How Narcissistic Parents Impact Their Children

Researchers estimate that 1 % of the general population are narcissists. The number of narcissists who become parents is also extremely high.

Narcissistic parents look at their children as objects to control. They have little interest in nurturing them or tending to their needs. Instead, they look to children to validate their distorted sense of self.

Instead, they look to children to validate their distorted sense of self.

Signs of Narcissistic Parents

Narcissistic parents cause lasting damage to their children. Children of people suffering from classic Narcissistic Personality Disorder may exhibit certain symptoms. Symptoms range from anxiety, panic, and narcissism themselves.

These children are also likely to experience problems in adulthood. Their personal relationships may especially be impacted.

Below are five ways in which growing up with narcissistic parents affects children.

Low Self-Worth

A child in a narcissistic household learns many things quickly. For instance, a child learns that his or her self-worth depends upon the narcissistic parent’s reaction.

The child learns quickly that everything they do is a reflection of the parent. They adapt their behavior to please the parent, and they place their own needs last. Unfortunately, these parents are rarely satisfied. The child’s efforts to make them happy are constantly thwarted.

Children will react by feeling that they are unworthy. If their parent is acting irrational or demanding, children will believe they are at fault. Narcissists also feel unworthy, and they pass these feelings on to their offspring. They often use degrading terms like “stupid” and “worthless.” Narcissistic parents may blame their children for their own low self-esteem.

High Anxiety

The unreasonable demands of narcissistic parents cause high anxiety in children.

These children are subjected to constantly changing standards. Failure to achieve impossible goals leads to anxiety and even panic attacks. Childen of narcissists are raised to believe that it is their job to make their parents happy. When they fail in this mission,  their entire existence falls into question. Narcissists may also be unpredictable.  One day they act, and the next day they are depressed.

This kind of instability also creates great anxiety in children. Children in these types of homes may try to please their parents by overachieving in school or sports. When they inevitably fail in “curing” their parents, their feelings of failure may be overwhelming.

Unhealthy Adult Relationships

Childen of narcissists are more likely to form attachments to other narcissists later in life.  They often feel more comfortable with abusive, manipulative partners. It’s familiar.

They gravitate to relationships which mirror the homes of their upbringing. They are more likely to have chaotic, rollercoaster relationships with lots of fighting and drama. Because children of narcissists have low self-esteem, they may believe they do not deserve to be happy. They may not think they deserve to be treated well by their spouse. This low self-esteem can lead to domestic abuse.

Other children of narcissistic parents may go in the opposite direction by avoiding intimacy and close personal relationships. Because of the unhealthy dynamic in their childhood home, they may be wary of being close to anyone.

They can also become obsessive caregivers. They can only satisfy their own needs by vicariously satisfying the needs of others.

Narcissism

Narcissism may be seen as an inherited condition.  Children of narcissists are likely to become narcissists themselves. With a narcissistic parent as a role model, children acquire many of the same characteristics.

Children may compete with the narcissistic parent to be the center of attention. They may begin to manipulate their friends in ways that they are manipulated by their parent. They may also mirror their parent’s abusive language and lack of empathy. They learn to lie, to evade responsibility, and project.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Growing up with narcissistic parents may eventually lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).  Living with an unpredictable and manipulative parent may cause an individual to become constantly fearful and anxious. The effects of long-term stress may include distorted memory or memory blocks. The individual may also become hopeless or even suicidal.

There is Hope

Children who grow up in narcissistic homes may have a tough road to travel. However, there is hope.

Narcissists can get better. First, the narcissistic parent needs to realize that he or she has a problem and agree to get help. Psychotherapy may alleviate the toxic environment of the household. Family counseling may help all members of the household if everyone is willing to engage.

Education is key to learning how to live with narcissism. It is a psychological disorder,  and the family will benefit from collecting information about the condition. Support groups also exist which can provide assistance to the narcissist and his or her family.

Establishing boundaries is an important component to peaceful co-existence with a narcissist. Sometimes, the only option for children of narcissistic parents is to leave. If the narcissist becomes physically abusive, the child may require assistance from other family members or social services.

Ancillary and Similar Conditions

There are other psychological conditions which can be confused with narcissism. Borderline Personality Disorder includes many symptoms. Theses symptoms resemble the symptoms of narcissism.

People suffering from these disorders may engage in reckless behavior. They may also show signs of superiority. However, specialists differentiate the two conditions.

Borderline Personality Disorder relates to unstable moods and relationships.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental condition in which people exhibit unstable emotions.

Alcoholics also exhibit many behaviors associated with narcissism. Traits include selfishness, superiority, and an unwillingness to take responsibility.

Psychopaths also engage in behaviors associated with narcissism.

Treatments for these conditions vary. If you think someone in your family is suffering from one of these disorders, contact a mental health professional.

Help is Available

If you are suffering from the aftereffects of living with a narcissistic parent, there is hope. Psychotherapy for individuals and families provides many tools. These tools can be used for coping with effects of living with a narcissist.

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About Alexander Burgemeester

2 Responses to “How Narcissistic Parents Impact Their Children”

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  1. Jay gamble says:

    Very informative, well-written and easy to understamd. Thank you.

  2. Sammie says:

    I have a 53 old boyfriend who’s mother is I believe a narcaisist. He has sacrificed his whole life to take care of her. He has never married and has no children. When I came into his life his mother talked horribly of him. Talking about all his previous relationships, telling me he’s a cheater and he was cheating on me. She would create fights between us. I finally realized what she was doing. She’s a mass manipulater. I have never seen someone so engrossed in self in my life. She molded him into believing he was responsible for her, her wellbeing and security along with her happiness. After numerous times that she had betrayed him he decided to leave his home that he owned. He asked her to leave, willing to help her find a place and even help her pay the drama, choas, fights and betrayal continued. Now she’s gone ballistic!!! Saying that he’s stoked from her and is kicking her to the curb!!! My heart breaks for him, he is a good man with a good heart! This is killing him and I don’t know what I can do to help him! Of course she is blaming me and that’s okay, I’m onto her game, this evil thing has robbed his childhood, his wellbeing, his life!!!!! How can I help him????

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