Am I On The Right Track With No Contact?

Q: I read an article of yours on another site. Thank you for information. It is helping me bring foreclosure. When I read your article on bipolar vs. Narcissism, I found myself saying yes. YES my ex is bipolar after we were divorced he was even hospitalized. And then I found myself saying YES he is a narcissist. His manic episodes leered years apart. But when he was level he behaved like a narcissist. He discarded me like a narcissist. He divorced like a narcissist. I handle him with no contact like a narcissist and it works. Would no contact work on someone who is bipolar? Or am I just lucky enough to have married a man who falls into the 5% of those who are have both. I have joint custody. He has rights just like any other divorced father. I lacked the resources to prove his mental health and also learned that it would not have much of an effect on visitation in my state. He does follow court orders out of a sense of proving he is a good father.

Am I on the right track in treating my bipolar ex who may also be a Narc with no contact?

A: Absolutely! Although because you have joint custody you will have to have Some contact with him- minimize it. Example: meet him at the car with your child(ren), don’t let him in the house to begin any interactions. Repeatedly tell him you will discuss nothing but the child’s welfare. Stick with that boundary! Don’t let him get off topic because he will try to manipulate you in order to do so. Do NOT engage in other topics. You are lucky, indeed, that he is out to prove that he is a good father. Take advantage of that fact when you can, especially to help your child make the most out of any positive interactions with his father.

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6 Responses to “Am I On The Right Track With No Contact?”

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  1. ally says:

    My ex could never separate his relationship with me, from his relationship with our son. He did the exact same thing with another child he had, from a previous relationship prior to ours. What he did do however was, try his hardest to destroy, belittle and confuse those children’s minds, about their mothers. When the little girl would come to our house to visit, all he did was talk down to her about her mother.He blamed her for any and everything, that was bad in that child’s life, or that had ever happened. He tried making himself appear as the ‘perfect father’, the parent who had good sense…the one the child needed in their life. What he didn’t do was, try to form a relationship with her, seperate from that of his and her mothers. He wanted both of those children to think, he was the only parent who really cared and loved them. It was sickening, to say the least. My son grew up in a home like that. Eventually he began to ignore me, not listen to what I told him…and back talk me.It showed, that his father had done what he had intended, the whole time.As he got older, like 11-12 years old, is when i left. By then though, he had his son wrapped around his finger, everything was mommys fault! Mommy had left, because she was bad…and poor daddy, he’s just so good! Even the abuse, the beatings..and the all night screaming of how I was nothing…only got blamed on me. I had deserved those things… if they happened that is. So, I left..things had gotten so much worse, as if they could, but they did. My ex took that time to really destroy any chance I would have had at building any type of relationship with my son, in his younger years. It would be much later, when he would come around or even call me. He started to realize, things were not always like daddy said they were, neither was his daddy. His father had gotten into another relationship, with a woman who had a son. My son would see, that whoever his daddy was with, was abused, was blamed..and that his daddy was doing the same things he had done to his mother, only to someone else. Now, my son see’s him for what he is, an abuser.
    Please, don’t allow any of your children, to become victims..they already are to some extent. These monsters can’t love anyone, it’s just not in them. They can’t even love themselves. Just be careful, know what’s going on during those visits…and do whatever you have to to keep your child from being hurt. These monsters will use children in a heart beat, to try to hurt you, gain attention and adoration from outsiders…and from their children as well. That is not the job of a child, to fill their void for ‘needs’ and demands.
    I’ve known women, who have had to go into hiding with their children, to keep that parent away from them, because they knew…what damage they could cause them all. The woman my ex had a daughter with, they went into hiding. He didn’t do anything to look for them.What he did do however, was tell anyone, who would listen, how he was a victim, of a bad relationship….and how he had been such a great father. Again escaping, twisting reality and not being responsable for what he had caused. He certainly had no remorse at all. He thought he had been done wrong…he was the victim, again! These people don’t care about who they hurt, or what they have done..They just want you to think they are right! Don’t let your children be the ears to these lies or the means to their supply.

