallmark of the entire process. You have been with someone who constantly made you feel that you were to blame, denied truths and manipulated you to such a degree that you didn’t know what was right and what was wrong anymore.

    My heart goes out to you. Wishing for you to have the strength to leave his monster before he causes more damage.

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