10 Weird Things Narcissists Do Sexually

You’ve just had the best sex of your life when your partner pulls away, sidles over to the mirror, and starts admiring himself, saying how great he is in bed and how lucky you are to have experienced his prowess. 

His self-absorption leaves you feeling unimportant and objectified, as if your experience only served to stroke his ego, leaving your own needs and emotions overlooked.

If this scenario sounds familiar, you’ve been sleeping with a narcissist. While that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, the chances of it leading to a caring or loving relationship are slim. 

Narcissists have a different approach to sex than most people, often using it as a tool of manipulation rather than a form of intimacy, which can lead to them doing some strange things in the bedroom. 

10 Weird Things Narcissists Do Sexually

In this article, we’ll look at some of the peculiar tactics narcissists employ to fulfill their sexual desires and how they often leave their partners bewildered and disappointed.

10 Weird Things Narcissists Do Sexually

Narcissists don’t associate sex with love and intimacy but regard it solely in terms of their own gratification, power, and influence. 

They are thrill-seekers who happily engage in sexual relations with multiple partners, rarely stopping to consider how their behavior makes those partners feel.

These tendencies cause narcissists to behave strangely in the bedroom, often leaving their partners wondering what do narcissists want sexually?

In the context of that question, we’ll explore some of the weird things narcissists do sexually, the motivation behind those acts, and how they might make you feel.

#1 They are self-obsessed

The narcissist only thinks about one thing in the bedroom – their own satisfaction. They don’t care whether you’re having fun as long as they get their kicks. 

They-are-self-obsessed-3

Narcissists are often very specific about their sexual needs and desires and will expect you to fulfill those demands, whether you like it or not.

They might dominate the whole experience, dictating the pace, positions, and activities to maximize their own pleasure and satisfaction without bothering to consider yours. 

A narcissist’s self-obsession may go so far as to constantly check themselves out in the mirror, reveling in their own image rather than engaging with their partner.

They may even interrupt the experience to take selfies or record videos, eager to document their perceived allure and prowess.

For the narcissist, the bedroom is merely a stage for their grandiose self-display and their partner a supporting character in their self-absorbed narrative.

As a result, the encounter lacks genuine connection and mutual pleasure, leaving the partner feeling emotionally detached and unfulfilled.

#2 They use sex to manipulate

Narcissists wield sex as a tool of manipulation and control, leaving them trapped in a web of emotional turmoil. Attempts to set boundaries or reject their advances are met with intense reactions of disappointment, anger, and frustration. 

They use sex to manipulate

Moreover, if you dare to express any dissatisfaction with the sexual encounters, a narcissist will twist the narrative, making you believe that your own inadequacies are to blame.

They’ll devalue you with cutting remarks like, “If you were more adventurous in bed, we both might have more fun.”

Paradoxically, should you express a specific sexual desire to a narcissist, be prepared to face their wrath. They’ll use derogatory labels like “sexual deviant” or “slut” to belittle and shame you for your openness. 

The power play intensifies when a narcissist withholds sex, using it to coerce you into fulfilling their desires or achieving their goals. If you let this go on too long, you could end up with a narcissist and sexless marriage! 

On the flip side, they might dangle sex as a reward, an enticing carrot to reinforce behavior that pleases them.

The narcissist’s manipulative approach to sex erodes emotional intimacy and mutual respect within the relationship, replacing it with a toxic dynamic of control and exploitation.

#3 They gaslight their sexual partners 

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic narcissists use to make their partners doubt their perceptions, memories, and sanity.

In a sexual context, narcissists might gaslight their partner in various ways to maintain control and power. 

They gaslight their sexual partners 

For instance, the narcissist might suggest trying a new sexual activity their partner feels uncomfortable with.

However, when they express their concerns, the narcissist responds by gaslighting, saying, “Everyone does it. You’re just being too sensitive and overthinking things.”

The narcissist is gaslighting their partner into thinking that their feelings and boundaries are unreasonable and that their uncertainty is entirely the result of their shortcomings. 

Alternatively, they might coerce their partner into doing something they’re uncomfortable with and then claim it was their idea, making them out to be the perverted one. 

Gaslighting during sex can negatively impact the victim’s emotional well-being and self-esteem. It can cause them to second-guess themselves, feel inadequate, and erode their confidence. 

#4 They seek admiration

Imagine being in bed with a narcissistic partner who turns every private and intimate moment into a performance where their insatiable need for praise takes center stage.

They seek admiration

They repeatedly fish for compliments throughout the encounter, seeking validation and reassurance at every turn.

During a night of passion, a narcissist might draw attention to their every move, flaunting themselves and asking, “Isn’t my body just perfect?” or “Aren’t I the best you’ve ever had?” 

Every moan or whisper is another opportunity for them to prompt you for praise.

Far from being able to relax and enjoy yourself, you find yourself in a constant loop of reassuring and complimenting them, walking on eggshells to preserve their fragile self-esteem.

Eventually, the experience becomes less about mutual enjoyment and emotional connection and more about fulfilling the narcissist’s unquenchable thirst for adoration.

#5 They lack empathy

While we all have diverse sexual needs, desires, and quirks, if you’re involved with a narcissist, their preferences take precedence every time.

They lack empathy

If you desire something different or communicate discomfort with a particular act, the narcissist dismisses your feelings, saying, “I can’t believe you’re so frigid.”

Your feelings and satisfaction don’t matter, so the narcissist pushes you into acts that make you uncomfortable or even cause physical discomfort and distress. 

Any attempt to communicate your misgivings is met with disdain or outright denial. The narcissist seems entirely focused on their own pleasure and agenda, unwilling to acknowledge or respect your emotions or boundaries.