  2. HJL says:

    I am the scapegoat of my family, I think all members are narcissistic, certainly NO EMPATHY, AND NO HEALTHY GUILT! IMPOSSIBLE for them to offer verbal/demonstrative types of affection.compliments NURTURE OR SUPPORT! SO, I FLOOD THEM BACK W PRAISE, COMPLIMENTS, ENCOURAGEMENTs, see MY DAD WAS A PROTESTANT MINISTER, I THINK of God/Jesus- much of the time-use the “golden rule,” & “turn the other cheek” ideas(I’m NOT PERFECT-so, I shouldn’t blast my family, hoped Jesus would want this too.why does that make them hate me more? …I’m 58, pathetic I write & complain @ this age, granted, my NPD mom is 94. After I earned 2 master’s degrees and decades in the field helping people with disabilities, I had to leave work, got disability in record time, I’ve got a rare disease w chronic pain and treatment restart major depressive disorder. Now, they are coming down harder on me,I keep thinking they must want me to kill myself, plus, I wouldn’t be in heinous physical pain anymore too, basically “win/win,” for everyone, I’d hoped it might dissuade them fr doing this to others. They didn’t put a gun to my head, poison me, or kill me directly,but, from my point of reference, they did kill me…hatred & ostracism…they can be lethal, I know I could only relieve their abject hatred towards me, by terminating me. I cannot do ONE SINGLE THING RIGHT, WHY COULD I NOT JUST END IT, SPARE MYSELF MORE PAIN?im caring for my mom the best I can, but, that’s always criticized too.hoped she could get one if the others when I left. Please advise, maybe others have felt this way too! Sorry I’m so verbose!

    • Hjl hi I can’t say mush I do know where u coming from u r a good person that why u put down and abuse make little of it make them happier give there ego a lift I got it from my mother and father both pass but my family r so alike could not do anything right but no it because I do everything and loven and caring that why there hate me because u everything their not r could ever b don’t listen to them they oney passing the s**t and pain over to u as my family did to and my girls there father don’t care because he a narcissist to don’t lose hope it hard I know better than anyone know u r good person that why there it there c greatness b4 u do so there try to shut u down the less stress u have the less pain u have stress is not helping on top of everything else love ur self after all u know who u r as I do best of luck

    • Sucker no more says:

      Sorry to say that in your situation, in my humble opinion based on having lived through the same scenario, NO CONTACT is the only solution.
      We have been groomed to be empaths, so this goes against our natures.
      Caring for your mother will only kill you.
      There is NO CURE for malignant narcissism, and kindness only drives them further towards EVIL, not towards love.

  3. I just want to offer some encouragement if possible. I myself married a sociopath, no kids, got him out after 10 months and an annulment a year later. He never contacted me again becasue I so had th egoods on him and had reports made to the FBI, police and immigration. The encouragment comes from the story of a frined. SHe married a narcissit and had a son together. they seperated and divorced befor the boy was 3 years old. My friend is a psycho-therapist, and yet a narcissist was able to hijack her life. They have such incredible influence. The father – her ex – haunted them for years through the court system always hounding for more time with their son. It was hell with court appearance after court appearance in which the sociopath / narc father represented himself rather than hire legal counsel. It cost my friend upwards of $120,000 US dollars. The boy hated seeing his father – in large part because it was required, and his father held him nearly captive even on mointered visits to the minute of their alloted time, and punished him by demanding more visits if they ever had to reschedule for any reason. I know – I picked up and dropped off the boy for his father’s visits several times. They wer on Sunday’s – the boy was sick nearly every Monday. — The boy was meant to be locked into this horrific pattern until he reached 18, Here’s the good news. Finally the court recognized the lunacy of the father, always appearing in fron of the same judge, with continuing appeal after appeal. One fantastic, historic court appearance the judge said.”That’s enough!” and told the father he could never again appeal the visitation set up. He also abolished the required visits. The boy was only 13. There is hope.

  4. alison ryan says:

    Ive just ended a two year relationship with a severe narcissist . After being constantly made
    to feel like i wasnt good enough and he was far more superior and he could only ever tell
    me he loved me when things were going his way ; after telling him during one of our rows he
    wasnt capable of unconditional love hed say to me ” what would you no about it “To be quite
    honest thinking retrospectively hes quite a damaged person and any relationship he gets
    in after reading this article is bound to fail, Anyone whos in the same position getting rid is
    the only way to regain your sanity and self worth so cut all contact and find someone who
    will love you for you no matter what.

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