Q:The hardest part about breaking up is giving up on the great sex that did last till the end. I know he never genuinely loved me, and much of him was a facade, but during good times………he was always very able to excite me in sex. Now I’m worried I will be bored in that area with a more caring person, and miss out on what I consider an important must have in a relationship. Can you write an article about that?
A: It is true that narcissists are known for their sexual prowess. So it is not surprising that you had exciting sex with him. They make a point of learning what turns the opposite sex on. They weren’t born that way- they learned it. Great sex is simply…great sex. It is NOT a substitute for a great relationship. You say he did not “genuinely” love you- no, he did not love you at all. Not in any way, shape or form. He is incapable of love. He was either in love with being in love or he loved that you loved him. Perhaps prior experience has given you the impression that only narcissists know how to have exciting sex- that is completely untrue. Remember- the narcissists learned their sexual skills…and there are plenty of caring, unselfish men that are just as capable of learning those skills (and many who already know them). You ask if you have to give up great sex in order to have a caring relationship- I would answer that with a resounding “no”! Now that you know what excites you- tell or show your new, caring partner what you like. A “caring” person should be even more invested in pleasing and exciting you. Are there boring men (and women)? Of course. Do you have to settle for a boring person or boring sex? Of course not!
Would you also like to ask us a question and see it answered on this website? Ask your Question Here!