This complete lack of empathy leaves you feeling used, unseen, and emotionally abandoned, making the experience deeply unsatisfying and damaging to your emotional well-being.

#6 They use sex to assert dominance

Narcissists love to be in control and use sex to dominate, asserting control and power over their partner. 

They use sex to assert dominance

They will often dictate the terms of the sexual encounter and dismiss their partner’s needs and preferences. Some narcissists may even engage in degrading or humiliating behaviors to exert dominance. 

Take a look on Quora, and you’ll find some disturbing stories about the weird things narcissists have made their partners do in bed. 

Despite their desire for control and dominance, some of you might wonder, “Do narcissists like to be dominated in bed?” 

Strangely enough, some do, but they’ll never relinquish complete control. Even when they assume a subordinate role in the bedroom, they manipulate the situation to their advantage.

By allowing themselves to be dominated, narcissists can elicit sympathy and attention from their partner, reinforcing their self-importance and need for admiration.

Additionally, being dominated in the bedroom may provide a sense of validation for the narcissist.

It can feed into their grandiose self-image by making them believe that they are so desirable and alluring that their partner is willing to take charge and fulfill their desires.

#7 They objectify their partners 

One of the weird things female narcissists do sexually is objectify their partners. 

During intimate moments, a female narcissist focuses solely on her own pleasure and satisfaction, treating her partner as a mere object and valuing him only for how he makes her feel about herself.

They objectify their partners 

The female narcissist may flatter her partner, not out of genuine appreciation, but to inflate their ego by being associated with someone they deem physically desirable.

By controlling the sexual dynamic, she reinforces her power over her partner, making him feel like an object rather than an equal.

Her objectification may extend beyond the bedroom, with her flaunting him as if he were a trophy to showcase her ability to attract such a desirable partner.

This is what links narcissists and swinging. Narcissists might use the swinging lifestyle to display or show off their partners, presenting them as desirable trophies or status symbols that others may sample but that the narcissist “owns.”

#8 They ghost you after sex

After sex, narcissists won’t hang around to whisper sweet nothings in your ear or share a postcoital cuddle. They’re more likely to leave the room. 

They ghost you after sex

As couples’ therapist Brandon Santan, Ph.D. observes, “Ghosting after sex is a common behavior of sexual narcissists, since they’ve already gotten the validation they sought from the encounter.”

A narcissist may be flattering and charming before the act, but once they’ve got what they want, they revert to ignoring and neglecting their partners.

This often leaves the partner feeling used and objectified as if their connection meant nothing.

#9 They believe they’re entitled to sex 

Entitlement is a key trait of narcissism, and thinking they’re entitled to sex at all times is one of the weird things male narcissists do sexually. 

They believe they’re entitled to sex 

You may not be in the mood for a sexual encounter or feel you want to connect on a deeper emotional level before you become physically intimate.

If that’s not what the narcissist had in mind, however, you’ll be denying them something they believe they’re entitled to, which could cause an antagonistic response. 

Narcissists may feel entitled to having their sexual desires fulfilled without considering your emotional state or boundaries.

They may pressure or coerce you into having sex, leaving you feeling objectified and reduced to a means of fulfilling the narcissist’s desires.

#10 They have grandiose fantasies 

Sex with a narcissist will never live up to their dreams or expectations, largely because they engage in such grandiose sexual fantasies.

they are in grandiose fantasies

These grandiose sexual fantasies serve to boost the narcissist’s already inflated ego.

They reinforce their belief in their exceptionalism and uniqueness, providing a sense of superiority and power. 

In reality, however, these grandiose sexual fantasies might lead to disappointment when real-life experiences fail to match those extravagant fantasies.

Do Narcissists Have a High Sex Drive?

Narcissists tend to have a higher sex drive than other people, with studies indicating that “people high in narcissism tend to be positively oriented toward sex.”

While that means narcissists are more likely to engage in frequent sexual experiences, they don’t always find them satisfying. 

A more recent study found that narcissist men are “more prone to rapid ejaculation (presumably early in a sexual relationship) and to difficulty reaching ejaculation (presumably as relationship novelty wanes).”

What do Narcissists want Sexually?

Narcissists want to feel sexually satisfied and prioritize that above all else.

They also want to feel empowered and superior, so tend to seek out partners who will flatter them and constantly compliment them on their sexual abilities. 

What Turns On a Narcissist Sexually?

Narcissists have a greater interest in sex and yet a lower sexual satisfaction, which means “they are also more likely to prefer masturbation over partnered sex.”

So, do narcissists masturbate a lot? In a sense, even when they’re having sex with a partner, narcissists are really masturbating because they’re simply using that partner as a flesh and blood sex aide rather than seeing them as an individual with their own desires and needs. 

FAQ

Are Narcissists Rough in Bed?

People with narcissistic tendencies are predisposed to sexual aggression and abuse, so can be rough in bed.

They will disregard their partner’s needs and even manipulate them into performing sexual acts they don’t feel comfortable with to establish their power and dominance. 

What do Narcissists Fantasize About?

Narcissists fantasize about being seductive lovers, capable of captivating anyone with their charm and prowess.

In their mind’s eye, they see themselves surrounded by adoring partners, all vying for their attention and validation.

In these elaborate sexual fantasies, the narcissist is the ultimate object of desire, admired and worshipped by an ever-growing harem of partners.

Do Narcissists like Bondage for Control?

Although there’s little evidence to suggest that narcissists actively engage in bondage or sex that involves dominance, submission, and control, many narcissists will likely enjoy taking the dominant role in bed and take satisfaction from controlling a submissive partner. 

As I noted in my previous article on Narcissism and BDSM, narcissists’ “self-centeredness, belief in their own attractiveness, power, and in their own special superiority could make them dangerous participants in BDSM.” 

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