Do Narcissists Have Friends Of The Same Sex?
Q: Thanks to this blog, my faith, and help from family, friends, and a few visits to a therapist, I have been free of my narcissist ex for 7 months. A friend of mine is going through a break-up with a narcissist now and is having a difficult time (I’ve shared this site with her). As she talks to me about her ex, we realized something both exes have in common: neither men had any friendships with other men.
At best, they had remote acquaintances with other male figures (and in his case, because my ex is a locally-known celebrity with a self-inflated opinion of himself, these few males about whom he bragged were of ‘high standing’ in our community…athletes, political figures, wealthy businessmen with whom he spoke rarely!), but even then that was only once or twice-a-year communication. My ex regularly referred to these acquaintances as “his friends” but had not a single male friends. Her ex shared this trait. Is this common for male narcissists, and if so, why? Too much competition?
A: Congratulations on successfully breaking free of a narcissist; that is not an easy accomplishment and it sounds like you had a wonderful support system to help you. Your friend is very lucky to have you in her support system! Narcissists do not have friends as we know them, neither same sex or opposite sex. They will label someone their friend if they are acquainted with them and have high standing in the community, thereby providing them with narcissistic supply by association.
It is not because of competition per se (in some specific cases that may be true), it is because he has no empathy and does not need friends- he has himself and his need for supply and that is all that matters in his world. He or she may have ‘followers’ for a while until even they can no longer tolerate the chaos or abuse that is the narcissist’s life. As Sam Vaknin says, “The narcissist is a human roller coaster- fun for a limited time, nauseating in the long run.”
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